Senior associate in big law. For the longest time, I struggled with imposter syndrome, wondering if I had the chops to cut it at my firm. Work has been so incredibly busy and stressful that I finally came to a realization. It’s not that I CAN’T cut it — it’s that I don’t WANT to. I am so sick and tired of spending every single hour of my life stressed, working every weekend, not spending time with my husband, throwing up every day because of my anxiety, and crying about my self worth.

likesmart
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Plot twist: it’s not about having the chops to cut it at your firm. There is not a specific or set number of hours, cases or clients you need to reach. It’s just infinite and the partners / the firm will suck you dry until you say stop or gtfo

likeuplifting

How have you survived this long? How has your marriage survived? Throwing up every day is not a sign? Take a leave of absence and get into therapy and figure out why you have let this happen (that is, why you have chosen this) and how to determine and achieve your goals.

like

P1: is a LOA a real option? I really need it for the same reason as OP

Recent IconRecent

Seriously if you don’t absolutely love the work or absolutely need the money, this shit is not worth it

like

This is why I’ll always advocate for paying off your school debt (if any) ASAP. Gives you flexibility to say no and not care about the repercussions. Do the kind of work you want in an amount you feel comfortable with. If that amount is below your billable target, just go to a part-time schedule. Don’t play the games. Don’t shmooze. Just do good work and put yourself and your family first. Let the dominos fall where they may at that point.

likehelpful

You’ll be able to pay your mortgage and car payments with a non big law job

like

I felt the same years ago and realized that most of my most brilliant and accomplished class mates in law school (some of the ones everyone was certain would make partner because they had the looks, smarts and social skills) were also the first to leave. Then my therapist made me realize that it’s not that people can’t do the job, it’s they no longer want to.

like

Honestly you need to set some boundaries. No one I know in big law works every single weekend, that sounds like hell. If your firm doesn’t let you set those boundaries or say no to work, long term would recommend going on a part time / counsel schedule. It allows you to say no to work and if you do bill more than the required hours some firms pro rate salary to hours you worked.

like

I don't think that matters. Even the non partnership track counsel seem expected to bill around 2200-2400

I could have written this!

likesmart

Me too

Most of the people I know who made partner
are the people that nobody liked in law school. The field might implode in a couple of years when those people get deequitized and the boomer partners retire. People who can’t make friends don’t have clients.

likefunny

You. Are. Not. Alone. I feel the same way and have for way too long. Now it's trying to figure out what to do about that realization!

like

Leave. That’s the only answer and if you can’t leave right away plan the exit.

like

I used to - and sometimes still do - stress about not matching up to my peers, not being the top pick etc. But then I remind myself that stellar work is rewarded with more work and the way to stay in the longer term (no intention to make partner) is to be amongst the average associate

like

The partners billing the crazy hours love the grind and don’t feel the way OP feels. This is a tough profession and we need to go where we are happy and enjoy the grind because it’s never going to be easy making money doing this. Sticking it out somewhere where you’re unhappy is one of the worst things you could do, unless you put a timer on it and plan your exit

like

Definitely take it easier. You may be putting more pressure on yourself than warranted, but then again that may be by design.

like

I got to big law after starting small and realized there was a ton of red tape and bureaucratic B.S. So I left after 5 years. I still get recruited but its not worth it. There are any number of boutique start-ups handling everything from M&A, commercial litigation, real estate, insurance litigation, banking...the list goes on and on. There should be something out there for you. And I would reiterate one of the other comments I saw below about clients. If you don't/can't develop clients, you'll always be a worker bee, even if you're a partner. If you enjoy what you do at a place, you're more likely to be able to develop business, which will only benefit you in the long run. Best of luck.

like

Agreeing with the above. Don't force yourself to overachieve, especially if you don't enjoy the job. Try to shift to thinking about it as a 40-hour obligation (or whatever number you're comfortable with) and don't let it take over the rest of your life. I'd also look at other practices or career paths - could you go in-house, or into a JD-adjacent position?

