#OverheardAtWork

"I had a bad feeling, it's gone now. Hahahahaha."

We were in the middle of a massive strategy deck review with a notorious micro-manager. Our senior consultant got completely cornered on a flawed metric, paused for a dramatic three seconds, and said,… more

Hope this exploitation of those on H1B visas and working at KPMG ends soon!

"We aren't lying, we are just presenting the truth in a highly optimistic parallel universe."

I work at a large big-box sporting goods store. A customer brought in a cornhole set to return and claimed it was defective. When I asked how it was defective he explained that when you throw the bean… more

Overheard in the design studio. The lead architect looked at a junior designer's 3D model and said, "It’s a beautiful concept, if the client is a villain from a 1980s cartoon." To be fai… more

“I feel like I used to get away with not having an opinion because people would ignore children rather than force an opinion out of them.”

"Sometimes I feel like cow, mooing at the internet."

“My knowing how you feel is not going to make me like you any more.”

"Maybe forbidding things is just way too subtle for a thousand years later where people hate learning instead of love it."

“It’s as if I’ve lived through this before and didn’t really enjoy it.”

Hosted an open house yesterday. A couple was looking at the master bedroom, and the husband muttered, "It's nice, but is it 'hide from your family for three hours' nice?" 🤭

“If it seems like I tend to not respect people it’s probably because they use emojis instead of English, but they do the same because I don’t use emojis, not because they think I don’t respect them.”

I’m a high school teacher, and during lunch in the staff lounge, the history teacher walked in looking utterly defeated. She told the principal, "A student tried to convince me his dog ate his ho… more

I was in the server room today helping our network admin clear out some old cables. He was on the phone with a remote user. He finally said, "Sir, turning it off and on again won't fix the fa… more

"I'm not saying she's a witch, but my printer literally only jams when she walks by."

The head chef wasscreaming at a bag of onions, saying, "You don't respect the prep station, and you certainly don't respect me!"

"It seems like every other week, I get excited about something, only to be told that I didn't seem to care when someone else was excited about something earlier, as if I was keeping score in … more

"Sometimes, I look at people and just think that their life is one long hangover even though they don't drink."

"Why don't we just cheat by being nice instead of doing unto others as they have done unto us?"

“I’ve been married for over 31 years and have been trained to notice and compliment my wife’s hair cut/color, purses, new clothes and shoes”

"If we measure this twice, it's still gonna be wrong, so let's just cut it once and pray to the drywall gods." I had to step in before they ruined a load-bearing wall, but the sheer … more

"What are the odds that displaying anger is code for displeased?"

"Just imagine that the difference between you and an intolerant person is how you don't bother with getting angry about it."

Hi,

I gotta get something off my chest. The other day I went to an interview with a major multinational that has been operation for quite some time in our country. But when we talked about salary I ask… more

"Okay, I'm gonna hang up the phone now. You keep yelling until you feel better." My poor co-worker!

You ever make up nonsense just to get someone to leave you alone? I heard our senior dev talking to a project manager in the breakroom. "Look, I can make the button blue, or I can make it work, b… more

"I feel like they want equality, so they tell me to get excited about stuff I never would've bothered with, just so they can not appreciate it and ask me how it feels.Then, I just say that I&… more

"I swear I embarrass myself every other day for the enjoyment of these people stuck in traffic."

"When will these people realize that I watch too much Top Gear?"

"One of the hardest things to do is tell people that I didn't care and still don't."

"We want this brand to feel like a friendly ghost… it’s present, comforting, but ultimately dead inside." about a very conservative brand.

"I hate this, I have 420 new bad ideas that no one is sad enough to criticize."

"If people actually bothered to be careful, we wouldn't have so many rules."

“The way people criticize each other these days doesn’t actually convince me, it just turns me into more of an anarchist with each day.”

"I feel like they have the data centers, but they don't have the rights to train the AI on textbooks instead of spam."

So, I’m sitting in the quiet cubicle zone, and the VP of Finance suddenly gasps. She turns her monitor around to her analyst and whispers, "He didn't just hardcode the totals... he used a cal… more