For those with adult kids, how much do you spend on them now, and what is typical for upper middle class families? I know this is highly variable, but I’m trying to get a sense of it for retirement budgeting. We have college expenses covered through 529. Certainly I grew up in a family and community that didn’t provide financial support after high school, but we were lower middle class, and while I want them to launch, I don’t expect to cut my kid off in the same way my parents did.

My parents gave me ≈5k per year through undergrad which was enough for me to graduate without debt. They gave me 20k to buy a car. They also let me stay on their insurance through grad school. The paid for my wedding during grad school as well (about 10k).

They then let me and my wife live with them for 1.5 years after school. We paid them for groceries but otherwise didn’t pay any rent or utilities.

Extremely grateful for everything they did to give us a big head start in life.

Fortunately, my wife and I did very well with savings and investing. Paid for my kids’ educations including med school for one of them. We helped out with their living expenses early on so they could take lower paying routes that enhanced their careers. Take them and their families away on Christmas and new years. Will gift them some down payment money (will give the one that didn’t go to med school more). Plan to gift 529 accounts for grandchildren. Why bother saving all that money if you don’t help your loved ones? I have everything that I need or want. Hopefully, my kids will pay it forward with their kids and grandchildren.

How adult are them? Done with college? If so, zero dollar moving forward. I dont believe in supporting adult kids but i believe in supporting your parents. lol. I never asked for a penny from my parents since the day i left for college at 17. But now at 38, I finance their retirement. ha.

I'm hoping to continue and help support them on bigger purchase, like a car, a home, a wedding... will also plan to foot the bill on family trips especially when they are young adults. I got 3 kids, 5 years between oldest and youngest.

As an “adult kid”, my parents didn’t provide financial support on a regular basis. But they did give me a chunk of money to help with the down payment on my first house. And when we go on vacation together my mom continues to pay for almost everything.

Daughter in law to wealthy famiky. My fiance and I went in to speak with my soon to be in laws about me signing a prenup. They laughed in our faces. They said if you stay together 20-30-40 years you will be just as much our daughter as he is our son. We give equally to both of you. That being said FIL is a financial planner and has seen too many kids sell and spend assets and then come back asking for more. So the deal always was you fund your life and with big purchases you save and we will match you sell we get it back. It's worked out brilliantly. It's kept us hungry to build our own life and budget but allowed us to get into a home. There was nice birthday and Christmas gifts but nothing outrageous.

Adult kid of a surgeon and a chemical engineer. They are still very generous. Have paid for all my siblings private college, weddings, made substantial contributions towards down payments, helping fund grand kid 529s etc etc. also spend a lot on travel for the extended family.

My in-laws pay for most family holidays and give us 30k a year which helped a lot especially earlier on.

My goal is to help them with big things to keep them out of debt. Then, day to day expenses they need to learn to cover on their own and to invest the difference. I also hope to be able to pay for vacations, and to help save for grandchildren college.

My in-laws gave my wife $1k/month after graduating under the logic that an extra $1k per month goes really far when you’re just starting out. Still need a job to survive but the extra helps you get a slightly better apartment, kickstart your savings, take the trip, etc.

Weddings, down payments, childcare help / private school tuition, vacations, summer camp

I'm not there yet but I've budgeted a fair bit to help any kids post-college, as my parents did. It's a tremendous competitive advantage to have help with getting into a mortgage that set me up to be on a great trajectory which I'd not be on if I were still trying to rent or had to scrounge up all the down payment/housework money myself.

I know it's controversial and life without risk doesn't teach the best financial lessons in many cases, but having a parent take out a costly but necessary aspect of starting adulthood gives people such a leg up. It's not like I'd be buying them cars or supporting lifestyles. They'd be getting a townhome in need of some TLC with an opportunity to have roommates help cover the mortgage.

Depends on how adult and the situation.

Past graduation and have a job? Put aside whatever's comfortable for you in a savings account. Can bust it out when there's a big expense they're struggling to pay for, or if you need emergency funds too.

If they're past graduation but living with you, I'd have them buy their own groceries but not pay rent/utilities so they can save to get a place of their own. It's good for them to pay for something to get a concept of what their cash flow might look like when they move out, but can retain the majority of their pay for saving. If they don't have a job yet, then I'd say they don't have to do anything but chores until they get a job.

When they are actual adults it is much less common to pay them some regular amount. Far more normal to save for lump sum payments to help them on special occasions or emergency purchases.

There's also you. What percentage of your funds do you actually use? Exciting plans? Etc. Some people make/have saved far more than they'll realistically use, and sitting on the money until you die is hardly a beneficial way to use it. On the other hand, if you don't have that level of income, putting tension on yourself during late-stage career or retirement can have consequences. It's not as easy to find alternative forms of income at that stage to alleviate the financial burden.

My parents were not wealthy. They managed to pay for my school books for one year of uni and my first car for $3k so I could commute there, and I paid for the rest and car insurance between working and grants, When I lived with them after school and had a job I paid rent, which covered my portion of the groceries and Wi-fi and a little of the hydro. I also paid my cell and phone plan and food/vet for my dog. Basically they looked at what I needed in the moment, and picked which things they could realistically afford and I figured out the rest.

Nowadays they'll still pay for dinner if they've invited us out as a family, but the one with a savings account to pay for special occasions or emergency funds if someone needs them is me.

We are paying for our kids through college and helped one (will help the others when ready) with a starter home. After that it will likely be an ad hoc basis.

My dad had a rule that whatever he gave to one kid, he gave to all, including step children. So when he gifted us money to buy a home, he gave the same amount to all kids. Kept it fair, if expensive. :)

I paid cash for private school and college but had them each take the basic $27k student loan and I’m also paying for my daughters grad school. Then, I’m done! I worked hard to get you to well paying jobs, tag you’re it ! 😆 I will allow my kids to stay on health care til they get married or age 26 simply because it costs me nothing additional. I’m retiring early . Ta ta!

I'm an adult kid of upper middle class parents, fortunate enough to have college paid for but was then mostly left to launch on my own for a while, they give annual cash for christmas that has increased over the years and are helping out with my wedding next year, but that is all 'bonus' cash as I'd be able to stand on my so far without they're help just would've been stretched a bit thinner

My parents hardly spend anything on me these days. ;)

On average, for 4 kids I spend around $100k annually on family vacations and reunions, which are a couple of times a year. I’ve already bought them a house, each valued at $1 million.

Adult kid in this situation, my parents paid for half of my college, let me move home after my BA for a couple of years, sometimes pay for family vacations with my sibling (rent a house on a lake/beach every few years), and give me 1K a year for each kid’s college fund. Plus Christmas and birthday presents that are less than $300. I am also still on their cellphone plan.

But they don’t/didn’t contribute to our general activities or my personal kid expenses past a “want to pay for the season pass for a museum for a birthday present”

However, we don’t “need” $, if the situation was difficult they could behave differently. They did support their parents in retirement, that was far more $ than they expected.

Any of you want to adopt me? 🥹 this is a lovely thread. I lived in a refugee camp before moving to the US with nothing. Dad passed from cancer before we got here. No one has ever given me anything…..ever. Paid my way through college. I will do the best I can for my kids but will also make sure they learn to be responsible and independent. I was working all through high school and paying my mom rent…..😞