I went to a firm happy hour last night and was shocked by how much social drinking is actually just functional alcoholism. It’s like the only way anyone knows how to decompress from the stress is by getting completely trashed together. Has anyone found a firm where sobriety (or even just moderation) is actually respected?

My understanding is that alcoholism is largely defined by whether use is difficult to control and whether it has a negative impact on the user’s health and life. Unless someone was doing something that objectively damaged their career, I don’t see how you can diagnose alcoholism from people getting a buzz at happy hour.

I kinda understand what you’re getting at, but the way you phrased it makes you sound absolutely insufferable, OP. Be nicer to people, please.

Debevoise supposedly doesn’t have alcohol at firm social events.

I remember working late while traveling to a client site, and one of my colleagues broke out a big ol bottle of scotch toward the end. There actually was a little pressure to drink, but it passed once I said no.

I don't drink at all, and for the most part people don't pressure me over it and don't care. But I do find that some firm events revolve around alcohol (for example, wine tastings) and I feel a bit out of the loop on those. Even if people are fine with me not drinking it feels a little odd.

I read an article years ago and I have also heard from several attorneys who had done research that the legal field in particular lawyers are one of the highest professions for alcohol abuse. I have never been at a firm where it was not the norm. However knowing several recovering alcoholics, people who don’t drink for medical or religious reasons, or those who just don’t care to drink, I always tried to encourage a few non alcohol related events a year. At the ones there was alcohol I made sure we had N/A options including mocktails so they could still have something festive and fun. This however is not the norm! I was successful at my previous job but I will also note that we had to place a restriction on Associates because they would go have a a happy hour in the middle of the day and it got excessive and we didn’t want the liability. You were only allowed to do a happy hour without a Partner paying for it if the Managing Partner approved it! I will say this did create other fun things one group did the multi tiered driving range place snacks were provided, another time we set up a putt putt course around the office, bring your family putt putt event with lunch at a local putt putt place all no alcohol. I know this is not always feasible in a large office but individual teams could easily do them, if it’s in the budget.

I saw associates getting trashed in the late 80s and well into the early 2000s. I noticed a significant change after 2008 though, and folks for the most part kept their drinking in check (I think fear of harassment had a lot to do with it). That said, I saw another trend emerge. In my early law firm days, I was impressed that associates completely mixed socially with the support staff. That went away about 15 years ago. About four or five years ago a fairly new partner personally invited me to a happy hour. When I got there and he found out that I wasn't an attorney (I guess my director's window office confused him), he literally got up from our conversation and walked away to join some associates. Eventually, one of the older partners showed up and hung out with me a bit. The return of the lawyer / non-lawyer divide is alive and well - which doesn't bode well for what's coming.

As someone who is familiar and involved with lawyers assistance program and a sober attorney for 14 years I will say there is a lot of functional drinking in law. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to be an alcoholic. You do have to not have control of your drinking. I did not hit bottom per se, but I had a problem. Recognizing the issue is not OP being square, it’s OP recognizing that this is not a place they feel comfortable. Sometimes law firm drinking gets completely out of hand. Not everyone is an alcoholic but there are high numbers of functional alcoholics within law. I was one. I have found firms with less drinking, but the are often smaller. If you want to not drink, you may get questions, but more often than not, if I have some sort of drink in my hand people don’t care. It’s when I stand there with nothing, not even water, that people get weird. So get a fun mocktail, have a Shirley temple or Roy Rodgers. Stay away from judgement and find your space there or someplace else where they respect you for your work and enjoy your company. Being an amiable person will go a long way towards building relationships in that culture. It’s the culture of law. It’s the culture we live in. Dry January and California sober are there for a reason. But cut them and yourself some slack. Enjoy where you are, don’t go, or move on. You have choices here.

I find it’s totally practice area dependent. I’m in commercial litigation and the people I’ve met are not partiers and I’ve never seen anyone have more than like, two drinks. Other practice groups can be rowdy though

I don't drink outside of my own house, but I can surely tell you, I pay attention to those that do at happy hours, get-togethers, birthdays, Superbowl...wherever, because I'm taking keys and they can sleep in that car all night before I or some innocent person gets slammed into a tree because that person felt they could make it home.​​

Mental Health Counselor- I totally agree with you. I have noticed the same behaviors in my circle of associates and have wondered why this seems to be the norm. Being that I am very health conscious, going to the gym after work, works for me,

I've posted on this topic before. I agree with you that drinking is a major aspect of the practice of law (at least the social aspect). That said, the event you attended was a HAPPY HOUR. What did you expect? You went to law school, it sounds like you're a new attorney but its february so you aren't brand new most likely. You've been around long enough to know a happy hour in these settings involves drinking.

Although drinking is a major part of firm life, I have never been in a firm where sobriety or moderation were not respected. And I've been at everything from small boutique firms to AMLaw 50 to now in house. I've had managing partners and division leaders who were teetotalers. I've hung out with people at conferences and bar functions who are drinking tonic water or just iced tea. I myself have at times needed to cut back on my drinking and have gone sober for periods of time and have never been excluded or cast aside. To the extent I felt out of place because I wasn't drinking, that was me projecting onto myself not because of how others are reacting.

What I would suggest if you can't stand the happy hour scene is don't attend. Still be active in other facets of the firm so you are getting that important networking. But avoid the events that you know will involve drinking.

3/5 firms that I have worked for have had robust liquor/wine/beer cabinets or fridges and have had happy hours, drinking on the premesis, or alcohol establishment events. One firm actually has a liquor cart they push around the office & staff make drinks at your door. I never felt pressure to consume alcohol and every one had alternative options. I have seen some partners, associates, and legal assistants overconsume at some events. Occasionally, someone will ask why I'm not drinking, and when I explain that I have an allergy, they leave me alone (like the rest of the event). One firm had a standing rule- no drinking & driving- and they would pay for or reimburse your Uber. Then I worked at another firm where the MP would come in not just hung over, but also drunk, at 9am. My first morning at that firm, he was back and forth to the bathroom & puking. Not a good look. I usually cut out early from alcohol-centered events, they just aren't for me.

Yeah, I found a virtual firm, so no events/happy hours/lunches/retreats where booze would normally be flowing at my previous firms. I do miss the camaraderie from time to time.

What do you mean respected? You have free will

I’m not really a retail sales associate. But, I avoid these events like the plague because nothing good can come of them. And bad things certainly can.