So, I know, there are times that I cannot hold a poker face. I casually mentioned this to my boss (male) who now has told me he will coach me, and that he feels I should “fix my face” in a couple of meetings. I feel a bit insulted that he is extremely focused on this as I feel he wouldn’t have it I had not brought it up previously. Last week, I asked for feedback from a separate group of stakeholders who actually said my poker face was strong. What should I do?

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Point being, men seldom get told to “fix their face”.

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I don't have a poker face either. I don't think it's something that you can "coach". I try to be more aware of how I react, and that's about all I can do. Personally, I think your boss is crossing a boundary.

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Thank you for that.

Same problem, more botox, less eyebrow movement, it helps.

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As much as I’d want to just tell him “um, you’re making me feel pretty weird about my face,” it may be more helpful to you to just press for some details about what he means when he says that: what about your behavior is conveying thoughts or attitudes that aren’t what you intend? Best case you’ll get some actual feedback about things you can change; worst case he’ll realize how strange and uncomfortable it is to be literally analyzing someone’s facial expressions and telling them to “fix” them.

Yeah, I really think a “poker face” is more of a metaphor that ought to encompass everything you communicate contextually and not just literally your facial expression. And it can be particularly fraught because there are innumerable cultural factors that influence what signals we may give off non verbally as well as how they’ll be perceived by others. IMO the solution is not to freeze your facial expressions when listening, but to get comfortable flexing and controlling all of the different ways you communicate so that can be received in the way you want to.

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