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While I understand people value their careers, I cannot fathom why you would have a stranger raise your kids over 50k/year if the other partner is able to cover all the expenses. You will never get that time back, it’s the most valuable thing you have. Just my 2 cents.
BAH2, all kids act awful at times and I try my hardest to be a good parent. For me, that includes breaks from my child otherwise I’d be overstimulated, plus this is our form of a village to bring her up since we don’t have family nearby (we’ve used her former daycare teacher as a babysitter and she’s become a family friend). Judge all you want, but in my experience, our daycare has been great. Some of the teachers + kids’ families have become our friends who we hang out with outside of daycare. Just offering another perspective as to why some households can afford to have a parent stop working but choose not to.
Women loose out big time financially if they become SAHM and then relationship doesn’t work out in few years. So if you want to be fair to her, figure out a way to put money in her retirement savings (and not just little bit) while she stays at home to take care of kids.
Its great that you are able to have this discussion and decide either way. I would be wondering, wouldn‘t it be better if also you reduce a bit and both of you work 4 days. Then you get time with your family which will never come back. You can make more money later. There is absolutely no reason to strive for „early retirement with 50“. Better see your kids grow up and bond with them.