like

I’m where you are now, you’re not alone - strategizing now for a way for this to not keep happening. I haven’t wanted this either for a long time, and am the main breadwinner, so can’t give it up just yet. Speak with your husband, a therapist about how to cut back on work in the meantime, and importantly, find out what it is you’d rather be doing with your life and figure out how to get there - wishing you all the best 🙏

like

Hang in there, OP! I’ve gone thru these stress cycles too (sans puking - I just don’t eat when I’m that busy/stressed!) and they can be tough. I’m also a BL mid/sr in a lg market, and my field isn’t M&A bad (which seems to be the most notoriously busy) but it has crazy peak periods for sure. I’ve pulled back to back all nighters on a few occasions over past few years, I work 14+ hour days often and worked almost every weekend for 16 months during Covid. I really love my field, colleagues and clients, so that has made the challenges manageable and my job worthwhile. For me it wasn’t an issue of “can I do it and/or do I want to?” - it was more so “why is everyone so pissy and when do I get to sleep and go for a run?”

Setting boundaries - when you can - is the best you can do during busy periods. When you can’t, sometimes you have to grind it out and just work toward the light at the end of the tunnel (easier said than done when the work doesn’t stop, I know). And when you can’t find motivation, you need to figure out how and where to find fulfillment as an attorney (if that’s possible). Some folks are happier going in-house if it’s the firm culture that’s the problem. Others pivot to another practice area. It can take a while to find the answer but if you’re a BL senior associate, you obviously have the chops to make it - you may just need a change of scenery.

Best of luck to you and don’t give up!

like

You were made for better things than this. I know the pressures that conflate your self worth with your career, and specifically a career practicing at the highest level, but as someone who has been in this world for a long time, with rare exceptions, nothing you achieve at a law firm will bring you the joy and meaning to your life that you are seeking.

It may require a change of living standard, but you will be happier living with "less" when you have more with your family.

like

I founded a boutique firm that handles significant litigation and trials. We pay associates close to what BigLaw pays. We never expect weekend work unless we are in or about to start a trial. There’s no mistreating of associates and the office is collegial. OP should look at local boutiques. Almost all of our hires are from BigLaw because they have the academic credentials we want and most have learned to write decently. They consider themselves escapees.

like

Throwing up everyday is terrible for your health. Stop it now. Take disability leave immediately.

like

Jeez. I’m sorry to hear this. There are ups and downs but it shouldn’t be consistently terrible. Hope you get some help and hope you find a better work environment. Throwing up from anxiety and crying every day is rough are not normal.

like

You go Glenn coco

like

Related Posts

Anyone else feel like work/billable hours gets in their way of taking care of their life? Hate having to choose between working to keep up with billables and taking care of my life whether that's the gym or whatever else. Feel like I never have enough time for both.

like

My anxiety is through the roof for the 2024 USA presidential election. I’m so scared that DeSantis or Trump will win and we will lose all rights as transgender people. Someone please comfort me.

like

What does work-life balance look like in the Corporate Strategy group? Average hours / week, weekend work?

like

Any business analyst here working in wipro for a europe client ?hows the wlb and job security for band b3 and salary for your YOE?

like

Hi,

Just started a new job less than a month ago in the tech sector. It was the industry I was fixated on when leaving for. However I realise that I don't think I can cope with the fast paced, lack of wlb, with no support - it's really impacting my mental health already....

I try to hide it from my boyfriend, but its impact is flowing into my personal life.
I feel like a failure, but recognise it might be beneficial to cut loss and quit. Has anyone been in this situation?

Any advice?

like

27 y/o manager and having what feels like a quarter life crisis. The consulting grind feels unsustainable for me long term, but I don’t know what else I would even want to do. Problem is that I have a great WLB (probably actually working <30 hours/week) and making decent money - feels like it would be silly to leave, but the monotony of dealing with idiots on a daily basis is taking a mental toll. Anyone else?

like

Too much noise out there - can someone confirm or deny whether the US Government funded gain of function research related to Covid?

likehelpful

So today was my first day on a stimulant (diagnosed as an adult), and everyone says its suppose to feel like *boom* magic, or normal (?) , I guess. Knowing that is figurative, what should I actually be expecting? I feel mostly the same, I think, though I came in and actually did started my work today. But I mean, somedays I do that...I just don't want to psyche myself out if I'm expecting too much. Or pscyhe myself in if I actually might not be experiencing what I should.

