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Very normal at the larger, more “prestigious” big NYC firms (on the bad teams there). The good news is everyone quits or is fired in 3-5 years. There’s some statistical outliers, but more 90% of these lawyers leave for better jobs. This is why.
I mean, look. She has a role in this, too. Have you told her that her relationship with work makes you uncomfortable? Kicking off that conversation is a bit necessary.
I don’t think everyone is like this, but because of her seniority she does not have as much control yet. It will get better in a few years, before it gets worse again. Perhaps she also feels she’s still on a steep learning curve or has to compensate for something else, or it could be her personality that she likes picking up a lot of work, or it could be the firm, practice group,…
OP: midlevel is the worst time because she probably needs to start managing down (juniors), she needs to keep managing up (seniors, counsel, partners), and also still do a lot of work herself. A lot of people crack and leave biglaw at this specific stage because they try to take everything on themselves, rather than learn to say no or how to delegate appropriately. There is no management training in biglaw either so if she’s never managed people before, she probably has no idea how to juggle the management aspects of her work effectively while doing her own tasks
Some of the V10 firms are like that, and some practice groups (M&A, bankruptcy, specialist groups like tax and EBEC) are worse than others. If we go down the rank a bit (say below V30 or so) it could be better in a sense that one would not always be busy like this (but will still have periods like this every year). What practice group is she in? Is she willing to move down the band a little? Your concern about the relationship is legit so I would suggest that you two have ongoing discussions about this.
Starting out in a boutique firm downtown, I left my house at 6am to make an 8am morning meeting - and typically worked until 9/10pm trying to catch one of the last regular trains out of Penn. More than a few nights I slept in the office. One time I left at 6pm and got my assignment covered to go to a show with my fiancé, I was nearly fired. This was a bit before WFH so there wasn’t a huge expectation that I work after I left the office. For this I was paid $50,000. Now I hire big law as in-house counsel. I’m always on. I try not to bother people, but I’ve definitely had lawyers have to buy sat internet on vacation to take a call or work on something. Definitely talked to associates who were clearly at dinner or trying to go out (music in background, maybe a little 🍸). Definitely sending and receiving emails at 1am. That said, just did a deal and everyone was basically unreachable by 9pm, and it was a time-critical mess. The conditions for the first couple years are inhuman.
Unfortunately, this is the norm for big law.
Not for everyone but it was for me.
Probably true of many at her level at her big 3 law firm. We all make choices that come with consequences. Also, some attorneys are better than others at prioritizing when something is "good enough" in lieu of thinking everything needs to be perfect.
Chief
Totally depends on the practice group.
What is her role? Is she senior?
I work in Structured Finance, she shouldn’t be working those hours lol. Lmk if she wants a switch.
Unfortunately it’s true.
But with the income, I believe you could plan FIRE much sooner than most of the people.
Not like this for everyone, but it can be for some folks at some firms in some practice groups. Not an outlier.
It's not an uncommon schedule, especially if she has a rotating door of active deals and she's in finance/M&A or Lit. Other practice areas don't work quite like this. But, yes, when I was an associate, I told everyone I didn't have a 9-5, I had a midnight to midnight. It's only slightly better as a Partner (at least as a woman), in that I have a little more control over my schedule, but the work is the work. And it has to get done. And there are only so many hours in the day.
It oftimes depends upon the position and the practice area. Working 15 hrs. a day isn't going to do her and/or anybody else any favors if she suffers an unexpected medical event, i.e., stroke, heart attack, etc. due to the constant pressures being placed upon her shoulders. So Not Good!
Is she remote?