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Subject Expert
The biggest issue is you are not on the same page.
You talk and act as if your money is separate. Quite reasonably, you don’t want that.
Try to get on the same page, perhaps counseling, perhaps start with a conversation about your hopes and dreams of your shared future together, and see if you can start working together.
His stock gambling habit sounds concerning, but the bigger issue seems you are acting separately with no clear goals for the future.
Yeah i guess I struggle with the implications
Perhaps you could also frame the discussion in a "you've already won the game stop playing" manner. If you have $100k and are young then risking it all can make sense, and it worked for him. If you lose everything you can probably work your way back in no time. If you have millions, you don't have to take the same risks. Set aside $2m (or whatever is appropriate for your lifestyle and expectations) in an index fund for a decade and it will probably at least double and safely provide a lifetime of income that would be sufficient for 99% of families.
You/he could still take more aggressive or "gut feeling" positions with the excess. That said, as much fun as it is to hit on a winner it is draining to lose and even if you "beat the market" it still might not have been worth the investment of your time and energy (and stress, impact on relationships, etc).
As a FA, I once told a few of my "traders" this:
" I am NOT gambling with your IRA/tax deferred account. Maybe set aside a small amount to "play" in a retail account so in the worst case scenerio, you'll get a tax write off.
"If you want to gamble, I'm pushing you $500-1000 from the account, and you go this weekend and get it out of your system at the local casino"........
Sounds like he has a gambling addiction and that needs to be treated
Makes sense
Trying to predict what the squiggly lines do hasn’t worked for decades. Even top traders in the 80s and 90s had to stop trading from their phones and go into the pits when times got rough. Add in slippage, trading fees, and taxes good luck. Even professional gamblers negotiate the edges with casinos.
That is true
Therapy.
Haha
I am just getting more and more frustrated every year and he is too because he is always wrong on his trades... I don't know what to tell him anymore. We have one child (just for info)
Indeed. Thanks.
Is there room to set aside a significant amount each year in retirement accounts that would "force" at least that portion to be in diversified mutual funds? Over the rest of your working years that alone might grow into enough to retire on its own regardless of how your taxable brokerages perform. If I had that much extra income to invest in taxable brokerage I'd certainly be maxing out all available retirement accounts (including self employed options), HSA, and 529s.
Also, he is not sitting on 2.5M of cash. The actual returns have come from investing not trading but you still need trading to pay your bills and increase wealth just like we all do at work. I would say his beta is now way closer to 1 than it was 5 years ago or so, I don't see him losing his money but my frustration comes from knowing he had done nothing his portfolio should be in like 5M not half of that
Subject Expert
You need to do some serious work on both financial planning (separate from investing) and on your marriage.
If you had a solid financial plan that you believed in, and were aligned together on achieving that plan by working together, then it would be obvious why an investing strategy that can either 10x your money in three years or underperform the market by 20% a year for three years is not going to be suitable, let alone optimal, for such gigantic amounts of money.
Yeah, I don't think we have a plan now that i think about it. Like we will and beneficiaries and all the stuff but we have never discussed retirement nor anything of that sort. I believe his goal is more like passive income based on dividends (I know many people have a contrarian view here) so once he gets there he will feel more comfortable.
Are you in the market to teach a fellow sis how to trade?
You will lose it all. Invest for the long term in companies you like
Maybe frame it to what other valuable (money or health or family) things he could be doing with his time, if he stopped day trading so much? A reframe on what you truly agree is important in life, could change the conversation.
Thanks SVP, GD1! We are trying that now. I am hoping he gets that there are so many other great things out there
How has he lost money if the 2.5M total has not changed in 3 years?
Thx, appreciate the info.
What is his investing strategy (if he hasn’t performed well in the last few years) and how is he investing? On the flip side, diversification works here. I do better than my wife in investing, because I am very aggressive. I would never want us both in lock steps. That could be bad if we both take a hit in down turn.
This sounds less like a money problem and more like an alignment problem. At $4M and only 37, you have already built an incredible foundation, but FIRE gets much harder when one spouse is investing from a place of fear instead of discipline. I would focus less on whether he is bullish or bearish and more on agreeing to a shared strategy for the portion of your assets meant to support your long-term life, not short-term opinions. There may be room for him to actively trade with a small defined bucket, but your core wealth should probably be protected by a plan you both trust.