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My (now) wife popped the question after a month of “talking”. Married for 10 years & 3 kids Alhamdullilah! I know this is not the norm nowadays. FWIW - Millennial here.
Get off social media. Compromise. Life is not as glamorous as it is portrayed on IG. Recommend attending marriage counseling/workshops at the masjid. This is for everyone- married & unmarried.
How long have you two been talking? Did you know each other prior to these 4 months? How old are you? What is your communicated marriage timeline? Have you two covered the foundational questions needed to assess compatibility?
Most people aren’t 100% confident about marriage after 4 months of FaceTime and seeing each other a few dates (or whatever the number is). If YOU would like to speed it up, you need to communicate that to her and schedule more dates and ask to meet her family. Most Muslim women aren’t going to come out and say “I’m confident about you,” they usually follow the man’s lead.
It also depends on your definition of “confident.” Are you asking for her to commit to you in a relationship? Do you want her to commit to you for a marriage now?
You need to be open about your expectations with her to see if you’re aligned
The answer would vary on many things such as the person, the conversations you had (what did you discuss and what you didn't), their experiences. Best thing may be to ask her directly why she is unsure and what it would take to get her to a decision. Marriage is a big decision and sometimes we are scared. Being an understanding person who is open to communication and trying to understand her needs may show her what you could bring in a relationship. Best wishes.
Why would she say that? Is it a reassurance for you?
Nope, not unreasonable at all. Are the parents involved at this stage?
First, I’m sorry you went through this experience! May Allah SwT give you the strength and comfort you need.
Second, you don’t know me, neither I you, so ‘people like you’ comment isn’t a fair characterization.
Third, I agree. There isn’t a set rule - nor do we truly know what is in OP’s heart or his prospect’s. We’re just sharing our lived anecdotal experiences (and opinions). In my opinion (and experience), unnecessarily prolonging the ‘taking stage’ invites a third person to the equation… either set a baseline in the first few months, clear your doubts, get the parents involved or cut your losses when someone is [still] unsure after months of talking. No need to lead someone on…
OP - do you sense any hesitation from her?