M26, I'm scared of a relationship. I've never been in one before and mostly had FWBs and just really good friends but never made the leap. Part of me is torn cause I think I'm still too young, ambitious and enjoy my independence but I'm reaching a point of getting tired of the same old same of opening up to new random people and making new fwbs I'm emotionally and physically invested in. So for someone who is nervous about taking a leap on this what are some things I should seriously consider?

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Why not give it a try. You might find that one person who might respect your independence and support you in your ambitions. The right partner will empower you more. Either way, you come out more enriched & knowing about yourselves. It’s hard & takes time but I don’t think 26 is early. Introspect your fears and move forward.

You might find the book ‘Attached’ helpful. Just helps you find your attachment style

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I did read attached 😂 great book too

Also - you can always “date” but not necessarily establish a relationship. Naturally, it takes dating to even see if you are compatible.

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Fair point, I can go at my own pace

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You should try therapy. There's something going on if you're afraid of relationships and commitment, or if you assume that having an SO instead of FWB means you can't achieve your ambitions. You need help to break down and address what's going on.

If you work for a big company, you likely have online talk therapy covered by an EAP/benefits program. Look for names like betterhelp and talkspace. Easy to sign up for, no insurance hassles, and virtual calls means no commuting.

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Appreciate that definitely taking therapy

I think this is normal…I felt the same way in my 20’s. You don’t need to seek a relationship out. Maybe you hookup with a dude and then you hook up a second time, and then maybe you do something non sexual like get a drink or coffee. Relationships tend to just happen. You know if when you feel it. It sounds to me like you haven’t met a guy yet that is worth continued time and effort - and that is okay. You be you.

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Thank you for this

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If you’re a person who has a lot of FWBs, then maybe an open relationship would be best. I think you may get bored of the relationship relatively quickly if it’s supposed to be closed.

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I've considered this but I guess I won't know til I try. But gut tells me monogamy but that can be a conversation in the future maybe

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You shouldn’t have to / need to compromise on your ambition or independence in a health and respectful relationships. Put yourself out there and go with the flow, don’t have a long checklist when dating people, and be communicative - there will be some ups and downs and but you’ll have a good time.

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Really appreciate this too. Thank you so much

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Thanks for sharing this. Currently in the same boat…

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