Tips on developing thick skin?
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.
Just go.
Try to trust in the work that you do. Let it speak for you. Also, don’t care so much about what people say about you. Be honest, be open, be kind, but most importantly, be yourself.
Trusting your work: yes. That’s a very liberating realization.
View every comment in a professional context. It isn’t about you, it’s about business.
And yes, some people are just jackasses. That is also about the business.
This. They don't know you as a person. They know you in the context of being made to work with you. Even wonderful people become unappealing under working conditions.
Try scraping a thin layer off and it will grow back thicker
Would the equivalent be to get your inner circle to feed critical comments and snide remarks into their interactions with you? 😂 Then when you go into the real world your mind and heart will be a little more calloused....
Go to a public middle school and take the bus.
Unexpected mulaney
Plus, what advantage is there to thick skin? You’re less sensitive? Not as earnest? Not as good a listener? To me, the phrase conjures up a coat of armor that keeps the world out.
Equanimity might be a healthier goal. Are things really advantageous or disadvantageous? How do we know?
Got a bonus? Maybe you’ll be tempted to rest on your laurels or live beyond your means.
Received some criticism? Maybe you’ll get better at a skill or see someone’s true colors.
Got a promotion? Maybe it means more stress, less time for vacation, or a new learning experience (or all three).
I like to look at any professional situation as a mixture of pros and cons.
McK 1 — this is basically my point: by taking a step back and developing some healthy disinterest and perspective, I believe it’s possible to not take things as personally but at the same time not have thick skin or give up caring.
Remember, they didn’t fire you
I like this, thank you
Remember that it isn’t personal. Nobody cares about you enough to insult you personally at work. It will *always* be about something else. Either professional or their own life being in a bad place right now.
It is never about you (unless they are secretly in love with you).
Ask yourself if it is
1. Personal or work driven. (It is usually easy to tell.)
2. Does it reflect more on them (lack of context, insecurity, necessity, mood) or you (genuine and regarding a growth opportunity).
If I start to feel insecure with someone in particular, I ask them to grab lunch or a drink. I don’t bring up work, just light discussions to appear to the human side of them. It usually helps me separate personal and work feelings.
in case you haven't heard of it
I spent years wishing I had thicker skin. Then I realized: some people are just ass holes. I had fallen into the trap of wanting everyone to like me and being overly responsible for how interactions went. I realized that most decent people will work with you to make an interaction pleasant. If they don’t, they’re either decent people having a bad day or just crappy people. It only really matters if they’re you’re boss, in which case you either have to manage up a bunch more or get a new boss.
Word of caution: this book is repetitive and does not have much form or structure. Title is sure catchy
Practice stoicism.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5617966-a-guide-to-the-good-life
There's this lead from external vendor, he wants Accenture out of the proj so he tries to undermine me and my work all the time and this increased a lot recently. I'm trying to ignore everything that's happening but it reached my threshold.
Had a very similar experience on my last project - talk to your engagement manager and your boss, they need to make sure this doesn’t happen ever again, it’s such a crappy situation to work in. Explain to the client that ultimately someone who doesn’t want you there is the person providing them feedback on your performance and that isn’t fair to either of you.
French existentialist philosophy helped me, especially Myth of Sisyphus. Recognizing the fundamental absurdity of everything we attach meaning to, including career advancement, bonuses, PML feedback, etc. makes it a lot easier to let criticism roll off of you.
What D2 said - learn to not care about what people say. I remind myself this on a daily basis. Very difficult to practice, but it helps
Grow a pair
It’s all fake dude. Just do you and recognize that nothing matters except what you get from your family and friends. If they tell you something in earnest, then take it as constructive. If people give you shit don’t worry. Fight back if necessary though
Develop psoriasis (an autoimmune disorder) like me!
Go work at Bridgewater
I think you have those in reverse order. Without thick skin, you wouldn’t last a week there.