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Thoughts on Big Spaceship?
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Just being supportive will go a long way (calls, texts, FaceTime or other video call). Visiting her at the hospital (if you’re able) would be nice.
Sending healing vibes to your friend’s baby. The care package is a sweet idea. Honestly though, everyone has different ways of processing and receiving support from others. Let her know that you understand she is going through a tough time and want to support her as best you can. Ask her what she needs help with, let her know what you’d be happy to help with and be present for her. Don’t just say “let me know if you need anything.”
Yes! I second this. I really wish we would get rid of that phrase altogether - "let me know if you need anything" puts the pressure on the person in pain to come up with tasks for you.
Instead, offer specific things that you can do. I'd like to send you some food - Would that be OK? "Is there another way I can show up for you?" Also be willing to sit with discomfort knowing that you may not get it right but you are trying. A lot of people just don't show up altogether and it is a bit selfish. They are worried about how they might do something wrong which is normal, but in the end is centered around how you're feeling versus how you can show up for the other person.
The fact that you are asking this question already shows that you are invested in showing up in a way that counts💕.
The care package is great. In addition to what A1 suggested, I’d also include gift cards to meal services (e.g., DoorDash, Uber Eats, etc.) so that she can use without having to leave the hospital. And when she’s up to it, take her to an outing, whether a mani-pedi day or quick lunch, to help her think of something else. Also, if she has other children, maybe offer to watch those children for a bit or help with other childcare, like picking the kids up from school, etc. We had friends experiencing the same thing and these are things we did for them. They let us know later just how appreciative they were because of it, even the smallest things.
So sorry to hear. Honestly basic service needs so she can just focus on her baby: Ordering meals/dinner, housekeeping/cleaning/laundry service, if she has other children and you have experience with watching children or have some of your own - offer to watch if you can. Offering transportation to and from the hospital if she doesn’t have a car and/or lives in a metro area. If she is planning on breastfeeding- would offer lactation cookies (munchkin milk makers - oatmeal chocolate were my absolute fav but also not 100% they actually helped my supply but they are so yummy), legendairy milk - liquid gold supplements).
Depending on how she’s handling postpartum- she may or may not be super chatty and /or may see constant checkins as another burden to have to respond to. I would give her some space and not be offended if she isn’t too receptive to visits. however also let her know you are a call away and will come by whenever she needs. Maybe more helpful to check in with her partner or family support on a more frequent basis to see how she’s doing vs her directly
Ordering food, laundry service etc. are great things. Anything that frees up her brain from making a decision is wonderful.
If you know several of her friends and are in the same area.. a food train worked for a friend in a similar situation when she got back home… we rotated making and bringing over meals to her house weekly. She had 2 other kiddos and husband spent most of the time driving to and from the hospital and looking after the older siblings so no time to cook etc.
I went over once in a while to help with some chores as well… NICU is tough… post NIcU is just as tough… sending positive vibes your friends way 🥰
Thank you ladies! I appreciate all the ideas.