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I got the job. That is all.
Rising Star
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I have a very similar experience, though my direct report was interested in my current job, so that’s fun.
I had to tell him point blank that I feel like he doesn’t respect me and doesn’t take feedback, and that makes it very difficult to work together. I have had to be very firm in giving directions. It’s mildly effective. Basically, you can’t let them constantly try to undermine or invalidate you. You have directly address the behavior head on.
In your case, I would do what I’ve done and add:
-when threatening to work elsewhere: “that’s a very extreme response. The reality is that this is my feedback, and you have opportunities for improvement. What you do with this feedback is up to you, but if you do want to continue working on this team, I expect you to work on this and let me know what you need from me in order to address these points.”
—in essentially pushing back on people shadowing her: “This process is a fundamental part of our team and how we work. I recognize you dislike this but it is not negotiable. You are going to have to figure out how to accommodate this. Let me know what you need from me in order to make this work.”
It used to make me feel awkward to be this direct, but I realized it’s what needs to be done when someone is disrespectful. You’re still being respectful, but you’re being direct, and establishing your expectations.
You are a word savage and I want to be you when I grow up
I had a very similar issue at a previous role and it came down to me being very blunt one day saying something to the effect of, “this is why I was chosen for this role and you were not.” It was uncomfortable temporarily but I never dealt with another back-handed comment again.
Maybe you could have a sit down with her to get insight on her feelings about her current position and take the approach of wanting to support her/help accelerate her career? Lean into her ego and let her know you recognize her talent? Maybe she feels unseen/unheard and thinks her talent is being bypassed. She might end up having more respect for you and your authority if you show that you’ve got her back a little bit.
Agree with Manager 1. I’ve dealt with this also, however I was never a peer I came into a leadership role that the employee wanted and felt they deserved. They were extremely defensive in conversations and once told me “I know how it works, I’ve done your job before,” which they hadn’t … never been in a leadership role to my knowledge. But anywho I eventually had to be very direct, to the point and quit trying to be friendly and just be professionally blunt in communicating my expectations. You may need to eventually manage them out. To expand on Manager 1’s point, I would say you need to be communicative in expectations and if they are not met or show any improvement hold them accountable. Hierarchy of verbal warning, written warning, final warning… bye Felicia. Refer to the code of conduct also. Consistently speaking negatively about work to coworkers, any kind of disruptive behavior, would be an immediate write up in my workplace. Just keep in mind, YOU are the boss and you have the power to make their life hell. Eventually maybe they’ll leave if you hold your ground.
Maybe you can delegate some work or a task to help her feel valuable. See how you can have her practice some of her skills with a new project. Even though you are the supervisor, she may feel stuck or not trusted with her decisions opinions
I’ve recently come to find that she’s actually very negative about our work place to others. Asked to be taken off live transfers today which is bread and butter money. Recently asked if it was cool to get a second job. I would typically have already done what you recommended had she shown and displayed a better attitude with me and about the company.
Wrong I’ll just go to (other manager’s) team”. That’s not how our company dynamic works at all but what she said to me. I recently used some of her sales calls as highlight reels/playbook material. Was met with “send me their calls and I’ll send them notes” to come to find out what she really wanted to tell me was “I don’t want anyone shadowing me or listening to my sales calls”. I’m not trying to be petty but I very much think she THINKS she can do my job better than me and is passive aggressively and other times directly insubordinate. How do I handle this?