like

At what point do you draw the line on WLB? Working insane hours on a long/term project with what feels like no end in sight. It’s not sustainable but clearly expected. Could you get fired for drawing lines in the sand and saying (example) “come 8:30 every night I’m logging off”. That’s a 65 hour work week as-is but I currently am up until midnight working consistently. For context I’ve been rated as a strong performer consistently and am not new to the job so it’s not a lack of understanding.

like

Are the tumi masks worth the extra cost? How's the elastic band feel around your ear? I have an off brand now and it sits weird on my jaw bone.

likefunny

Anyone know of a good massage therapist that is not terribly expensive? The one I go to went out of business and I'm desperate

TIA 😊

like

What happens at the 8 weeks doctor appointment? Is it worth bringing the hubs?

like

My manager feeds me 100 chole bhature & then my tummy hurts so I ask her to give me a leave but then she declines my request and feeds me 1 more plate of chole bhature then I die because of excess gas formation inside my stomach, then I poop & become alive once again then my boss notices that im alive again and feeds me 109 plates of kadi chawal and this goes on and on and on and on

like

I work at a medical device manufacturing plant as a training coordinator, I have a military background and a degree and am trying to advance but am feeling stuck. I am a literal jack of all trades, and am trying to get out of the hourly life, I’m working an average of 100 hour weeks and have been for at least the last 6 months.

like

I think our pup has kennel cough :( waiting for the vet to call me back but until then - anyone have experience in this or have a way to make pup more comfortable? Huge, hacking coughs

like

Anybody struggle with imposter syndrome as a minority? How and why? Need some coping strategies man.

like

Hi All,

A suggestion required on the following companies. My personal details are YOE: 10+, Tech stack: React, Node, Express, Mongo, Jenkins, AWS(basics)

Offers in Hand:


Caterpillar Inc. : 37(32 Fixed)

@GE Healthcare : 44(38 Fixed)

How is work culture in Caterpillar & GE Healthcare?

Caterpillar: Don't know much about the project details, manager is friendly

GE Healthcare: Manager is like stretching work hours, weekend working etc.

Please help choose a company

like

I was recently (in April) fired from a good nursing position that I was at for 5 years. I reached out to my old ADON to get some information on where we had our vaccinations from and she told me that I should come back and the administrator that I had issues with is gone. Is this something I should even consider? I miss my patients and some of my coworkers and the pay is better, but I don't feel like I would really be welcome to come back.

like

Hows Deloitte India ? Work life balance and job security, time zones to work? 8.2 Yoe business analyst, data analytics space.pls suggest

like

More Posts

Does anyone work for Coursedog? If so, a referral would be much appreciated!

like

Big 4 Interview Process when coming from a boutique firm? YOE, 4

like

Hi All,

I’m looking for brands and interesting campaigns that communicate and showcase transparency, trust and openness.

Anyone know of anything interesting?

Thank you kindly.

like

#GenesisOne
Pre-Launch - Monday, November 5, 2018

Post Photo

Here’s my current top shelf collection. What do I need to get next? (I’m thinking Henry McKenna, EC SB/TB, Willet, EHT SB/BP)

Post Photo
like

I am working as a quality and performance analyst. Have got 6yr 10months experience. Looking for a job role as a team lead Or it service management. Have experience in both. Any leads will be appreciated.

like

Hi Fishes,

Does
Deloitte USI have any cool down period, if you apply and do not get any response from the company? I had previously applied in a role, but didn't hear back from them. So, I'm planning to try to apply via referral this time and I'm wondering if I should use the same e-mail ID or a different one! Deloitte USI

like

I have an offer with more fixed pay

And an offer from another org with stocks + ESOP + variable pay

Which one adds more value?

like

Is it a bad time to buy a condo in a big city on a conventional mortgage?

Had a great covid rent deal but rent is going back to normal. I want to stay in the location, live in said condo for 1 to 3 or 5 years then move to something bigger (further away from downtown) and rent the condo, eventually for passive income

like

Do people use umbrella in Boston?

Moving to Boston soon and wonder if people use umbrella or just windbreaker like most people in Seattle.

funnylike

Anyone subletting this summer?

