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Tux budget NYC?
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Was in the same situation. We had an initial guest list of 150 ppl. I cut it to 20 ppl and put the money towards a house instead. It was a little sad but a year later I don't regret it at all. A wedding is one day and it goes by so fast. A house you will live in forever. The housing market is crazy right now and you will likely need the extra buying power.
I have hardly heard of people who regretted a smaller wedding, but on the opposite end of things i’ve heard at least 20+ people wish they went smaller after the wedding is over and they’re stuck with the debt or smaller savings account. A wedding is one day, but that $100k is gone forever, regardless of how much you enjoyed the wedding day or if the money spent ends up being worth it. Don’t forget that if your husband compromised on the wedding, he’s also compromising on the home. Not a great way to start a marriage IMO. But that’s just my opinion!
You could also think about having a longer engagement, or forgoing the wedding immediately (still getting married), then having a big thing in a few years. Tons of people are doing that now thanks to COVID delays and rescheduling! My husband and I are attending two this year alone, for both couples who eloped/wed in 2020/2021
Had the same family size, it was important to me to have them all there. I think the reasonable limit is no children like you proposed. It’s a small amount in the grand scheme of what you’ll earn in a year, just don’t eat out for a couple months and that’s a big chunk. But yes it does add to budget significantly
Yes. Marriage is all about compromise. I would limit “family” to immediate family. Is the 80 immediate family? I agree with your fiancé. If you want to buy a home that’s infinitely more important than a large or lavish wedding. Cut the guest list. Keep it to immediate family and then maybe once you’re married have a get together at your new home for everyone else or a dinner later for the rest. Lavish spending on the wedding and honeymoon should be reserved for those that are not financially strapped in other areas of their life. G’luck on what you decide.
My opinion is to cut on stuff like the wedding dress, tuxes, flowers etc and we’re having a more casual wedding so we can invite 150 people. It’s one of the few times you get the whole family together, so I think that part is worth it!
We got married five days ago and were in a similar situation. We bought the house, stayed around 40k for a wedding in a very HCOL city, and had less than 80 people there. We invited almost 100 but many didn't bring their +1s and a handful of people couldn't make it.
I still invited my parents, grandparents, aunts, first cousins, four more grandparent age couples, and two extended uncle/aunt couples. My family alone could fit a 200 person wedding, but I'm glad we went T-shaped with it and had older folks broadly plus immediate family. It helped a lot with being able to afford a house in our quite over inflated market and then furnish it with forever type pieces. We couldn't afford, and were fine not to prioritize, a family reunion above other things in our lives.
Ultimately you two have to agree though!
What’s the budget range in question? Wedding fixed costs are usually the expensive parts. Adding guests are typically minor variable costs.
It’s parents, grandparent, aunts, uncles, and first cousins, so not all immediate but not going too far out the branches! I’ve heard from a lot of people that they enjoyed having a smaller wedding or wished they’d done smaller, and in retrospect I may feel the same, but it’s hard to think of beforehand!
I had similar concerns. We have been living together, so my compromise was that we wouldn’t have a registry (we don’t really need anything) and guests can give money for a house and honeymoon fund. That way can have more people and still have the money for a house!
We’ll be doing the same for sure! I think asking for cash used to be taboo, but is becoming more common these days, especially doing it like you are. Can we go back to the days when weddings were cheaper and getting a toaster was exciting? 😂
If you genuinely want all of them there, then they should be there! More often the people who say to only do immediate family have diff cultural/family dynamics. Tot don't want to have your day without anybody you would genuinely miss being there
One thing we're doing is eliminating/cutting down on +1s
If those family members are important don't compromise but really challenge yourself if they all need to be there or if you are just being polite and going with "norms". Weddings aren't cheap do what makes sense financially. When we got married, we had to make tough decisions on guests. Some family members only had parents invited or the one cousin I was closer with rather than the full family of 5+.
This may come off as a pretentious response but are either of your families able to contribute any amount to your wedding? Maybe if you talked to family saying you would love to have them and see if any are able to pitch in.
Yeah no no, it’d be a “pre-gift” type of a thing if I did ask, giving whatever they’d give as a gift in advance instead of in a card at the wedding.