Related Posts
Bowl Leader
More Posts
Bowl Leader
Who does everyone work for in london?
How can one overcome anxiety when presenting?
Hello
I am Vinay and currently working in Kyndryl-IBM. My company has so many openings and I would be happy to refer you all. Just provide your email-id and the role you wish to apply for.
If you're looking for a change please contact me.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vinay-kumar-384281151/
Phone No: +91-9030866812
Email: vinaykumar818486@gmail.com
If you need further help please feel free to contact me
I'm available for all your job-related needs and don't hesitate to reach out.
How many pages is your resume/CV?
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
If you’ve told him (repeatedly) that birthdays are important to you and celebrating yours would make you happy but he still consciously ignores it… I’m afraid he just doesn’t care enough about you…
No, if it is important to you, then it is important to you. He doesn’t have to care about birthdays, but he should care about making you happy in ways that are significant to you, especially when you have already communicated them to him.
Organize the party you want with friends. Stop doing his-what he gets is what you get him. It sounds like gifts aren’t his love language. You either live with that or let him go.
BT1 - dead serious. She already knows what she wants, so why not make the arrangements and enjoy the day!
Plan a trip with a girlfriend 🖕🏼he’ll get the hint or miss out
I hear you girl. I have been through similar situation. Still I don’t have any answer. It’s not that SO is a bad person but it’s just a matter of preference.
Have you specifically told him “I want you to do something special for my birthday” and “special to me means XYZ”? Or have you just said generally you “love birthdays”? Men don’t think like we do or pick up on what we do sometimes , they need it said more directly. Try it out for something else coming up and see how he reacts. If still nothing then I agree it seems like he doesn’t care.
Yes, he asked what I wanted to do for my bday and I specified activities I wanted to do with him. He’s not good at buying gifts so I decided to make it about an experience together rather than a physical gift. I thought I was specific enough but if I have to draw it for him and do all the work myself then I don’t want a relationship like that. How hard is it to book dinner and a specific show, damn it?
Stop doing anything for his birthday. For your own birthday, plan a girlie trip away and celebrate in style, have fun and leave him at home.
My friends certainly spoiled me and I wasn’t cheated out of a good bday celebration. Last year I even went on a trip by myself. The point is, I want to celebrate these special moments with people closest to me, including my SO. If he is not a part of it and doesn’t celebrate me, all these other things don’t necessarily make up for it. I think I just need a new SO who will respect things that are important to me.
I went through the same thing with my partner and one year he showed up to my home on my birthday with nothing, not even flowers or a card… so I kicked him out of my home. He got the memo after that. Sometimes if they don’t listen when you tell them something more than once, you have to take a stand, especially if it’s very important to you.
lol I love this! Thanks for making me laugh 😆. I agree with you 💯
I understand. Mine has been a bomb and I always go out of my way year after year
Just a SO? Not married. No kids? Then you know what to do?
Pro
Yeah, I think I do 😔
Hmm yea, I just wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t care about things I told them are important to me. Had a bunch of half-ass relationships until I met my now-husband. I hope your guy is good in other ways, but if I were you I’d start looking to unwind this relationship because it’s only going to get worse imo.
You tell him you expect him to do something special and go all out because it’s important to you
I’m not big on bdays myself but I still feel that it is nice to celebrate. Perhaps talk to him again and if he is not willing to acknowledge that yourself you a gift card from him to you. That’s what I do with mine. I just put a bunch of stuff I. His credit card and go with my gf to celebrate also on his dime. Some men are not into planning anything mien does not. Not vacations or anything else. He lack of initiative and imagination
You know, I tried some versions of that in the past, but it doesn’t make me feel better. All I want is for someone to acknowledge what is important to me and care enough to execute on it once a year. It doesn’t take much effort to do exactly what someone asked you to. No creativity needed. If he is not doing it, then he doesn’t care that it’s important to me and everything else is just a lame excuse.
You should tell him you want to do something and just make it happen. I know it’s not the same as if he planned something but you also can’t say nothing and sit around sad. And you can definitely always just do something like dinner with the girls or a trip. Everyone celebrates birthdays differently. Definitely try to speak with him (when you’re not in your feelings) and emphasize how important it is to you. Hopefully he will become willing to make an effort and when he does, appreciate it - whether it’s big or small.
Yeah I read them after posting lol. Very tough :/ but definitely something to weigh if you can handle being with this type of person long term. i had an ex that was like that and it broke my heart. I’m not even a big bday person but at least somethingggg
What if instead if planning his birthday you just plan yours. Win win since he doesn’t care and you do
Because I want to feel special on my birthday and that includes him taking initiative to plan something. I’m happy to provide input. My girlfriends plan our outings for my birthday too. It’s not about gifts or actual plans. It’s about signaling to that person that they are special to you so you will make an effort and do the work on that one day. I can buy myself gifts, plan trips and celebrations but that’s not the point for me.
Girl, talk to him. I love my SO, but he will miss his parents bday and Mother’s Day if I didn’t remind him about it. Each year, I ask him to surprise me with a bday cake from my fav bakery and I ask for a bday gift (tea set, makeup, perfume, etc) and flowers too, or chocolate. It also helps if he buddies up with family and friends to plan something. Maybe I’m doing too much but it’s worked so far! I also got these tips from his mom 😆 Mama knows best. She does the same for Xmas and her birthday from her son and husband.
Pro
I did ask for specific activities for us to do together for my birthday. All he needed to do it book.
Is he by any chance on the spectrum of autism?
Is it just the bday thing or more things ?
Pro
He’s not on the spectrum. He’s like this about anything that he doesn’t think is important even if it’s important to me.
Oof I feel this. Have gone through a similar thing with my husband (although his issue is he’s terrible at making decisions on his own when it’s something that matters to me - he once visited a store every day for 2 weeks trying to decide between 2 gifts for me for Christmas. He’s great at the research, just not pulling the trigger). I think it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job communicating - the only other things I think you could try is:
(1) reminding him a couple times that he should go ahead and book something (for example, if your bday is 12/5, on 11/5 remind him.. and then again on 11/20) weeks in advance - and really trying to do this without anger; and
(2) tell him that if he’s struggling to figure out which thing to book, he can reach out to xyz person (bonus points if it’s a mutual friend) and you know they’ll help guide him in the right direction; and
(3) try to sit down and calmly talk to him and be like “hey - what happened with my birthday this year? I thought I had communicated about some baseline things I would like, but I don’t feel like you heard me. Is there anything I can do differently next year, because I’m feeling really hurt right now”
Hhmmm…time to find a new SO. You’ve done all the right things by communicating the importance of birthday celebrations as well as giving him ideas. If he can’t be bothered to execute, he’s not worth any more of your time. Because honestly, it’s not just about birthdays. It’s indicative of how he will behave about ALL things in your future that just aren’t important to him.