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Received an offer as Engagement Director from Salesforce (CSG, pre sales, L9). Great benefits package, 40% increase in total comp and better WLB.
I do love the people in my practice and current client, but career trajectory has stalled after taking parental leave earlier this year and (yet another) change in leadership.
Realistically, making to Director is 2-3 years away and will require sacrificing time with my family that I am not prepared to give up.
Should I stay or should I go?
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I’ve had body image issues over the years and had a 6 pack when I turned 30 and got pregnant shortly after - I’ll take my stretch marks with rolls and my child over the hot body peak any day. Nothing compares to the love 🥰
I was sure I didn't want a kid - I loved my life too much. I had lots of money and travelled the world with the body I loved (I had a six pack and climbed at incredible places). At 30 I met my husband. Life already changed, we slowed down, gained some weight together, started nesting. He persuaded me to get pregnant. I won't lie, I absolutely hated the newborn era and thought to myself what a mistake I made. But since we are out of that stage, it's just wonderful. I love showing the kid the world and experience it through her eyes. You can still have time with your partner, just differently. And with the right partner you can still have time with friends and hobbies and the career progress you may be after. I'm fact I think it's a lot about the right person on the journey with you. We decided to only have one kid.
I saw becoming a mother as a part of a higher calling - the highest calling - in my life.
What is your life's purpose? When you think about the legacy you hope to leave, what do you imagine that would be?
If you start aligning your choices today to the legacy you hope to leave... and base that legacy on what you consider to be your life's ultimate purpose (a personal mission statement, in a way)... I imagine the choice will become clearer
Best wishes and good luck, whatever you decide!
I had my first at 37 and I honestly can say you’re never “ready”
I worked allllll the extra time and loved it, but after kids your mindset shifts a bit and you just realize you have to make the most of the 8 hours you can put in when they’re little. Kids changed what was important to me and that’s ok!!!
I CHOOSE now to work after they go to bed if I need to and I make it work. I have two little kids and an executive role post two babies- that I landed while momming two under 6.
I make it work and it works. It’s what you prioritize for yourself! You can have it all, if you want it!
40 and still afraid of the same. Some times you just have to do it and engrave the journey
lol meant enjoy
35 and I’ve been scared about the same shit OP for the last 10 years. I’m getting closer to the end of the fertility window, so let me impart some of my short term and faulty wisdom.
Now, I work and stay at home so much that the activities I do in my free time (going out, wearing cute clothes, being wild and free, random travel) have just diminished. Lockdown and getting older changed my preferences and habits. Also, one-third of my friends have newborns and toddlers now so the “wondering” about motherhood lifestyle is now “witnessing”. I love my friends and when I visit them I hold their baby so they can grab coffee, or I talk to them for hours on end because they haven’t spoken to another adult in days. The babies are cute, the lifestyle is scary.
If you think being childless means you’re gonna stay hot and party like it’s your 20s you’re wrong—that can become work too. The 30s are different kids or not. Work is extremely demanding, your friends are tired all the time and they’ve all moved to the burbs, and the quality of how you spend you free time is extremely important. Even without kids I find myself out of control with my time. A shitty boss, aging parents that need help at a moments notice, a dog with diarrhea at 3am.
The only thing that you should ask yourself is, do you want a child because their existence will improve the quality / meaning / purpose in your (and your partner’s) life? And if so, are you ready for the responsibility to do your best/what’s right by them? How you answer is what * I think* makes someone love/hate the decision to become a parent.
Personally, I have decided that I am not becoming a parent because of time is “running out.” My partner and I have a mutual understanding that if things feel right and we’re ready, we’ll go for it. Biological or adoption, as long as we’re ready.
Kids aren’t for everybody and that’s okay if they aren’t for you. Kids are sacrifice and everything changes after them —- your body changes and may come back the same or better, but for a lot of women it also doesn’t. I gained 50+lbs both pregnancies and lost all the weight (and more) both times within a year but my body is still not “the same” as it was pre-pregnancy. Eventually, you get to a place where you don’t care or care about different aspects of it. I now desire to be more toned, than I desire to be stick thin for example.
Besides the physical, how I work is also different and my marriage with my husband is also very different than when it was just us. How we travel, plan weekends, decide dinner plans, etc. —- everything is different. You will lose most of your old ways of thinking and doing things, but on the other side of that, new ways of being and operating grow in their place as you make room in your life for more. And those can be very beautiful and are rewarding for the many parents out there who wouldn’t choose to have it reverse and go back to how it was. But, don’t have kids just because you think you need to or are trying to beat a clock. Have them because you want them and are fully ready to take on all that comes with it. Fear is also a very common and consistent passenger throughout the journey. My kids are 5 and 2 and there’s not a week that goes by that I’m not fearful of some new thing I haven’t faced yet. That doesn’t make you not ready, it makes you human.
You will always have fears, and yes, being a mom definitely is a lot of “work.” But once you get pregnant, if that happens, I promise you’ll figure it out. Especially if you have a supportive partner. With good communication and dedication, it could bring you closer.
Work will always take as much time as we give it. Quite honestly, I think I’m a bit of a workaholic. I’m also a single mom of three (now teens).
My body is a little different than before I was pregnant, but not that much.
What you’re feeling is natural
46yo mom of teens here. I had my first at 29
I definitely lost time and progress at work but not everyone does. I’m still very successful and I’d take the kids any day over a little more responsibility or $$. Time with my husband is actually better with the kids. We get enough alone time but we have a lot of fun with our kids. We are now where we are dreading them being gone away to college. Body-wise, I was lucky and bounced back pretty quickly after both kids, but perimenopause is messing everything up now anyway despite all my hard work.
You’ll know if you’re ready - my desire for kids overtook all those fears and I have no regrets!
I worked with my husband in our business. I had my first child at 31 stopped working then had 3 more. My husband and I were truly partners. Once my youngest the twins were in school i went back to work. It was a great life, and you learn to balance. My husband died at 62 leaving me a young widow of 59. My two oldest children worked with us in our business oldest four years younger one year. I was heartbroken. My children and employees were the rocks that kept me going. I never re-married, my sons work with me every day. We have a successful business financially and a sense of Fullment. Find an occupation you love. Something that makes you want to go to work. Have children without fear. They are hard and challenging but so rewarding. I have no regrets.