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The spark doesn’t last forever, you have to work at it all the time. Make sure you both are communicating and still making an effort to be sexy and such for each other. Mixing things up in bed also helps a lot (role playing, toys, a third/fourth person etc.). Generally keeping an open mind when communicating is key. Speaking from experience here - I was with someone for nearly 8 years and left me because he claimed he was never attracted to me, which apart from being a delusional lie, was a function of not having an open mind about how one has to continually work on the physical part of a relationship just as much as everything else. Mind you both of us generally look much better now than we did when we first met, I think - physically I mean, and we looked just fine we we met too, we both just got a bit leaner/musclier since - so while taking care of oneself is certainly important, having an open mind and communicating about ones/needs is probably more important.
Getting really fit helps on both ends
Frankly staying/getting in shape helps oneself feel better about oneself which is probably more important than anything else. It could help keep/reignite mutual attraction but it’s definitely not a given. For my ex and I, getting in better shape through our relationship made my ex more superficial and more concerned with his looks and aging I think, which was the beginning of the end. He found stupid things to find “unattractive” about me and then got annoyed when others hit on me or expressed their attraction towards me. It was all little things but clearly not healthy.
I’ve been married to my husband for about 4 years and this happened to us around year 2. For ref, I’m 28 and he’s 37, so there’s definitely some hormonal discord at play. But the key to long term desire is creating spaces where eroticism can flourish. I could write novels about it but fortunately, Esther Perel already has. Read “mating in captivity” and “the state of affairs” for some truly life-changing analysis on this exact topic.
This happened with my partner and me. Ultimately we decided sex isn’t the main driver of our relationship. We have figured out other ways to appreciate each other physically.
It takes a tough conversation, an open mind, and a little bit of time to work through it.
I would try identifying what the 2-3 most important aspects of a relationship are to you and ask yourself if you will be able to satisfy them in the future. If you can’t, but can elsewhere then you are done. While sex is a main driver for many, it can surprise others to discover that it’s not as important as they once believed.
Talk to him and figure out what’s going on. It’s only done if you decide that it’s done. If you can identify why your drive is down and work out with your partner how you want to address it, it doesn’t need to be “done”.
Conversation Starter
Happens to heteros all the time. It’s called growing old together. Enjoy the companionship. And if either or both of you find yourself desirable to others, consider an open relationship. Happy to help if needed.
Pro
How much time are you spending on porn or hookups or just fantasising about other experiences? If lots, you have to find ways to combine real life with eroticism. If none, then maybe it’s something about your mood/health overall
I went through this and realized that our relationship dynamics were also a key factor. We have since split and are living apart but are now still in contact everyday and meet once every one or two weeks if possible. We still love each other but in a different way, and I personally think that it’s okay if relationships evolve.
I feel like this is how my relationship is trending toward. Sometimes, we would go weeks without doing anything. I don’t know if that’s normal.
Conversation Starter
I get a hair cut twice a month :)
Set the mood! Candles, incense/flowers, music, foreplay! My girlfriend and I are both below-average-libido. And this works for us every time.
Open relationship time
Going through the same thing here.
Following this
Has he gotten out of shape? Or is everything the same but the spark is gone?
Breakup. The BF did this to me for 2 years. It’s not going to work
Too much porn or weed can cause this.