Does anyone else have a constant nagging feeling something bad is going to happen?

like

A reminder to all: we are going through very difficult times. Please help someone who has gotten laid off if you can!

like

Any pgs, flats nearby opentext bangalore office??(near intermediate ring road)

like

Welcome to Google Cloud Platform discussions. Feel free to post anything related to GCP. Let's help eachother. Thank you.

like

Can anyone say the hike percentage and bonus for TC at PwC AC for Associate 2 level?

like

My anxiety is through the roof I’ve never wanted a job so bad before that I’ve interviewed for. I had an excellent interview with my potential manager. She said out of all the applicants I stood out the most and she loved my resume/conversation , They are moving to meet the team on Wednesday. I just can’t stop thinking about and so worried they are interviewing a lot of people. Helpppp me calm down lol this is torture , honestly

like

Can anyone explain why agencies seem to favor hiring a ton of freelance people over full time creatives? I can’t imagine it’s cheaper than paying someone a salary.

like

Admitted to Sloan and deferred HKS MPP. Is this dual MBA/MPP worth it? I’d like to keep options open in the long term for leadership roles at places like World Bank, UNDP, IMF, etc.

like

Additional Posts in Law

Confused why Wachtell qualifies as BigLaw when they have one (small) office

like

Anyone else feel like work/billable hours gets in their way of taking care of their life? Hate having to choose between working to keep up with billables and taking care of my life whether that's the gym or whatever else. Feel like I never have enough time for both.

like

I’ve been out of work for a significant amount of time due to Covid decimating my industry. I’ve gone on many interviews and had a few final rounds. I finally received an offer today. The pay is more than I’ve ever made & team seems great. I just can’t help but feel a little disappointed bc it’s not the industry I was in before which was the whole reason I went to law school to begin with. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, right? Anyone experience a similar situation? Happy you pivoted?

like

Does anyone’s practice seem to ebb and flow based on seasons or time of year? If so, what practice area and when are you busiest/slowest?

likehelpful

Didn't realize until I got home for the holidays, but apparently the "war on christmas" is still a thing

likehelpful

Recently hired Patent Agent and wanted to know if I am being fairly compensated and utilized. Training lasted a couple days where I immediately got assigned to draft +2 patent applications and +1 office action responses each week. Have no experience with 3D modeling programs so drawing diagrams and figures take a long time too. TOC < 80k and no annual bonus.

like

For those of you required to be in office- do people use the phone and email to contact you or do they still come by in person? People in my office seem not to understand how the phone works...

like

Hardest part of navigating maternity leave and WLB as a junior partner?

like

Firm announced flexible come and go as you see fit approach to coming back to office. Partner I work for said I need to be in office 4-5 days a week anyway. Thoughts?

likeuplifting

Noob plaintif-side L&E lawyer here—how long should I wait for defense counsel to stall on a demand letter before I start getting ready to file?

like

With the pandemic, how long should I wait before checking in with hiring on status of my candidacy? Is checking in 2 weeks post callback too early?

like

At your firm, absent extenuating circumstances, where is the line drawn between “paralegal work” and “attorney work”? For example, who would draft a standard form motion for extension of time?

like

Does anyone have any insight as to the salary for PWC Office of General Counsel attorneys?

like

Is there any logic in expecting lawyers to be glued to their seats when there are no deals/matters on? I don’t understand why law firms haven’t adopted the consulting model...

likehelpful

Any insight into Barnes and Thornburg, especially in Minneapolis? Culture? Hours requirement? Comp???

like

I’m my partners only associate and I went on parental leave two weeks ago. I feel horrible for leaving him to handle our cases alone, but am trying to focus on my wife and new baby. That being said, should I still offer to handle minor matters that come in to ease the workload off my boss? He’s been super cool during my entire leave, so I don’t feel pressured to one bit.

like

Favorite non-fiction book you'd recommend to a new lawyer?

like

Does anyone know what the day-to-day of a New York Assistant Attorney General is like? Is it fulfilling? Stressful? How is the work-life balance?

like

Has anyone else been feeling this way?

Post Photo
likefunny

Anyone know of a resource to locate the history of comments to a section of the restatement, something akin to legislative history for a statute?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal