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Not a dad (expecting BigLaw mom) but please, for the love of god, take every single day you are entitled to under your firm’s policies. Do not work from home. Your firm will deal, and your partner (and women everywhere) will thank you.
Dad here. Take the time. ALL the time. Was the best time of my life, being cuddled up with the baby as much as possible and helping the wife.
Take every ounce of time you’re given. However if you are allowed to split, do half when she first gives birth and then second half when she needs to go back to work so you have alone time with baby
Yup this is what I did. 4 weeks at the beginning, went back to work for 8 weeks, then 14 weeks once my wife went back to work. I will say work was pretty tough with a one month old though.
Your wife isn’t just having a baby, YOU are having a baby. Cmon man do better.
I am in big law and a brand new dad currently on paternity leave. I am working part time but got off all major deals. The only thing I can tell you is that you need to take off real time. You can't be expected to answer emails within an hour and help your wife care for a brand new baby. Also, you will literally be in hospital for 2 to 3 days even if everything goes great. So there is literally no way to do your job in that environment. Having said that. I didn't give up my long term projects and I am working on them when I have down time.
Chief
Also figure out when you’re most useful being home with your SO. I always liked being in the hospital each day but I was much more helpful to her being home 4 weeks later when she needed sleep badly. Hopefully you can do both but if not figure out logistics early on.
Pro
Do it to be an ally to women. The more men that force the system to be more modern and focused on mental health, everyone will benefit.
Definitely take it all. I had my first kid in law school, so I couldn’t support my wife the way I would have liked. We had our second last year in August before the rescheduled October Bar Exam, so I obviously couldn’t take time off but was at least home this time around. I definitely developed a closer bond during that first year with our second child. We want one or two more kids, and I am definitely taking all the offered leave because my wife works way too hard for me not to give her full-time support next time around when I have that ability.
16 weeks paid leave for each child.
5th year at a V5. Had a kid last year and I took a week vacation around birth and then the full 10 weeks paid paternity leave after 6 months or so. Didn’t hurt my career one bit. I was told that splitting it (e.g. 2x 5 weeks) is a bit harder because of ramp down/up, but I wanted to take the full 10 weeks in one go anyway. I was lucky enough to have my and her parents around right after birth and I worked from home, so my wife had all the help she needed and the 10 weeks are way more fun when the little one is crawling around :) In sum, best 10 weeks of my career and I plan on taking the full 10 weeks again next year for baby #2. If it turns out that it would be a dealbreaker to take paternity leave twice, I would lateral. But I’m optimistic given recency bias and the current associate market.
Dad here. Took paternity leave from a top firm for all 3 kids. 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 4 weeks, ranging from junior to senior associate. Did virtually zero work during that time. You need to change your mindset about from it "not looking promising" to "there is no choice other than to take paternity leave". There is always a fire drill and there will always be more deals, but there will never be another time to take paternity leave with respect to that child.
Politely inform them that you will be taking the leave and ask how you can help to transition your matters. You can do so by phrasing it as "I'm planning to take leave from X to Y. Please let me know if you have any concerns". 99% of the time they will not have concerns, and if they do its usually that they want to be sure you transition your work. If you get any reaction other than the foregoing, consider switching firms as its a bad sign of culture overall.
Chief
I took 4 weeks per kid.
I think I took a week off when my first daughter was born. But I had a client calling me in the recovery room a few hours after she was born. 19 years later I still give that client a hard time.
A hard time with large bills and delayed responses I hope?!
Take every friggin moment you can. My daughter was born while I was at my previous job and they scoffed at me taking 2 weeks (a colleague’s wife also had a baby and he was back to work the day she came home from the hospital). I’m mad I didn’t take more time, but company policy didn’t allow for it and we didn’t yet have the financial flexibility to take that long. If we decide to try for another and are successful, I will take every moment of my new company’s month-long leave. Hopefully by then, they’ve further expanded it.
Trying, conceiving, delivering, and recovering are not easy. Take every moment you can, if for no other reason than to soak in the fruits of that labor. Your partner, your kid, and your mental and emotional health will appreciate it.
V10. 16 weeks.
Big Law Dad here - I was a junior transactional associate (second year) when I had my kid and I took 8 of the 10 weeks available to me, split into two chunks (4 weeks up front and four weeks when my wife went back to work on the back end). I’ve since switched firms but everyone at my previous firm was respectful of the time off, made accommodations for the matters I was staffed on and tried not to add me to new things in the week or so before I was expecting to be out (not to say some folks didn’t try, but I politely declined those opportunities). When I returned after my first four weeks off, I had a full plate again within my first week or so back.
7th year. Up for counsel with an eye to prep me for a run at partner. Took 12 weeks earlier this year. My team made a point not to bother me and actively cussed me out when I popped online to do admin stuff 😅
I’d say take time off but maybe think about waiting until they are at the 6 months mark - you’ll get to spend more time playing with them and they are more active/fun! That’s what I did for my second and I thought it was a much better deal than my first child (they are absolute potatoes at 0 - 6 weeks, you’ll be getting zero sleep too).
A1 absolutely right it’s ludicrous (and worrying) that the variety of split options being presented on this thread should elicit resentment from a wife (as indicated above).
In my view a father can structure their time to 100% bond with their baby, more than adequately assist their partner and juggle work simultaneously (in order to save time for the 6 month mark where there is more bang for your buck). In my experience (being the above option and the 0 - 6 weeks option) the 6 month wait is the better option any day of the week.
To anyone out there, if this sounds like you, just communicate with your firm’s partners and work as a team with your wife.
Point taken on the attrition piece A4. I might add that consulting firms are doing a better job at handling women in this space (my wife being the example). Instead I would love to see a counterbalance (not a change in the type of policies as the above worked for my family and I really well).
I will say this, although I hope it’s already been said in the comments: If your firm requires you to sacrifice time with your wife and newborn child - take those 4 M&A deals and run. Congrats on the baby-to-be!
Former Big Law dad here. Take all the time you can, and do not work from home. The M&A will happen without you, and that's OK. In five years, no one will remember the M&A, but you will remember that you missed your child's birth because of work, and so will you wife, and by then your child will be old enough to hear about it too. Be the father you want to be.
Take everything you’re offered. You’ll never get time like this again with your family. Be upfront with the associates and partners above you and give them plenty of notice.
Echoing to take all of the time you can. Also start transitioning off of your deals now! If they are to close by year end, they will be super busy by mid-December when she’s due. You need to have someone else already involved so that as soon as it’s time, you can bounce and not have to worry about getting someone up to speed.
I only took a week with both my kids and regret it. I work at a mid-size shop though without formal policies. If you’ve got a policy that allows you to take substantial leave, do it.