Related Posts
Any good dad jokes?
More Posts
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
Sign Up to see all discussions
- Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
- Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
- Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
"" is an unusual email domain. If correct, please proceed to the next step
Messaging rates may apply
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Share
Embed this post
Copy and paste embed code on your site
Preview
Download the
Fishbowl app
Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile
Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl
Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl
Messaging rates may apply
Newsflash - that’s parenting.
The only thing I’d say is stop with the cosleeping. It’s CRITICAL you train the kids to sleep alone, even if it’s going to be brutal for the first couple of weeks of doing it.
You are creating a major rod for your own backs by allowing that.
Reality is your priorities have changed now - and yes kiss goodbye to your old hobbies for a few years. 2 under 5 is a lot of work but make kids part of your hobbies - find ways to do recreational activities that involve them. The kids should be your focus so you are doing the right thing
Yep totally agree. It’s not sustainable - no way I’d still be sane if we did that for any length of time
Make friends with their friends’ parents at school or extra-curricular activities. Organize play dates where they can play and you can socialize. Then invest in building those friendships.
Also accept that this is somewhat inevitable at this life stage and naturally improves as your kids age (mine are 7 and 5, it’s much better). Make time to enjoy simple pleasures like Netflix, takeout dinner, a crossword together etc where you can - everyone should have time for such things at some point in the week, even if only Sat night, nap time, etc.
I think you kind of have to push through this. You are great parents and are putting your family first. That’s life. People that make their whole life about themselves are scumbags IMO.
Pro
I can't really add to more than what the other dad's already posted here, but I will say it does get better.
I will say maybe take it easier on the weekends. Not every one has to be a museum or controlled play. Sometimes you just need to plop them down with a pile of toys and let them go for a few hours. Or better yet, introduce them to things you love me to do. I love being outdoors, so I started taking the kids on hikes in the park, or I let them help me plant flowers in the garden and clean up the yard. Kids love to pick up branches and leaves and make piles out of them.
Yes! We did like 5 big activities during spring break staycation and the best time was actually walking in the woods and finding a giant stick and looking at bugs under rocks… not the museum or the waterpark.
Yup - welcome to the life of parenting and high demand careers! We are in the same position (5 and 1). Here’s what we do.
1) Plan date nights well in advance. This requires having a a couple solid babysitters in your contact.
2) Get the kids to bed and have quiet time for you two. Wine, talking, etc. while the kids sleep.
3) Get those kids out of your bed. Transition them now. It will only get harder as they get older. I had a girlfriend in college. Her parents let their youngest sleep in bed with them until he was ~8 years old. Took a toll on their marriage that almost could not be repaired. Don’t let it get to that point.
I’m going through the same thing. I’ve got a 5,3, and 1 yr old. The house is never as clean as I would like it. It feels like from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed it’s constantly a rush. The only “slow” time is work when I have the house to myself. I don’t really have any advice for you (except what has been stated about co-sleeping). You’ll get through it, it’s just gonna suck. I try to find an hour for myself 3x a week to workout. Maybe that will help.
Join r/daddit. It’s very supportive and you’ll get more sympathetic advice normally.
Electric skateboard, wake up at 5am and go skating by the water
I think the point of this is to wake up early to get your me time in
1) stop the co-sleeping. No one is rested with this arrangement
2) start with one day a week for a hobby. E.g., I take Monday evenings for tennis and wife takes Wednesday for her hobby. The other one manages the kids.
3) your kids friends parents will become your friends
3 and 6 month old here…
I know what you mean by struggling. The early years of parenting are a big test of the relationship. You can make it work for everyone but it's not the same as married without kids. The moments are shorter and different. You're a few years away to the more independent years, which will still not be like pre-kids but at least you'll have more reprieves.
So much advice against the co-sleeping here but you do you. Dad to 3yo and 9mo, we’ve co-slept and had no issues transitioning into their own beds. Sometimes still end up in our bed because that’s actually giving all of us a better nights sleep. You don’t “train” kids to sleep and you’re not resigning yourself to 10 years of it.
The other advice though, I do agree with. You have to push through it a little and accept that you just don’t have the same time to call you’re own as you once did. We’ve made friends with parents of kids at nursery etc and just carve out a different social life these days. More days out than nights out but that time will come again. I do think it’s important for you and your wife to get your own time though. I try and get a round of golf in a couple of times a month and that gives me some downtime and a few hours with adults.
It’s tough! But you got this! Lots of other advice I can echo, but also in the same position with two busy spouses and yeah this is our life also. Making each other a priority (where you can) pays dividends
Hang in there. I have 4 and just getting by. Try to appreciate as much as you can. And try to make time for each other and occasional dates if possible, although I think we went on a 2 year stretch without one.
It will get better and easier. But accept your new lifestyle and don’t try to keep up with childless friends still partying in the city or reminisce too much about it.
Thank you OP for posting. Been dealing with this as well and appreciate the advice here and words of encouragement.
From newborn to age 8, it was all about the kid! After that, I was able to get my own hobbies and have time to do them without feeling like I'm neglecting the family bc the kid would be at long playdates or her activities or what not. I say suck it up but maybe you can find a balance sooner than me. Take turns with the spouse?
I supported my wife in starting and mastering a solo hobby (running). She was the one always with the kids and I was the one working, so she needed the breaks and independence. That meant I never had my own alone time (except for at the office when I put headphones on) but I dealt with it. Eventually I got a drone and could go outside and fly it for half hour sessions. Parenting is rough. It helps when everyone finds their groove and thinks of family time as their leisure time.