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The first holidays after you lose someone that is so special to you is tough. Cry if you need to cry. Talk to her and tell her how much you miss her. Do some of the things you used to do together and then say Thank you for the memories. You can get through it. If you need to talk to someone, look in your area for grief counseling. Your mother made you strong and you can do this. Good luck and have a Merry Christmas!
Well said.
My mother passed 5 years ago in December. This is the first year I am truly embracing the holidays. It takes awhile. Be gentle with yourself, and surround yourself with those who make your heart smile.
I lost my mom July of 2020. My advice to you is to accept the up’s and downs and try and go with it. If you’re going to have an emotional breakdown, accept it and let yourself feel it. If you’re in class or it’s just not a good time, tell yourself that you’ll give yourself time to feel those feelings later. Allowing myself to cry and mourn her helped me heal.
It was so hard. Be kind to yourself and take time off if you need it. I’m thinking of you.
I’m so sorry to hear about you loss. It is hard. Hopefully, you’ll handle it a little better each day. 🙏🏾
I haven’t faced a similar loss, but I’m reaching out to tell you you aren’t alone. I hope your holiday starts to feel more joyful, or at least that you can get through it without too much pain. ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mother several years ago. My advice would be to take it one day at a time. The grieving process can’t be rushed. Just pray that the Lord gives you comfort and healing. Try to think of the good times and the value of the legacy she left you. Eating right and exercise also helps your mental well being. Praying for your healing. Take care.
I have an estranged mother due to my manipulative brother who is brainwashing her to distrust me my sister and my other brother. She recently moved from her home of 58 years and didn’t even share a final farewell dinner with us, she will not let me back into the house I was born and raised in and will only trust my brother who will not talk with any of us. My father died 3 years ago and at that time she gave this brother power of attorney and he will be executor when she passes . My mother won’t even invite me to her new home. It is a feeling not unlike abandonment and being orphaned. This is the worst year I have endured and I’m a breast cancer survivor. Believe me when I say losing a parent to death is easier and more natural than estrangement and abandonment. Which has been a long slow death. I pray for healing and peace for you the pain never goes away but the thud of loss becomes more dull and less aching over time.
I am so sorry for you. Siblings can be such a pain sometimes. I speak from experience. I too had not one, but two manipulative brothers who turned my father against my sister and I. We could not go to his funeral when he died. We did go after. After talking with my pastor, we “divorced both brothers. Hard as it was, it was best for us mentally. You will heal, it will take time. We still talk about things especially around his birthday. I forgave them both because they did so for greed(there wasn’t much money), but decided it was healthier to not have anything to do with them. Family doesn’t turn on family. That was 10 years ago. I have my sister and that is enough. My mother died 22 years ago, so both parents are gone. You need to go forward, hard yes, but you need not beat yourself up. Talk to your pastor if you have one. It will help.
You are not alone. Try to recall fondest memories of your mom, try to bake a favorite dish you both had liked, go shopping and self care ❤ yourself. Buy a new frame to put your mom's picture in. Its really a tough time for many of us.
It isn't linear. I feel like my second year without my parent has been harder than my first.
Maybe I was a little numb the first year and now not so much?
I don't know the solution other than... lowered expectations? It won't be the same. So maybe we need to shoot for different? Work something new or a change in the former routine?
I'm so sorry......I can't give you advice but I can pray for you and give you support.
I lost my mother two years ago and Christmas is her birthday. I haven't put up a tree, I just don't have the Christmas spirit anymore. No holiday will the same.
I think that I've turned into the Grinch. Lol
I can tell you that there is no time limit on grief and there's no instruction book. You grieve as you see fit.
I do have a little comfort knowing that my mom is with her baby girl.
Her and my sister are together again.
Sending you prayers for Comfort Encouragement, Strength and Peace. 🙏🏽🕊️
I lost my dad almost 10 years ago. (Feb 2023 will be 10 years.) I saw 2 eagles at the cemetery. When ever I see an eagle, I think of my dad. I don’t think it ever gets “easier.” I think you get better at dealing with the loss.
Here’s my advise to you, allow yourself to grieve, cry, and be sad. There’s no time line or rule that governs how long is “proper” to grieve. Also, and probably more importantly, remember and honor your mom. Remember the good times, remember things you with your mom that were special. Remember and reflect on the good times you had, and remember holiday traditions. Remember that she is proud of you, your accomplishments, and wouldn’t want you to remain sad forever. I still get sad when I think about what my kids are missing, but I am grateful for the memories that they have and the things they did with my dad.
Allow yourself to feel the emotions you have. Take time to mourn, but most importantly, take time to remember the good! Know you are not alone in this journey!
