Anyone date someone who’s separated from their spouse but not yet divorced? How did you navigate the challenges?

I’m 6 months in and their lives are still so intertwined (joint properties, same friends, no kids), which has put a big strain on our relationship. We’re committed to each other and understand that these things take time, but I’m running out of patience.

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Are you sure they’re divorcing? Sorry, but in the absence of kids, it doesn’t take time. It’s pretty easy to solve and divorce soon if they want to

likesmart

SM1- depending on the state and both party’s desire to wrap things up, divorce with no kids can still take some time. A year or longer. (Speaking from experience)

OP- At least in NYC, you most def do not need to sell a property to file. The process has multiple steps and they can definitely start it and document their intentions with the property and any other assets they have. There can even be IOUs written up that states that at the time such and such happens, this is how it would be settled (e.g., kids college funds, etc).

If I were you, I would try to find out how much research they’ve done about divorce. Do they have lawyers? Separate bank accounts? Insurance (health and car)? These would give you some indication of how ready they are to move on.

helpfullikesmart

I broke up with him. This thread gave me a lot to think about and some good questions to ask him, for which he had the same old answers that I’m not satisfied with.

I do believe he and his ex are done. He’d spend 4-5 nights a week at my place and we were going all over town holding hands on date nights. But the fact that he wouldn’t bring me around his friends out of fear the ex will find out about me; saying that’ll sabotage the divorce (due to him moving on quickly) got to be too much for me, along with the fact that they still haven’t filed any paperwork.

He’s pushing for us to remain friends but I’m not sure if that’s the best idea. He was devastated and sobbing when I told him we’re done. Said he’ll treat this period as a break, will sort his shit out, and win me back if I’m still single then. I’m not holding onto any hope or expectation because that’ll just lead to disappointment. Despite how much I love this man, I need to start moving on.

likesmart

I had a friend. Similar dating someone just post split. Was sure they were actually getting divorced but he gave same reasons for not doing around friends. They were together but low profile all the time. Great trips. Terrific jewelry. (He had some decent wealth /they met st work). She was patient. As soon as his divorce was final he broke up with her started dating someone much younger and was married quickly. In retrospect he needed someone willing to play on his terms at the time…but he wasn’t committed to her per se.

Unless their spouse that they’re supposedly separated from has confirmed the situation, I would not entertain this at all.

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With no kids untangling should be simple if it’s really happening

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Have they actually file paper work to be separated or initiate the divorce? My understanding is if they were serious about the division of property and assets they would have filed for divorce to get that date as an official date/point in time for the division.

How long have they supposedly been separated? If it’s more than 12-18 months this isn’t going anywhere fast as I believe that’s the average time for a divorce.

Are they still living together? How did you two spend the holidays?

smart

Please wait until your ties are cut. This gives you healing time, and re-discovering yourself time. Get to know yourself. The biggest mistake people make is leaving one relationship for another. This complicates your life, and your children's lives. Don't forget about the children. Get them plenty of therapy, so they will have good relationships in the future. Please.

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Fully agree with you! No kids for either of us. But yeah I won’t be dating any time soon.

Just booked myself a 10 day solo trip to Italy in the spring and going on a weekend cruise with some friends next month.

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He’s not ready. Wait until that divorce is final!

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I’ve dealt with this situation, almost 3 years of waiting time. Ofcourse there are some challenges, but i have no doubt about our love and my man’s commitment to me. We recently got married. Every situation is different, and none of us can ever fully know yours - all i’ll say is trust your gut, and love like your heart can’t be broken.

Thanks for sharing. How long did you have to keep the relationship under wraps? That must’ve been difficult.

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