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Yes but tbh it was related to how shitty our work computers are lol
I feel that lol
I have cried more in the past six months since starting this job then I have in the previous six years. And I work in a really collegial office. Just having trouble with the stress and constant feelings of inadequacy.
Everyone feels inadequate when they first start. As others have said, that will pass.
Mentor
I feel like some people in this thread need to understand that crying can be a helpful release of emotion, not a sign of weakness. It is okay to cry about stress at work and also personal tragedies - you don’t have a limited number of tears that get used up. Let the tears flow if you want and help reduce stress/anger. It’s okay to be human and experience the full range of feelings.
Enthusiast
💯💯💯💯💯💯
The notion that men crying is something that should only happen when they go to war or lose a loved one is so detrimental and damaging to their mental health.
Whether tears stem from stress, anger, sadness, or gratitude— the expression of it should always be encouraged without judgment.
No. It’s just work, what’s there to cry about? And yes I’ve had nightmares of people to work for. It’s not like we’re in the military at war where we can die any moment, or someone close just got diagnosed with cancer, or a loved once has died, etc.
Save the crying for actual tragedies you’ll face in your life, not work.
Community Builder
OP - understood but breeding a culture where the slightest minor thing going wrong causes you to breakdown and cry isn't great either. You are implying that its okay to cry in every situation. Thats not balanced either. I've worked with people that are ultra emotional and managing their emotions on top of workload is no easy or fun task. Making a big deal out of trivial things is a waste of time. You're harvesting coddle culture.
Coach
I don’t think eyes this tired can manufacture tears.
Mentor
No but if a male (or female) co-worker was crying about work I would try to support them and not treat it as shameful.
This is the way.
Yes, once. Left the office to do it. Quit a few months later and have, ever since, carried a grudge against the partner responsible for pushing me to that point.
Mentor
P2: I think that is something people do not get. Our industry is small enough that you will meet twice, so why be horrible unprovoked especially to people who work for you. I have a list of those people and I am generally not a very vindictive person.
Yes.
Also just heard someone weeping in the men's room. Literally just now
Enthusiast
Damn. This makes me sad. Something about crying in the bathroom just makes it even worse.
Mentor
Not even close. I won’t give this job that much power.
Yes. Stemming from a partner being cruel and evil. The partner would belittle me and actively prevented and sabotaged me from working on matters for a certain client. Now, I’m in house at that client. Moral of the story, keep your head up!
Subject Expert
Haha I hope you fired the firm.
Subject Expert
I am a woman but I feel sad for those of you saying you never cry/you’re only allowed to cry about people dying in a war-zone etc. This job is so stressful/exhausting, y’all! Let it out sometimes. Don’t let toxic masculinity win.
I cry a lot and it’s usually just from exhaustion (triggered by partner/opposing counsel etc saying something but the real reason is always exhaustion lol). I also get extremely angry and scream and smack things and wish violence upon people and, uh, I think that’s worse. 😂🤦🏽♀️
That’s fair. For me, I cry in very emotionally impactful events like deaths in the family, etc. Work just hasn’t impacted me in that way, but I don’t judge others who have different triggers. I would quit if my job made my cry, but that’s based on how impactful something needs to be to put me in that kind of state.
As a junior, I went to the bathroom to weep a few times when things were really blowing up and I got totally overwhelmed. I also felt trapped since I had just lateralled and the partner was a brutal asshole. Spoke to a few male friends who said similar. It happens, don’t hold it against people who do. We all have different triggers. And honestly I’m someone who isn’t too emotional normally.
Enthusiast
I’m glad to hear you talked to others about it.
At least monthly at this point. It’s not usually partners, but rather an outlet for all the built up stress that I can’t hold in anymore.
Yes. Several times.
I cried fairly frequently my first few months on the job. One of the female seniors in my group caught me in my office one day and basically ushered me down to lunch to talk about it and gave me some good perspective about just how hard it is to adjust to this work/environment. Just having that interaction/conversation helped me a lot (she’s since left the firm, but I consider her an invaluable mentor).
Ultimately, I started seeing a therapist and, while the coping strategies helped, it was still pretty bad at times. This past winter, I was in a pretty prolonged depressive state and I was crying more often (albeit, in the comfort of my own home). I chose to talk to my doctor about an antidepressant. A few months on and I’m so glad I made that choice: I feel more whole than I have in a few years, more evened out, less caught up in the day-to-day emergencies and problems that come with biglaw work. Overall, it was a great decision for me personally.
Mentor
Got very close a couple times. But was because of verbal abuse and belittling from partners, not necessarily the workload, though the emotions probably got the better of me due to lack of sleep.
Only once, after pulling an all-nighter following multiple consecutive nights without more than a couple hours of sleep and then getting the 2nd COVID shot. All nighter was because I was driving to Dallas from Houston and blew a tire at midnight 2 hours before arriving, and then the next morning another fire drill cropped up when I was on the way to the airport for a vacation.
That was the busiest and most stressed I’d ever been, and I blame the emotional wreckage on a combo of lack of sleep and vaxx side effects. I went to sleep for 15 hours after that and felt like a whole new person the next day.
@A21 some people feel like shit for about 24-48 hours after the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines. It’s well-known, I’m (obviously) not antivax.
I never really think to cry. Usually it's anger, embarrassment, depression, and rumination that affects me.
Kind of like when your parents would yell at you and you would go destroy your room to deflect.
I'll probably die a lot sooner than I should have because of it.
Yes. Stayed in the office till 3-4am a few times in one week and cried on the way back home on the last day lol
Absolutely.