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These first two replies are unhinged. While I vastly prefer being able to drink at a wedding I would think nothing of an alcoholic having a dry wedding, seems totally fair to me. Your fiancé should be more forthright with his recovery though.
Oh totally agree, either make it a brunch/lunch wedding or disclose ahead of time, but not serving alcohol isn’t inherently rude.
Guests should be made aware so they can make a fully informed decision. It’s fine to have a dry wedding. His sobriety and what you two want matters most, but guests should know that this party is sans booze. A huge part of AA/recovery is accountability so it’s interesting you’re inviting people to your wedding that aren’t close to you two. How does he feel about having a dry wedding? Have you asked him? If you do a dry wedding maybe have a signature non-alcoholic sparkling drink, or a tea and coffee bar? Or depending on the time of year and location a hot cocoa station!
Same! I’m at a point in my life where only the people we truly care about will be at our wedding. We’re trying to keep the guest list to under 50 but that’s proving a bit tough with just close family and friends. Lol. Like someone else said I’d include a note on the website or the invite so people know. G’luck!
Pro
I think this is fine. I would include something in the invitation letting people know it will be a dry wedding. I would say something like “Out of love and respect for our loved ones who struggle with sobriety, we will not be serving alcohol at our reception. Thank you for understanding.” If someone won’t come to your wedding solely because they can’t drink, they are either not really your friends and/or have an alcohol problem themselves.
It’s not worth risking the sobriety of your fiancé or other family members just to please some people who want to drink. I also agree with AA1 that an earlier wedding and lunch reception could work well.
A1- Thank you for your advice!! I will include something on the website so that people will know. And I appreciate you responding kindly to this. I know that weddings are a celebration and I know that drinking is common to celebrate (which honestly is why I asked bc I know it’s unconventional and a let down for most people who attend weddings). Thank you again:)
Yes, it is considered rude. Go for a scaled back bar with just wine and beer.
I am not making comments specifically targeted at you, aside from the first sentence pointing out that the point isn’t about cost savings (which I derived based on your response pointing out wine/beer bar is significantly less expensive).
The second paragraph was me simply stating a comment based on reading through other replies. I have a partner who is in a recovery program and have attended meetings in support. It has changed my perspective on how we as a society base so many things around alcohol consumption, which is why I’ve also strongly proposed non-alcoholic events at my firm’s local office. I guess through experience I’ve learned to anticipate that we don’t know everyone’s story and there very well may be individuals struggling and/or trying to remain clean/sober who just don’t want to share those personal details. Seeing the stigma faced by others, I don’t blame them.
I hope that adds a bit of clarity to my initial response. I did not mean any direct offense to you or anyone else specifically, just stating my personal observations from reading through this entire thread.
My friend had an early wedding and served lunch after the reception. She didn’t serve alcohol but it made more sense given the time of day.
AA2 that’s a good point. Thanks for the advice!
If I were a guest at a dry wedding and did not know the reason it were dry, then yes, I’d find it rude and I’d be annoyed. HOWEVER, this issue is NOT worth compromising your fiancé’s sobriety and YOUR day. If there are serious underlying issues at play here, and it’s not just preference, then absolutely do not have it at your wedding. Appeasing guests at the expense of your health is not what a wedding should be. I do think you should provide a heads up to your guests (on the invite, wedding website, or elsewhere) that it will be a dry wedding. You don’t need to explain why, but this is the polite thing to do and will also cut down on guests asking you why or where they can get a drink during the big day.
Thank you for your feedback! Yes we will let the guests know, and that will hopefully ease everyone’s stress/confusion around this.
You should let your guests know in advance if you choose not to serve it. I bartended at a wedding where the wife and groom wanted a dry wedding, but the family was against it, so they compromised with mocktails and only beer, wine, and whiteclaw.
It’s your wedding and you should be able to do whatever you want. I would, however, make it extremely clear to all guests that it will be a 100% alcohol free wedding. Be prepared to receive some backlash and some people not deciding to attend. A daytime or brunch wedding might be the answer to your dry wedding. There is typically less expectation for a bar at a daytime wedding. A signature mock tail might also be a good idea and make sure you have plenty of NA drink options.
OP — It’s your wedding, do what you want! If you don’t want alcohol at the wedding, then don’t have alcohol. If anyone complains, remind them it’s not their wedding.
You do whatever you want but absolutely tell your guests in advance so they can choose not to come
If it’s because of sobriety I completely understand and wouldn’t care. I’d make it known on the wedding website or something.
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I attended a wedding where the groom had an alcohol problem. The bartenders were apparently instructed to not give him alcohol, but either they didn’t listen or his “friends” gave him some. Long story short, night ended poorly for the bride and groom as the groom had to be babysat by groomsmen all night.
I’ve also attended a dry wedding due to religious reasons.
It’s your day. If you don’t want to serve, don’t. Just inform your guests ahead of time. It sucks, but some people only care about the food and alcohol and less about celebrating you.
Perhaps you and your fiancé could get some food prior to the reception. That way, since you guys wont be needing food, it’d be totally cool to not provide it for anyone.
IF the issue is that they are scared they will relapse at their wedding if there is wine and beer, then I agree - disclose it on your wedding website and don’t have alcohol. The question was if it is bad to not have any alcohol at your wedding. Yes it is bad. But maybe it is what OP needs to do.
Pro
Let people know in advance, maybe have it more at a brunch time than an evening wedding, and serve super fun mock tails and REALLY good food. I will say I’ve heard stories about people tailgating outside dry weddings, which is why I’d suggest not doing it in the evening.
Brunch is a great idea! And yes, I will make sure the food is amazing:)
I think maybe if you just offered something like beer and wine and maybe only for the first 3 hours as opposed to the entire event? Also, you could consider just a cash bar where guests can buy themselves drinks, and in order to limit consumption you could tell the bar only to serve beer and wine. Just some ideas! Your wedding isn’t about alcohol, so guests that love you shouldn’t mind at all
It’s not bad to have a dry wedding. But do disclose this. Weddings suck for attendees (at least in my opinion) and alcohol is the only thing that makes it doable.
I get it, that’s why I was so torn about it 😅
I've been to a couple of dry weddings. I think if you skip the booze make sure you have a really good and engaging DJ and maybe have everyone do a sparkling cider toast to keep it festive-feeling. Your wedding is about you and your soon-to-be husband and everyone should get that!
Guests need to know in advance. You can’t spring it on them. There are two truths here- you should not have alcohol if it will jeopardize your guys sobriety. You also cannot host an event for people and not have alcohol (unless you make it very clear so people can make informed decisions). A wedding is still an event, you’re asking people to spend time, money, and come- it sucks but a huge part of weddings is the entertainment of your guests. I suggest making it very clear in advance or do something as a compromise. Maybe like a signature cocktail only or something?
Your wedding your choices. No alcohol won’t turn people who love you away
I agree with everyone saying you should let guests know the reason. Hopefully you can come up with nice language to explain. I don’t know how far along you are with planning but perhaps consider changing the format? I would be way less concerned with no alcohol if the wedding was a fancy dinner versus a huge banquet where the DJ is telling everyone to do the cha cha slide. Point being, most of your guests are perfectly happy to go without alcohol, under the right circumstances.