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I’d say to the coworker that they said something that was offensive to you and give them the benefit of doubt and say, you may not know that this would be offensive to me, but when you said this…. It didn’t sit well with me. Since this wasn’t at work, I’d start with the person. On another point you made, If you experienced retaliation in the past, that’s a problem with the culture and it should not happen. There are laws against retaliation for reporting something against policies etc. sorry that happened to you.
Tell whoever you want.Just don't tell your manager or HR.They'll get pissed for having to do their job and you will be fired