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Hey any younger or older want-to-be moms - don't let this person's cockiness demean your fertility struggles. There's a way to be happy for yourself without making others feel bad or lesser-than. This is not it.
I’m happy for her, truly, I don’t want anyone to feel what I’m going through. I just hope she recognizes that words matter and it cuts deep to those of us who are struggling. It makes me feel like a failure as a woman every time I hear someone say “it was so easy, I don’t know why people said it would take a long time” and stuff like that. But truly, I am so so happy for you and wish you the best of luck! I just urge a little caution in how you opt to express your joy.
Congratulations! 🎉 don’t let the “geriatric pregnancy” moniker get you down. Take advantage of the NIPT being covered by most insurance for 35+! I got it with my 2nd (pregnant at 35, 32 with my first) and I loved having the peace of mind about the genetics stuff without anything invasive. Also was fun to learn gender 10-12 weeks earlier than usual (if you want to know, that is).
I’m sorry to anyone who felt put down by this, this was absolutely not my intention. I know fertility struggles are very real. I was just making a comment on chances of conceiving at 35, and there’d a lot of research that the language that’s often used is quite alarmist (“geriatric”) and overhyped when the actual chances based on current research are not that much lower. Honestly meant to be a feel good, don’t worry post - I’m sorry to anyone for whom I’ve caused pain.
Congratulations OP! What you shared is exactly how I feel (I had 2 kids after age 35).
With that said, I have a sister that struggles with infertility. The challenge (from my perspective and in my experience) is that most of what I say is ‘wrong’ and then when I don’t say anything I still get a negative reaction because I’m not acknowledging her journey. The challenge is that we (my sis and I) both can’t fix it...we are in this experience together watching my two kids run around and grow.
Please don’t stop sharing yourself because women struggling with fertility DO need to hear the positive stories. I am very open with the women (older and younger) about my experience so they know it is out there. Our stories will reach the exact person that needs to hear it at the right time. The women that get upset are the ones where there’s nothing you can do and there isn’t a ‘right thing’ to say - they are just in it. We can do our best to meet them where they are at and respect their pain/discomfort. But self editing is not the answer.
My post was more to clarify that there isn’t a way to “acknowledge how lucky I am” to keep friends/family enjoying being around me/my kids.
The words I say are wrong when doing this (almost always). Use of silence is wrong to.
If anything, I feel it is more of a balance of my own ‘reactions’ where if my sister needs to skip a birthday party (simply because it is too hard)...it is on me to love open ended. No judgement; only space to let her deal in her own way while still having an open door when she can join again.
*hope this translates well with kindness ❤️
Yes, I'm 100% positive OP's intention was not meant to be hurtful, and she totally deserves to celebrate. Wish her all good things to come. Every journey IS different, and she is extremely lucky to have beaten the odds. A little more self-awareness of just how lucky will help prevent those who are not from the deep, dark spiral of pain that even just seeing or hearing about another's BFP can set off.
Congratulations OP! This is an exciting time, and I wish you all the best 😊 Frankly, I don’t think your post came across as a put-down, but as an honest post about your own journey. I think those struggling with fertility are probably extra sensitive to hearing about those who get pregnant right away though.
Congratulations!!!
Anyone over 35 has to ask their doctor about stats based on studies from after the year 2000. Many of the fear-mongering studies are from before that year and are a small regional head count of women. Ask for the details and push your doctors to recite current stats.
I got pregnant on the first month we tried and had a miscarriage at the end of the first trimester. Now we’re struggling to conceive again because my body is taking a while to heal. My best friend tried for two years on Clomid and now has a little boy. Another close friend has been trying for a year and doctors can’t figure out why she can’t conceive. My cousin had two children by accident and she’s having a difficult time as a stay at home mom of two under 5 while her husband is in deployment. Another close friend had a stillborn at six months. Everybody’s journey is different. Everyone deserves compassion.
I’m not trying to “tear anyone down” at all. Just want OP to understand how saying “wow this was so easy for me what was I worried about” can be painful for a wide variety of audiences. Others in this thread have already explained, so I don’t think we need to crucify each other. Let’s just come from a place of understanding.
Great read for anyone planning their own journey - https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/309374/
Pro
D1 is correct. You will meet a lot of people who will be hurt to hear how easy peasy it was for you when that’s framed the way you did (that it SHOULD be easy peasy, see here’s a study!). Frame it as good fortune and know that folks who are not as lucky are often incredibly hormonal and emotional and you will lose friends over this kind of thing if you are not careful. Gloating and celebrating are different. Aim for the latter and you’ll have lots of company, stick to the former and you risk hurting people you care about.