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It’s the silly little stuff… like do you actually like the caterer’s plates, chargers, etc? Do you want to rent your own? What kind of silverware do you prefer (my club had two options for silver), what kind of tablecloth, floral centerpiece, candles, napkins, how you want the napkins folded, where you want the menu on the place setting, what the place card says (Mr. John Smith, just John Smith?) etc.
If you aren’t a type a person you may not care about these things, in which case wedding planning is easy! I personally cared about every detail because I love to plan 😊
Rising Star
this is sooo dependent on your planning process. are you hyper detail oriented and want to micro manage everything? or are general decisions fine for you? are you good leaving the work up to vendors or do you plan to diy at all? do you have a planner/coordinator or are you going to need to do decor and things like that yourself day of?
it doesn’t have to be stressful, but people take on a LOT more these days to try and cut back on money.
you also might need to chase down vendors for responses, deal with people you like not being available, designing invites takes more mental thought than most people think especially if you’re not a designer, and your guests will likely not all cooperate and rsvp as fast as you think they will.
Rising Star
those are the vendors that 100% should be able to be transparent. for hair/makeup it’s so easy to say these are our fees for the bride and then for additional wedding party members, and even if there are things that add increased cost they can say that without listing those costs. i try to be as transparent as possible by saying my average client spends ~$2500 with me for 150 invites, just to give my best idea. but from then on people usually know that that can mean significantly more or less depending on your choices. i’m all for people charging whatever they feel they’re worth but realistically if someone doesn’t use you after getting your quote, they weren’t going to use you anyway so there’s no reason to not be up front
If you are willing to spend a lot, it might be stress free. I did a handful of stuff DIY. We did our own decorations and bought our own alcohol, so we had to coordinate the decorating and alcohol drop off.
Making the timeline for my wedding was a bit complicated because I got married at a church and had a reception elsewhere. The seating chart can get messy, especially when people drop or add plus ones after the RSVP deadline. You’ll need to figure out how to display the seating arrangements (a chart, name cards, etc.). In the last few months there are a lot of little things like what kind of guest book you want, where the gift table will go, timing of transportation, who is going to take all of the decorations and leftover food home at the end of the night, etc.
Rising Star
In the 90 days out, between the two of us, we just touched the tip of the iceberg.
Don't forget the wedding license, lol !
Also, the dress isn’t just finding the dress. You have to find a dress, find someone for alterations, decide on a veil that works either the dress, find shoes that work with the dress, figure out undergarments, decide if you are going to bustle for the reception, and if so, who will do that for you, decide what kind of jewelry you want to wear with it, how you are going to transport it on your wedding day, etc.
Budget is what makes it stressful. If you’re paying for it yourself and have a strict budget it’s a very stressful experience. The only ppl I know who enjoyed it had no budget with their parents paying so they easily dropped 100k+, for everything they wanted, and outsourced everything.
If you’re diying anything, looking for ways to cut back or comparing pricing, it gets overwhelming if you’re working full time and have any other commitments (I was also a full time grad student).
Some people try on 100+ dresses. Prices range from $100-over 20k. Some designers have long wait times. Finding all your vendors that are all free the day you want. If you have a guest count min or max. If you have a food and beverage min spend. If your wedding party has any drama. If any of your guests or family have drama. Venues where I live range from $1k-$45k+ and some have waitlists several years long. There are also hundreds of venues, hundreds of photographers, hundreds of bands etc. all that are amazing. I communities with over 100 venues just to start narrowing things down in my area.
Future in-laws.
This and vendors were my biggest headache.
Venue: chosen and includes tables, chairs, event staff
Food and drinks: Venue provides, we pick from a few food packages and share any special requests, choose bar type and some custom cocktails, taste wine and choose standard or upgrade
Music: email a few people, read reviews, and pick one
Photographer: look on instagram and online directories and pick one; validate with engagement shoot
Dress: not much different than picking anything else out online, maybe a few in-person appts
Hotel: pick one near the venue with reasonable rates
Transport: n/a as venue is central and 5-10 min walk from hotel and Friday event
Guest list: agree spreadsheet
Invites: canva
Seating chart: use wedding website to collect rsvps and a seating chart app. 1-2 weekend afternoons max?
Obviously there are a few more items that are relevant, but this all seems like a breeze compared to the complexity most of us deal with in our jobs. What am I not understanding? 😂
Honestly the stressful piece comes 3-4 months before the wedding when you have to figure out all the details. A lot of other people shared great info so I won’t be repeating, but some other items might be: get wedding dress altered, get shoes, make sure your fiancé gets the tux, ifyou’re traveling to the wedding location make sure you have the proper travel arrangements, dress transportation, hotel blocks for the guests, manage guest questions, prepare day of timeline, choose wedding songs, practice first dance, prepare signage, menus, thank you notes etc..
Thanks, all!
Don't forget the flowers, cake, centerpieces, other decor, and all the small details like guestbook, cardbox... picking songs for first dance, mother son, father daughter dances. Also is there a bridal party that you need to pick dresses, etc for? Flower girl? Gifts for bridal party. Printed programs. Wedding website. Any kind of special bride and groom send off? Hair, nail, makeup appointments? Writing of vows? Anything special during ceremony - braiding of strand of 3 chords or sand pouring or candle lighting? Any signage you want created? Any photos displayed? There are a lot of details to think of and plan. Best wishes to you and congrats!