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You get a nanny, au pair, or “maybe a grandparent or aunt or uncle”. You need help. Otherwise it is not possible.
I’m not a parent - but have had lots of friends with kids that have been through a divorce.
50/50 doesn’t have to be every Tuesday, Thursday, and every other weekend. If your friend has a busy season maybe they only have their kids on weekends for a month or two, and then have them the majority of time during a slower period. But also, yes,child care.
If the other parent works fewer hours, 50/50 might not be in the best interest of the child. It might be better for the child to have more time with the parent who can be home every night for dinner, take them to school, help with homework, etc. . At that point there’s some sort of sacrificing - either work hours/career choices or parenting time and custody of your child.
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Does she want the kids because she wants to be near her children or she doesn’t want them near her ex??? It’s super selfish of her to take away her kids and put them with a nanny if there is a competent parent who can do dinner every night with them. Doing something in spite of an ex will just end up backfiring on her eventually.
There’s plenty of creative custody solutions out there now. Your friend needs to take a look in the mirror and see what’s really feasible to give her children (not her!) the best outcome that will give them a present parent. She might not be that person (and that’s okay), but she should figure out a way to put her children in her life ahead of the career in some sort of way.
they wants to be near and be a real parent.
result as of now: they sleep 3 hours a day because kids take daytime but work has to be done..
We have my fiancé kids 50%. We kind of have a structure where my fiancé priories the kids and being able to accommodate their school and after curriculars so I can work as much as I need. We only have them 50% so it’s not like he’s snuffing work frequently, rarely does he need to get off early or whatnot. If your friend works a lot and doesn’t have a sig other that helps then he can still work a lot and have the kids if his work allows for him to take a break if he needs to get them from school and wfh as needed like after school hours.
Lol I haven’t managed to have kids yet
I had my kids Monday, Tuesday nights and every other weekend. I planned my meetings and 1:1s on Mondays mostly spilling over to Tuesdays and tried to only travel Wed-Friday. Ex had to occasionally be flexible with the schedule as did I. Mine were 12 and 9 when that started and are out of college now. I won’t say I missed a beat, but I was mostly able to have professional success throughout those years.
Even if there is a nanny or grandparent, I don’t see how it would be feasible unless there are hard boundaries set up around the job. For example, the kids are with this parent for Thurs, Friday, Saturday. If the kids are in the home, then the job is on hold. Aka kids above the job.
Otherwise, I don’t see it’s good for the kid. 1) for stability, 2) not being able to keep your promises (which is huge) 3)
There are tons of movies and stories of kids struggling because the parent wanted to be there and always broke that promise. They go to parent’s house with no boundaries or house rules.
It’s going to come down to career or the kids. The problem is if they choose the kids, they may need a different job and I’m not sure if they could find a family friendly type role with similar pay. Which might look like an issue with any child support payments.