Today my boss told me I need to work on showing my frustration directly to people. She mentioned a meeting THREE weeks ago where, during a meeting, I said one single thing that showed I was unhappy with not being included in a particular meeting (for a project I was leading), and my tone made it clear I was unhappy about it. She said the person I “called out” didn’t even bring it up to her; it was what she “noticed.” Cont’d...

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Thank you, CD1. I am SO grateful to not be in office with her right now. Portfolio has been updated! Greasing the engine and getting ready to roll.

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You have one advantage and that is you don’t have to see her face everyday now. Just think this is a job, you are gonna have good and bad bosses in your career. Just hang in there and now that you are wfh make sure to get your portfolio ready. Start making connections on linkedin, talk to your network, do not strees, everthing is gonna be fine. Just make sure to use your energy in what’s worth it. Take care.

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At the end of the day, unfortunately, they ARE you’re superiors. They can be as unrealistic and demanding as they want to be. It’s not good for business or workplace morale, but it is the order of things, at least without a strong union presence.

My personal 50 cents is to start applying for other jobs in a higher position. Trust me, you don’t want to work for someone like that for any extended period of time.

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Thank you, VP! That’s a good idea. Hope you get a better boss soon too!

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She doesn't sound like a great boss, but she said it for a reason.

You need to out your own interests first, and if she is telling you that you acted inappropriately, even if you were treated badly, then you would do well to listen to what she is saying. Could there be other incidents you're not sharing here? Or that you weren't even so acutely aware of?

Either way, she is still your boss and has power over you. Process what she said, make a determination as to whether you want to be a part of her team, and either suck it up or look or something new.

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I’m open to feedback on real issues. But if I don’t have an issue, then don’t create one. The best bosses have empathy. She knows that was one of our busiest weeks. She knows my home situation. She knows there’s a pandemic. This was not about me.

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I don’t agree with her approach, however it sounds like she’s trying to politely tell you to play the game. If you were in a leadership meeting and frustration was apparent, someone could have said something to her even if she claims they didn’t.
There’s obviously other things going on (re: tired of feeling small and humiliated by her) but I can only go off this current situation

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This is all fair. Like I said I don’t know the ins and outs but sounds like she has other issues that bubbled up in this instance

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Maybe her superiors didn’t feel like you needed to be in the meeting and let her know you were overstepping? Is she a CD? You are a copywriter, you don’t need to be in every meeting.

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There are, but if I explained how it works in more detail, it would help identify me.

In my paranoid world, the only reason something like this pops up 3 WEEKS later is when someone’s decided to lay the groundwork to get rid of you and this is the only thing they can think of to have something ‘noted down’.

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I had that thought as well. It seemed like a sure way to start a paper trail. But I really do think she’s so scared of losing face to anyone else she actually respects. Either way, it’s not good, and I need to prepare to move on.

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“I sense there is going to be a second time you don’t like my tone...real...real...SOOOON.” —-you to her

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The nature of workplaces has changed over the years. 15-20 years ago, It used to be OK to have disagreements, show frustration and express your opinions openly. It was just part of getting to a better concept or execution. Not anymore. Now you’re expected to frame everything, including negative thoughts, in a positive manner. This had reduced the quality of discourse and the creative work that comes out of it. You’re being warned to reign in your expressions of emotion to a level deemed suitable to the group. As someone who has been fired for this kind of stuff, i can tell you that if you want to keep this job you need to make your behavior palatable to your boss. Even if you’re right and your boss is wrong. Be positive, or be gone.

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I’ve been frustrated many times and have always kept it to myself. She waits THREE weeks to bring this up and tells me it’s somethinf I have to work on, even though this is the only time she’s noticed me acting frustrated. She doesn’t ask why I was upset, only tells me why it was wrong of me to be mad. I’m human, and I finally showed some real emotion. Plus, there’s a goddamned pandemic going on. And she’s going to nitpick on ONE time I showed stress?! All she cared about was that they were my superiors. She said “they’re your superiors” at least a few times. She has tried to put me in my place so many times while I’ve been on this team. I’m tired of feeling small and humiliated by her. Any advice on how to deal until I find something else?

I wish you could post where you work. She sounds horrible.

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You can’t change people so if you’re expecting some magical solution then sad to say that it won’t happen. Find another job.

I’m a hard worker. I don’t expect magical solutions, although they would be nice. I am, however, open to validation that I deserve better and solutions that have worked for others who’ve gone through similar. Hell, I’ll take helpful guides meditations even.

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