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I am reaching out to you all and am looking forward to break into Investment Banking from Consulting. Applied to Goldman Sachs via a referral but my resume is stuck after HireVue. Talked to the VO who referred me and he said Goldman doesn’t hire in Q4. If that’s true and still need to be in GS, can someone forward my resume directly to the team? Their career portal sucks. TIA Goldman Sachs PS: I promise a dinner in a dance place in NY after I get hired as a sign of my gratitude 🙈
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Had to do it! Oldie but it sums it up🤣
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*deleted a massive post because I realized it was becoming a rant
I'm at 5 years in, and it's definitely dried up. From daily while dating to... Quarterly. In couples counseling now hoping to be able to improve on that (among other things)
You're definitely not alone, but if you can address/work on improving it earlier it's a lot easier than trying to fix it later. Wish I would have started counseling/addressing the issues years ago.
We’re both 30-35. 2 kids under 5 and one on the way. We’re clocking in at around 2-3/week. But frequency and satisfaction are symptoms, I would encourage you to get to the root.
I would ask you to think about everything that could be getting in the way of making love. Kids are the easy answer, but what if you go deeper? Libido is also an easy button, but what if you stop blaming that? Are you still the same guy you were before kids? Are you pursuing her at all? Does she feel loved?
We also find that scheduling sex is a sure way of having it. Because really, sex isn’t always automatic, it’s actual hard work sometimes. Netflix is automatic. Spending an hour just talking to your spouse while cuddling is far more taxing.
Also, are you keeping anything from her? Obviously relationships differ, but if you want someone to be absolutely transparent and intimate with you, maybe you should ask that question of yourself - are you being transparent? Is there ANYTHING that you are keeping from her? Lies, half truths, porn, infidelity in your thought life, if not in practice? All these things add up and separate you two.
She might not be able to put her thumb on the exact thing that is killing her libido, but more often than not these things are relational, not medical issues.
Working on your emotional/soul connection would probably have the greatest return on your investment. Not sure if you’ve ever considered something like this: https://www.familylife.com/weekend-to-remember/
But I can tell you that such an event worked wonders for me and my wife a few years ago. It’s like a guided therapy for couples that spans a weekend and gets you to connect in ways that you may have long forgotten.
So often it really is the neglect of the basics that causes us take each other for granted and eventually feeling unloved. So a hyper-focus on these subjects for a few days may roll back years of mistakes. I guess all I can say is that it was a great event, worked for us a few years ago, and I’m planning to go again soon. A few of things they teach do have spiritual underpinnings (Christian) but these guys are super welcoming to everyone.
But I don’t want to minimize the physical aspect of it all though. Birth control has wreaked havoc on a couple couples I know. We never did BC, but my wife was almost bedridden for a few months this year, with kids and exhaustion being the immediate visible causes. But it’s like she came back to life when she started taking some really good vitamins and supplements. So maybe you guys could explore supplementation and nutrification?
Hmmmm. I seem to remember something called sex, but it’s been so long I can’t event remember how it’s done. (2 kids)
I had no idea how much this thread was going to help me. At 39 with 2 kids under 4 and a wife with a higher drive than me (her being 6 years younger may contribute), going from daily for years, to quarterly since kid 1, to maybe monthly at best at this point... I'm not a total anomaly. Thanks fellow 🐠
That’s crazy because I’ve been married 10 years with multiple kids and it’s more than ever before.
We have 4 kids under 8. There’s been not break after having kids.
Married 13 years with 3 kids and past 2-3 years has been better than ever. Usually 1-2/week.
We had a period of 3-5 years though where it wasn't great. We still did every 2 weeks or so knowing it was important but it was very lackluster for both of us.
We found that the type of birth control she was on greatly impacted her drive. She's now off birth control as I had THE procedure.
While we were trying to have our first kid it was like everyday during the good cycle so like 10-15 times a month. After she got pregnant (we tried for a year) she had absolutely no interest in sex. So that’s basically 7-8 months of nothing. Five months after giving birth she finally gets around to it to once a week...three weeks later we are pregnant with our second and she’s back in the no sex club. So yeah.... hoping for better things in 2020 post baby #2. But I mean we still have a great marriage and are best friends. Not like we fell out of love or anything like that.
Same, love her but would like a better sexual relationship outside of baby making
Couple should ideally set a goal for themselves and most importantly they should figure how many times each would make the first move. Communication is the key. This may improve the cycle.
I know it depends on the relationship, but things have been stale for awhile and wondering if it’s just the stereotype or there’s something further
Where do you live? I am assuming North America. Marriages in US are harder specially after kids arrive on the scene. Our sex life evaporated due to twk reasons: letting the kid sleep in our bed, and sheer exhaustion from the chores that got added to our routine. We also didnt have a date night for a good two years.
1. Get the baby used to sleeping in their own room
2. Get whatever house help you can afford. I moved to North America from Dubai and still hate it here. I had hired help for every thing in Dubai for a fraction of my salary. Gave spouse and I quality time to spend with each other and friends
3. Hire a long time nanny early on, and keep taking out time for what you two enjoy: movies, trekking, dinners etc
For those that answered and those that haven’t, what frequency are we talking about.
Quarterly, every 2 weeks, trying to figure out what’s “common”
Every two weeks. We’re both exhausted all the time from work and little kids. Hopefully it improves...
You need to factor age in. The answer for 25 is different than 35 and 45 and 55.
My problem is we’re in that 25-35 zone and already at the quarterly
2 little monsters under 5. Early 30s. Varies of course, but avg just over 2.3x/week over the course of a year. Wife still tracks it out of habit (getting/healthy pregnancies had its challenges). Sometimes a hiatus for 2 weeks though.
If SO had much higher libido before and now not, maybe look at seeing a doc? Ttyd if they’re on meds and let them know. G/l
35 and average about once a month. We do natural family planning though, so that greatly reduces the opportunity.
First kid was terrible on our sex life. She got extremely nauseous and tired all throughout the pregnancy (hospitalised even), so sex wasn’t exactly on the agenda.
Took us a while to get back in our vibe (6 months after the birth I’d say)... wife is now pregnant of our second, ill again 😑
How often were you before and once you got back in “your vibe?”
Gone from 4-7 times per week for over 7 years, to 1-2 per week...which maybe I shouldn’t be complaining, but it’s definitely a lot less exciting and passionate also (I can tell she’s just not that interested like she used to be).
Yeah be happy with 1-2...I don’t think we’ve ever had that
I’m 41 male. Wife has higher libido than me. But we do it 2-3 per month. Sometimes all in one week, then a few weeks with nothing. Since our youngest is in kindergarten, we are finding more time. I think my wife wants more. I have been assuming that our frequency is ok, but this post is making me realize I need to check in and ask, “do you want more from me, or are we ok?”
I feel you. 37. Two kids. Once a month. Would prefer more. Often a factor of exhaustion from everything that has to get done. Our sweet spot is work from home Fridays when the kids actually nap. Evenings after everyone is finally down and the house is clean she’s often tired and drive is gone. Sometimes I consider using points to have a spot on date nights. Best frequency in years was when we were making babies (fortunately unfortunately we were highly efficient at conception) and then during the end of pregnancy.
Yeah I made the same joke after we conceived my second...happy we were able to but wish it would have taken a bit longer considering the drought coming