My daughter is going to be 2 soon, wondering if we should go for another kid or not, the only motivation is to get her a sibling so she is not lonely, otherwise last 2 yrs have been pretty hard, any advice on what motivated or deterred you from having a second kid?!

I was in your shoes and not ready but really wanted to “complete” our family and provide that sibling. Thought “this is as ready as I’ll be”.

Boy, I had no idea what I was in for. I have no village and was already struggling with my mental health so having the second only made things unsustainable for me. I was dealing with undiagnosed ADHD for years that really exacerbated after kids. Ended up putting a lot on my husband to get through the last year and a half and lots of MH support.

Do I regret having my son? Of course not. Do I think kids are overrated and we were pressured through societal norms to commit? Yes. If I knew what I know now AND didn’t have a village, I would probably have an only.

Everyone’s situation is different. Follow your heart.

We had a 2nd right as 1st turned 2yr9m. It’s been the best thing ever. It’s hard. Having a newborn to me was the hardest both times. The kids couldn’t be more opposite but I love watching the two of them together. Someone once said if you have 1 you are the entertainer. If you have 2 you are the referee. That’s been true so far and I love watching them. Some unexpected things are harder though like missing out on some time with my eldest, sometimes splitting up for birthday parties with partner, not giving 100% of myself to the youngest. It’s tough but again worth it!

I have an only. It’s super easy and obviously cheaper, but I regret it and will be having more once I get remarried. They need a friend and it’s lonely when they’re older.

You won’t regret it, but to the point the other person made - make sure you have a reliable/consistent support system. I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old, and yes they are beginning to play together, but I haven’t had a day without (1) work, (2) taking care of kids, or (3) doing chores/parent/housekeeping stuff in over a year. Today’s my first day off in months and I have a baby/toddler with a cold and a boy with endless energy…yet we can’t leave the house.
You won’t regret it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t f***ing hard.

Have a second child because you want to have more children, never because of the motivation or needs of your two year old. She's not paying the bills or doing the housework, so while I respect you wanting to add to your child's happiness, children don't get a say in those decisions.

Completely agree that it’s worth it for your child to have a sibling.

BUT do spare a thought about how you would feel if your second child was special needs, severely disabled, etc. Would you feel resentful towards your first at all (we only did this for you and now look where we are!!) or especially bitter towards your new reality of caring for the second?

I only say this to help you think through: is it worth that possibility for you? Two abled children are hard enough! But remember that even if you have a second “for our first to have someone”, they will always be your child first.

Like I said, I think a sibling is great, and we honestly did that for our kids too! But a friend asked me this, and I thought it was a good thing to think through for myself, just to be sure I had considered it.

I wanted two anyway - I am one of three and love my siblings so much despite all our differences - but seeing my only child husband struggle by himself when his father died solidified my decision. Having siblings doesn’t guarantee an automatic support system but it certainly helps. We now have a 3 and 6 year old boys, and life is wild but I’m so glad we have them both.

One and done here. I know this is such a hard question to answer, because you're going to get many different opinions based on people's lived experiences. My spouse and I debated about having kids at all, but finally agreed to at least one (with the door open for more). But after our first, who was very much wanted and loved, there was never a strong desire to hit "reset" all over again, especially when we hit the toddler years, which I found to be insanely stressful.

So we called it—we're stopping at one. There was a sense of relief when we made the decision. Do I ever wish I had the stamina for two? Yes. Do I feel a little sad knowing my child won't have a sibling? Sometimes. But I am secure in knowing we made the right decision for our family. We are healthier mentally, emotionally, and financially.

I like the idea of a family of four, and the idea of my child having a sibling. But that's all they are—ideas. Fantasies. I did not want to roll the dice again, including for the reasons others have stated. If we had another child just to provide a brother or sister, and that child had significant special needs, I didn't want to experience regret or bitterness. And in the end, a human is not a gift you give to another human. Have another child if YOU want to raise another child.

If you can give it a bit more time to think it over, you can always see how you feel when you're out of the trenches of the terrible twos. Just know that in the end, it's most important to do what is best for YOUR family. You will hear stories from onlies that hated it, and those that loved it. In my own family, I've seen how elder care was made easier by having siblings, and how it was made infinitely harder.

Good luck in your decision!

Go for it. You won’t regret.

I’m an only child that just had our 2nd because I didn’t want that for our daughter. 2.5 year difference and it’s been a great choice so far. Yes, it’s hard, but not as hard as the first.

We may be lucky, but our daughter just wants to take care of the baby. We also are able to afford more support with 2.5 years more of salary progression if that’s a consideration of yours.

imo having a sibling as hard as it may be is gonna turn out better in the long run. If you can’t do it financially then don’t but having someone to grow with is beneficial for both parties. It’s fking hard though but worth it in majority of cases

As someone who only had one child, I would either have two or none if I could do it over again. I love my daughter, so it's not about that. She's grown, but for years she complained that she missed out because she has no siblings. She even said it was "cruel" to have an only child. And I get it. That guilt has been hard for me since she was in grade school and started to complain about it. As an adult, it's still an issue she brings up. That's why I would never have an only child again. They see other kids with siblings and think it's all sunshine and rainbows. Even though we all know that's not the case (my sister and I barely talk and have nothing in common). But I would've definitely had a 2nd child knowing now how she felt so alone without one. Yes OP, have another child if you can. Now is a good time to try since your little one is already two. Best of luck, no matter what you decide to do.

