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It’s funny people telling ur overthinking, no ur not, a serious person in a relationship will not do what u described. Trust ur gut buddy!
^this
Rising Star
I have very close relationships with men (I am married and happily so), it’s just normal for me.
I think you need to think about why this concerns you. Is it something to do with the nature of their relationship or is it that you are just not comfortable with your gf being close to another guy?
Really think about it and be honest with yourself. If it’s the former, then your gut instinct is usually right, if it’s the latter then you either need to adjust to this very normal friendship or end it with your gf, because I don’t think this is the last time she’s going to have a close male friend.
Rising Star
A1- I just don’t buy that every single man in the world is out to have s*x with you. I am sorry if you see that as ‘blaming you’ but I just don’t see that as statistically possible.
I think it’s really sad that we still live in a world where it’s ok to demonise women or men that have friendships with the other sex. I have, and will never, prescribe to these sexist and often controlling behaviours.
I’m straight and have a gf. If I spent 4-5 hours with another girl coworker alone and was giving/receiving gifts, my gf would kill me lol
You’re not overthinking, you need to tell her how you feel and if it’s something that you don’t want in a relationship - you tell her. There are plenty of women out there that wouldn’t engage in this type of behaviour.
Overthinking it my ass. You got a problem here, guy
It’s not that she has a guy friend. It’s that she says she’s going to lunch and is gone all day. We all know lunch implies 2 hours max. You turn it into all day without warning and it’s just weird
Pro
They could both be emotionally cheating 🤷🏻♂️ using the excuse of “Oh no he has a GF so this is nothing” and vise versa as a way to justify it and not feel guilt. Exchanging small personalized gifts is a bit too much. Thats the kind of cute things couples do in the honeymoon phase
They were out to lunch for 4-5 hours? They’re probably bumping uglies. Or she’s cheating on you with someone else and thought this relationship with another guy was a good cover.
Not the commenters up top gaslighting you! You are not overthinking and it seems like you communicated your feelings in a healthy manner to her (I’m guessing). She shouldn’t be dismissing your feelings. Go with your gut king! Good luck to you!
You’re overthinking it.
He’s def not overthinking, this is not a normal interaction that SO’s partner is having
Not a good sign. Take it from someone who’s been there.
Rising Star
That’s a long lunch. It’s not a good sign that she’s dismissive of your feelings and concerns when you express them. I’d try to have another conversation with her to see if you can set appropriate boundaries. If that doesn’t work, then try counseling or end the relationship.
OP, would recommend that you make friends with a girl at your workplace and then hangout with that girl for hours. Put in on IG as well. It’s time to test that relationship
If it was her close friend before you met, I’d maybe understand. But given she met this person through you and developed this close of a relationship, it’s a bit weird at a minimum.
I find it odd to make new friends in adulthood from work. I've always believed it's totally cool if it is organic but weird to like really try and be friends with co-workers unless you think you'd be friends if you didn't work together. OP, how old are you all? Also, why haven't you hung out with them?
Your concerns are legitimate, and all the naysayers on this thread be damned. These are pretty standard boundaries, and she clearly does not respect them. If it’s not this guy, it’ll be another.
Simple question OP, do you and your GF has had a 4-5 long lunch recently that shows she is so in to you? What is so interesting in that other dude that she is out half day? Not knowing full facts, this is not normal and you're rightly concerned.
At this point they've also exchanged small personalized gifts to each other. He had to move recently to other state but they're still connected well.
Why do you have such little trust for her? Has she done something in the past to warrant it?
Chief
If this makes you uncomfortable, continue to have open conversations with her on how you feel about it. “There is nothing going on” isn’t going to cut it for you, so you have to tell her what works. If neither of you can compromise it’s a telling sign.
If the 4-5 hour lunch was his goodbye lunch before he moved, or catching up once every few months if he comes back to visit, possibly overthinking. Also- was it just the two of them at lunch, or was it a group of co-workers? But the small personalized gifts is a bit much, again, unless this was part of a moving away/house warming gift.