I’ve been dating a guy who’s in the process of separating from his husband. I’ve found it emotionally difficult that he is not available as much as would be expected - he has to sleep at home most nights, we can’t really have a social life together yet, our weekend time together is weaved in around his family obligations (they have a child), etc. How do I tell whether I’m being unreasonable or whether I’m in an unhealthy situation?

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You are being unreasonable in this unhealthy situation. Not healthy because no matter what he says, dude is still married. He's living at home with his husband and his child. This person is not available to you, in any way, as a romantic partner. You know who needs his attention more than you? The child.

Please do yourself a favor and see a therapist. Consider why you think so little of yourself that you see a relationship with a married man in the midst of a divorce who still lives with his spouse and child as an attractive romantic partner. What's going on with you that you have chosen someone who is unavailable and incapable of giving you the things you say you want: time, presence, connection. Why also would you want a partner who will be so emotionally raw, who hasn't had adequate time to heal themselves?

likeupliftingsmarthelpful

Thanks M1 for the honest response. I will reflect on this!

I wouldn’t date someone until the divorce was final. You don’t want that child thinking you’re some kind of home-wrecker.

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Family comes first. You will always be the “other man”.

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You are unreasonable AND in an unhealthy situation.

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You need to break up. The concerning thing is you said you can’t have a social life on weekends. Is that because he doesn’t want to be seen with you? Because he’s not really separating from his husband. Or because he has a child and he’s not partying anymore and you want to party. Even if he eventually gets divorced. The child isn’t going anywhere. So to me sounds like you’re being a but unreasonable. But also why is he still living at home if he’s separating. That seems strange’

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It’s because he still sleeps at his home, and they do a lot of their stuff with their kid together. I have no desire to party, and down the road I don’t see the kid as an issue once it gets to the point where we can all do things together - in fact it’s something I look forward to. Not saying this justifies anything or that your conclusion is wrong, just providing an explanation as requested

Not knowing you personally, or him, you do seem like a considerate person. I’m afraid you are setting yourself up to be hurt. If they have kids and still live together, you will never be top priority. You also, no matter how much you like him, should never settle for second best. Trust me, I know from experience. It’s not fair to you and it may even place extra pressure on him by trying to figure out how to make himself happy while also trying to be a good dad.

Easy for me to say, but the best thing for both of you is most likely to end it romantically, still be a friend and he probably needs one but don’t expect anything else from it. At worst you have a friend, and at best, but realistically not likely, they divorce, he moves out and you pick back up.

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We’re you the reason they separated? Or did you meet after the process of separation initiated?

Ahhh helll nawwww

Post Photo

Yeah it’s both as others have said. Not a good start for anyone involved.

This guy sure moved on quickly..

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