We have just one. Our pregnancy was super easy, delivery was a breeze...Sometimes I'm on the fence about giving them a sibling and I even mourn the fact that we might be OAD. But our kid is super social with lots of cousins and friends. I come from a large family and my childhood was great, and that doesn't mean my kid wouldnt have the same experience.

Yes, its cheaper and a lot more fun knowing that we can just hop up and leave to do fun things around the city because we don't have to load a gaggle of children!

Our village is pretty fragile though, we have older parents and they do not live very close. Private kindergarten is $1750 a week. With just one kid, we've been able to afford to give him everything hes needed. For us, we want to be able to continue to invest and remain flexible for our aging parents. TBH, I'm tired of Girl Bossing and I'd love to slow down to volunteer more at school and focus on being home more often. Although we're high earners, im ok with taking the foot off the pedal to be more present. Also nervous about having a child with special needs. I dont mean to be that way, but it would truly put a strain on our family in many ways. Please don't allow the pressure get the best of you.

As an only child myself- Don’t. Just don’t.

Kids are %@&#^# expensive and hard, unless you have a village, and if you have a village your kiddo shouldn't be lonely, that said around 2 is when kids start playing with baby dolls, learning to take care of pets, stuffies, etc so it is almost ingrained they start asking when they can have a baby sibling.

Doted hard-core on #1, and #1 gushing so much love for baby, but now that little one is 2, the talk of when #3 has started, ugh. Vicious cycle, but so amazing too!

Can relate to SPM1! We have only one and are debating whether to have #2. It was the original plan. Everyone’s different, but at the end you have to take care of yourself first.

My wife had a rough pregnancy (freak accidents like cutting her wrist and breaking her pelvis) and postpartum (+ learning to walk from recovering pelvis + more freak accidents) during our son’s 3 years of life. She’s had clinical depression and anxiety from all of this. And she chose to be a SAHM, while living a small village (primarily church). Motherhood has been very hard for her.

Agreed in feeling this may be societal norms. Also we’re getting pressure from our parents for the first time. We haven’t decided whether to try again for #2, but it’s hard to think about reliving what we did (even if it’s not going to be a repeat of history).

We have two for two reasons

- An overwhelming sensation that it was time, it was literally like walking into a brick wall.

-We listened to that sensation, because my spouse has half siblings that are estranged so it's like not having any, they had to care for and bury their parents alone, only an adult neice for any other responsible adult support

We were younger for the first passing, and it was hard - really hard - we want them to have each other after we are gone

AND we laid the groundwork from pregnancy (and continue to do the work) to support their friendship as siblings which is truly the greatest gift they have ever given us.

tbh, I had a second child for the exact reason you are wanting one. I have an autistic son who was an only child for 5.5 yrs. I tried to coach him & educate him on him having a sibling, but he just did not understand. When I brought his younger brother home, he was not happy. He wanted us to take his little brother back to the hospital, lol. Now, 15 months later, they are best friends. We are still working on sharing toys, but that’s are main struggle rn.
I do wish they were closer in age, but due to my son’s autism, it was much better for us to wait longer since it took him longer to meet basic ADLs (potty training, talking, dressing self, putting on shoes himself, etc). but my oldest seems to cling to his daddy more, giving me a bit more freedom with the youngest.
It’s not easy, but we have a good support system w/ family, friends, and especially church since they have a special needs ministry that works w/ my oldest.
We also started having kids later in life, so we were more financially stable & had been married 10+ yrs before expanding our family. Do we want a 3rd? Absolutely not. We believe this is exactly what God had planned for us & are content with it.

One and done here. We have a 5 year old son and he has never once asked for a sibling, if anything he always talks about how he loves our family and his two puppies. I think he sees his cousins/friends with their siblings and prefers the quiet and less stress in our home.

Only you can make the decision that is right for your family but if that is just having one know it is still a very fulfilling family!

I know this is an older post, but I don't see many comments from actual only children here, so I wanted to chime in. True that the parent perspective matters, but it's a parent's job to set their children up for success when they're gone, not just think about their own needs while here. It's easy for people to say, for example, "Don't go to Costa Rica, it's too expensive and dangerous" when they've never even been versus someone who has actual lived experience and can say they go annually and have always had amazing experiences on a tight budget. All that said, I'm the reason several of my work colleagues have had second kiddos lol.

It's fun being an "only" when you're little because kids love being spoiled and getting attention, and the only thing you really have to worry about is playing if you come from a decent home. When you get older though, it isn't fun. Read the only child board on Reddit for more insight, but socialization is stunted, and even if you have close cousins and friends, it's different than having a sibling in your same home. And when parents get old and you have to make every decision essentially alone, especially if you don't have a supportive partner, it's so incredibly stressful. Please consider giving your baby a built-in bestie. I know many siblings don't get along, but what I've observed is that many of those conflicts stem from the parents not intentionally building that bond even before baby #2 was born (ie, making baby #1 feel excited about being a big, letting them know they'd always be special, and including them abut also making sure to up times to balance the focus instead of pouring it all on the new kid on the block). What turns into jealousy, competition, and distance could have been a close relationship. Many adults don't have those relationship-building skills in their own partnerships, though. As for fear of the kid being developmentally challenged, a lot of that is able to be flagged early on, and life can't be based on fear; it should be on love. I used to work in adoptions, and it was heartbreaking to see how many people didn't want kids but had them and abused them, so I do commend you for being thoughtful before making this decision.

The "terrible two's" are a thing, but it gets easier once they get past those toddler years. However, if you're at the age where fertility is an issue, please consider trying for a sibling sooner than later.

~Signed an only child still upset about it lol