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Are they afraid of you? Or telling you because they trust you?
If the former, let them know you don’t need to know why they need time off. Remind them kindly that they are entitled to time off, all you need to know is when it’s happening.
If it’s the latter, I don’t mind it when direct reports tell me the whole story about why they are out. If anything it helps me manage better because I know whether the day off is going to be a repeat thing or not (going for an annual checkup is much different than taking your mother to see nursing homes). It’s not a bad thing that your direct reports think you care about them as humans.
Thank you - this is really helpful!
I agree. People usually over share because they feel obligated to or their manager presents a front that is negative..
I’ve been accused of taking time off for no good reason during time’s that weren’t convenient for my bosses (even if it was not end of month etc). So I’m accustomed to oversharing and getting doctor’s notes for EVERYTHING.
From physicals to Pap smears to now mammograms. I always ask for a dr’s note so I can CMA! Nothing like a few nasty micromanagers to make you feel like you have to explain everything.
Yeah I get that. For me it’s a hard habit to break. To be honest nowadays my oversharing is my kid showing up on camera when he’s got half day or no school, or the cat/dog coming to visit me in my home office for attention.
Otherwise, I don’t share much unless I have to. Less is more. 😝
I feel like my direct reports will share when they are overly worried or excited about something, but I don’t see much over sharing in general. They are all different, and some say more than others. I take it as them trusting me-and most of mine are female, so that seems to be in okay as well.
I tend to be one that's a little more open, but it's because I have a closer team I work with. We all work super well together and care about each other's lives. If you don't want to know the info, you could just say "thanks for letting me know! I hope you get feeling better soon!" and move on. Just be careful because there might be times where you need to know the info (ie: a staff member has cancer) so don't come across as dismissive to anyone
Yikes now I’m wondering if I’m the type of employee who overshares to her manager and if it is well received 🫠
Same 😬
Please be sensitive to the fact that this woman is coping with significant hormonal changes and there are many health related risks and complications throughout and after pregnancy. We have to discuss a myriad of “gross” things endlessly and often forget that others are sensitive to this info.
You should reassure her that you support her doing what she needs to do in order to keep her and her baby healthy. She may be sharing details because she feels the need to justify flexibility she needs. She may be oversharing because again, growing and birthing a human is a harrowing damn experience.
A reminder that she’ll also likely return to work barely healed and with very little sick time for herself or necessary doctor appointments for her and her child, since we live in the only developed country (assuming US here) that values money over proper care for women and children.
I get feeling grossed out by unnecessary details but here’s a good rule of thumb: how would you have wanted someone to treat your mother/wife/sister etc.
I apologize, I edited my comment before I read your response and also before I realized what sub/bowl this is in.
I’m simply encouraging an empathetic approach - good leaders stay curious and use this as an opportunity to learn more about your employee.
Oversharing can be a sign that they feel insecure asking for what they need (this might be more about company culture than you specifically). Oversharing is also very common for those who are autistic/adhd. In general I find nearly all of my female direct reports overshare because we’ve been socialized to be accommodating and women tend to feel uncomfortable asking for what they need. If your approach is more reserved, employees may not feel they can “read” you and respond in this way as a means of compensating.
Hope this helps shed some light on what might be driving this behavior.
Wow I’m probably one of those employees but I do it because I want them to know what’s going on and know I’m not just asking for time off or exceptions to the rules Willy nilly and I’ve always felt like it makes the relationship stronger that I’m sharing parts of my life with them
I've had a couple dozen direct reports over the years and I don't recall anyone over sharing or really talking much about their personal lives with me during work hours.
When first sitting down with a new employee on my team, I always tell them how to give me types of information like that because of TMI. I let them know I don’t want to know, I don’t need to know your business, I may just need to know why you’re calling out, not performing well, etc. I lay that down at the beginning of the reporting relationship, so that way they’re more comfortable with not sharing the data.
Because, if you know, then you may have to act on something. Not everything falls into those categories, but better safe than sorry.
What about your female peers? Are they oversharing as well? People are not the same so if they are acting similarly that might have something to do with the fear culture or your personal management style.