I’m so sorry you feel this way. Certainly your mother would not want this for you, but it’s hard to move on.
My mom died about eight years ago, and I’ll be honest; the holidays will never be the same without my mom and dad. It’s hard, but you will have to face a new normal. Be good to yourself. Know that you will feel highs and lows and that’s alright. If you have other family, make an effort to spend time with them over the holidays. If you don’t have family, or they are not close by, rely on your friends. There are many others that would support you and help you through the holidays. Let them. While it may take some time, you will start to see the “cracks” of happiness come through again. I wish you well and hope joy and happiness this holiday season.
I’m so sorry you lost your mom😪! I lost my dad 2 years ago and December 7 would have been his 88th birthday— I just take it one day at a time. Maybe you can try the same approach?❤️
My dad just died on my Mom’s birthday, December 18, just last year; his funeral was on December 23, the day before Christmas Eve. So, technically, this is our second Christmas without him, and it still sucks. We did decorate our home this year, primarily because of my stepson—I don’t want Christmas to be sad again for him this year. But it’s OK to grieve—give yourself permission to feel sad. That being said, I’m a big fan of escapism. I’m finishing my doctoral dissertation, and between that and grading papers, and preparing for the holidays, I forget my grief for a little while in my work. I also find that for me, spending time with my pets, going for walks, and reading a good book help, too, along with my religious faith. You will get through this, but at your own pace. My thoughts are with you now during this rough time.
Hi there. First I am so sorry for your loss. I understand. I lost my mom 4 days before thanksgiving last year and it still hurts. The first set of holidays were a blur due to the proximity to her passing but one thing I have come to understand since then is to not expect it to be the same. It won’t. It can’t. And it’s going to be ok. It’s so hard. Losing your mom is an untethered feeling like everything you knew about the universe just flew out the window. I can say that changing your routine so that it doesn’t exacerbate the loss and changes helps. For example…we now do a Buffett for dinner at Xmas. Why? Cuz I can’t bear the idea of her empty chair at the table. It helps. Just take it one step, one breath and one tear at a time.
I’m so sorry. Try to be around friends more. My prayers are with you
You asked about self-care tips. I lost my dad two years ago. I made a promise to him at his gravesite that I would find something positive in his loss. Why not? It means his life brought positivity. It isn't easy, but I decided on a few things. First, nothing WILL ever be the same again. That's good. The price of love is pain and the more it hurts, the more love you had, and that's a good thing. Another thing I decided is that I will embrace the hard times because the sadder I am, the closer he is to me at that moment and I allow him into my heart and thoughts and sit with him awhile. I still cry from missing him on occasion but it is with a smile on my face and sometimes even a chuckle. Your relationship can continue to grow, even after a loved one's passing.
“I sat there and forgot and forgot, until what remained was the river that went by and I who watched... Eventually the watcher joined the river, and there was only one of us. I believe it was the river.
Even the anatomy of a river was laid bare. Not far downstream was a dry channel where the river had run once, and part of the way to come to know a thing is through its death. But years ago I had known the river when it flowed through this now dry channel, so I could enliven its stony remains with the waters of memory.”
― Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It and Other Stories
I lost my mom in August, my dad four years before. This holiday season has been hard. I so agree with all of the kind advice about allowing yourself to mourn, acknowledging things will never be the same, and looking for different instead. I found some small ways to honor my parents memory with a donation to Heifer Project (Dad raised bees and Mom loved chickens) and picked a couple small traditions to (foods) to include. When I felt like crying, I cried. When I had a happy memory, I smiled. In both I thanked God for my parents and the love and support they gave me. I have 3 older brothers and I was very open with them about the emotional ups and downs- which they are experiencing as well. Your grief journey will be unique to you, but I hope you can find comfort in all the kindness and compassion that is being sent your way.
I lost my dad in 1990 and my husband in 2015. Service projects are especially good. Any hobby helps. Visit the gravesite and embrace your loss. Set goals so you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Write them a letter each year to sum up the year and tell them what you’d like to accomplish in the coming year.
Yes, it gets lonely for my parents. I lost both of my parents and two brothers. Some years be harder than others and I have my moments that I will cry but I think of the precious moments that I have had with them to get me through. Also, I pray to God to help me to get through their birthdays and the holidays. This is my first year that we laughed and told the grandchildren about them both. They asked a lot of questions about them. I was glad to open up as my sister and kids was with me this Christmas ❤️❤️. I was excited to see them which helped me. Take 1 day at a time and try to surround yourself around someone that can help you smile 😊 and embrace the positivity of your mother
I just came across this podcast tonight
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stephen-colbert-grateful-for-grief/id1643163707?i=1000580162304