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Your situation sounds similar to what my husband and I went through. Terrible backstories that really needing working through before taking on a marriage partner.
We got married, separated before our 1st anniversary, and were apart for 2 years and 3 months. At the beginning I loathed his existence. But, over time we grew and somehow found our way back to each other. That was 13 years ago…
Relationships are tough, especially with outside stress. If you both still care deeply, maybe it’s worth a conversation to see if you’re on the same page about trying again. Growth takes time, but shared effort can make a difference. Wishing you clarity, whatever path feels right for you both!
Be very careful with your words during this period and what you choose to share with others. My wife and I, similar to N1, didn’t make it to our first anniversary but we have since rekindled and I’m listening to her snore as I type this note after 6 years of marriage.
I feel like we got married as a last ditch effort. We knew we loved each other and we knew we had a lot to work through but for some reason we just thought we could try things out. She came to me asking for a divorce 9 months into the marriage because she didn’t feel desired and she found someone she wanted to be with. That hurt. I said some nasty things about her and her new love interest. A group of my friends still refuse to talk to her and still don’t support me being with her. She dated someone else for the most painful 4 months of my life, but eventually she missed me and I missed her and I just couldn’t imagine my life without her. I bought her a Christmas gift in 2019 and used it as an excuse to see her. We had an incredibly toxic 4 months between Christmas and March 2020, but when Covid hit, it was clear that there was no one else either of us wanted to be stuck with.
If not for Covid, I think I would have let it go, but I’m not sure. She wasn’t serious with the other guy and I really was heartbroken so we spent the first week of quarantine talking on her couch and then I was in her “bubble” and her family was in our bubble…she just stopped talking to or about the guy. Eventually it just felt like we were married again.
I am sorry to hear you are going through that. At the end of the day relationships are never easy and some are worth fighting for. If you are feeling that way then maybe its worth fighting for the relationship and working through the issues together.
I’m a divorce lawyer and people reconcile all the time, sometimes even after divorcing. But both parties really need to be committed to making it work in order for it to last.