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All good advice, and I would just to do some role-playing. We did it a lot with our daughter who has ADHD, and it helped her have something to say that she had practiced first.
Jerks can be found everywhere - middle school is the beginning of seeing who is the most insecure, weak, small-minded, etc. - and those are the jerks. And middle/high school is rough if not awful for most kids, whether they seem like they're fine or not.
The best thing you can do is talk to him, keep the trust with him, and give him ideas about how to find his niche. Could be a robotics club, coding, mathletics, etc. What does your guy enjoy? He needs buddies - maybe something outside school. Does he have friends?
Also, always have his back - kids are going to suck, remind him that they are the weak, insecure ones, and while that's cold comfort, those reminders will go far over time. Also - he'll make the best friends after public ed. and it's the "weird, strange" ones who are by far the coolest adults out there. Romy and Michelle are proof.
Enthusiast
My boys found their geeky, nerdy friends through band (then marching band), accelerated clubs & classes, & Boy Scouts. Good luck!
Our 12-year-old son has always struggled in school due to his ADHD and other issues. 6th grade posed additional issues with puberty, with some of his classmates still children and others young adults almost overnight. He is smart but definitely not athletic. He has been bullied before and been suspended a couple of times for physically responding to bullies. I told him when he went to middle school that he couldn't do that, because it could result in expulsion. He has had some triumphs and tribulations this year, but overall it has been a good year. You have no control over the jerks at school. The best you can do is prepare your "quirky" kid to expect some issues and teach him how to respond. He will find his "tribe" in his class, kids of similar nature. At home, you can support him and let him know his strengths, show pride in his achievements, let him know it isn't necessary to be a quarterback or a cheerleader. You and your child will get through middle school just fine -- and so will we.
Your husband was a basketball star.
Is he still a basketball star?
In the grand scheme of things, who knows, remembers, or cares that he was a basketball star? Maybe point out that it seemed and felt important in the moment but in the big picture, he doesn't particularly seem all that different from us unathletic weirdos?
Enthusiast
Knowing thy self is powerful 💥
My godson was miserable in 6-7th grade. Found the drama club in school and an outside local drama club. They formed a tight bond. He said it was the best experience of his school life and he made lifelong friends.
Yeah, I think I need to get him in to a choir outside of school.
If he has a sense of humor he could turn their insults around on them as jokes. He could list what he enjoys doing and find a club with people who enjoy the same things like art, music, Dungeons and Dragons. Even though he isn't athletic he could try golf. Take group lessons with other kids. Or martial arts like Karate or Taikwando. Or if he likes dance then Capoeira. Capoeira is a martial art that incorporates dance. The dance part was to hide the fight training because the Brazilian enslaved were not allowed to learn self defense. It is similar to break dancing.https://youaremom.com/play-time/activities-and-games-for-kids/sports-and-activities/the-benefits-of-capoeira-for-children/
Boy Scouts is great because the troops are like family and they admit girls now so he can practice his communication skills with everyone in a safe place and then try it at school.
Some kids are just better at hiding their insecurities. He isn't. Once he starts practicing his communication skills he will realize that he doesn't need to feel intimidated by other kids. He will realize they are no different than him.
He is in chess club, has been since kindergarten. We attend a classical charter school so things are a little different here. He is learning Latin and the cool kids play Magic but even still somehow he is the odd man out.
It could be that he has a disability. Before you get up in arms I'm merely making a suggestion. Chris Rock learned late in life that he had a disability. He can't recognize/process body language. He had a lot of failed relationships because he didn't know he had that challenge.
Dan Ackroyd, Daryl Hannah, Bill Gates, Robin Williams Greta Thunberg Asperger's
Jennifer Aniston, Henry Winkler, Jim Carrey, Patrick Dempsey, Keira Knightley, Steven Spielberg and Bella Thorne have dyslexia.
Pharrell has synesthesia.
Daniel Radcliffe has dyspraxia.
Ryan Gosling has ADHD and a reading disability
Trevor Noah , Justin Timberlake, Lisa Ling, Christopher Meloni have ADHD
Maybe you could have him assessed. https://psychcentral.com/disorders/chris-rock-nonverbal-learning-disorder
I am not against testing. He does have ADHD and hypersensitivity. This means he over reacts and is very emotional to things that mlst kids don't care about and middle schoolers notice.
Kids are so mean. THere is so much great advice in the comments above. Best you can do is be there for him and help him get through it. It really is tricky to navigate, that much I do know.
Enthusiast
I connect with posts that point to finding one’s interests, discovering new ones, and seeking like minds which is key throughout life.
Interest identification can also point to, or guide, potential career pathways and HS studies.
🤔💭PublicEd - reflecting on themes from socialization- assimilation.