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Sorry you’re going through this. Do you have anyone you can talk to about your relationship w food, exercise, body image? Therapist, nutritionist, trainer?
Wish you luck and peace, stick with it. Fwiw OP, I think being able to talk about and name these things is a huge help & a big deal. Kudos for starting the process. This is a major part of health!
A close friend of mine was an internationally competitive weightlifter for a few years. When I met her she was counting macros and going through hell to make her weight class and even when she stopped competing, she had trouble getting out of that mindset.
Finally she tried switching her sport / preferred activity to something with much less emphasis on counting the numbers — rock climbing. She still maintains a figure but is now doing it for love of the sport and not body image. Could changing your activity help?
This is great. I went and started boxing a couple of years ago. It’s a pretty good rounded workout, keeps your body lean and strong and is fun.
Channel the psychology of a 21 year old frat bro from the University of Alabama.
He’s 30% body fat, dresses terribly but still considers himself a 10/10 and probably has a very attractive significant other.
I struggle with this too. If I'm working out I look better and feel better about myself, but I also start paying attention to my body more and noticing more things I don't like.
Now I'm trying to look at myself in the mirror less and focus on how exercising makes me feel more. It's not always easy, but I've found if I just keep telling myself 'you are working out to feel good, not look good,' it really does help.
Men (I assume) can have eating disorders too. Maybe talk to someone if your exercise and diet are taking too much space in your brain.
All people can have eating disorders, disordered eating, body image issues. It’s a mental issue with no gender preference. Speaking from experience.