Am I being soft? I’m currently in a massive fight with my partner because I turned down an out-of-state VP offer that would have cleared our entire mortgage. The new role was offering a $290k base, but during the final interview, the MD said they expect people in the office six days a week during active deal cycles. I value my weekends, my sanity, and the fact that I can actually go for a bike ride after work in my current city. My partner thinks I’m being selfish by prioritizing my daily comfort over our long-term financial freedom.

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Nah. There are other currencies besides money. Time and health are valuable.

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That doesn’t sound like a “partner” to me.

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For the "Are you being soft" portion, I feel like there is info missing.
* What good is clearing the mortgage if you need to move? Or are you talking about living out of a hotel during the week? Daily travel?
* If you are in 6 days a week during deal cycles, do you get to go just 4 days during non-deal cycles?
* How big of a jump is the $290k?
* Are you in a HCL area?
As for your partner, that is not a partner's role or attitude. It sounds like they expect you to take care of them. Would they take the role and give up their life to pay for yours? How about they take a second job on the weekends to earn more, or take on a lot of overtime?
They sound selfish and entitled.

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I’m not losing my whole week for $290k. $2.9 million… I’d think about that.
Does your partner not realize that would require you to move?

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Can your partner pick up some extra hours to make it six days a week during busy cycles and get a better parking job? Seems only fair since they think it’s a great idea for you (two)

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This is coercive manipulation and financial abuse not a relationship. Your “partner” is telling you they will traffic your health and wellbeing to the highest bidder for their financial gain. Dump and run.

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I turned down $316k from AWS (coming from $220) for that same reason. Additionally, there was travel that wasn’t brought up in earlier conversations even though I asked. Difference is that my wife was supportive. Full disclosure. My wife is a partner in her firm so that $100k wasn’t worth losing my flexibility.

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Where do you live and where’s the offer?

Also OP - what do you currently make?

Yes

If your partner working then tbh, I’d consider what they are saying. If they are not, they should get a job. Only exception is if they are raising kids, then they should consider a part time job.

More money means more problems. Always. So perhaps considering how to cope with the 6 days. If you’re not ready to do that, it’s best to not go. But you should consider how to properly cope through that.

Also, I’m not being mean to you, I understand. I’ve turned down big things like that and it was a very difficult convo with my partner. I eventually worked on the other underlying reasons why I couldn’t take it and I’m now on a track for a VP spot. I hope your partner sees that.

I’d say something else is going on. Why such a big reaction from her? Hit some kind of insecurity? I think you need to find out the reason behind the reason.

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