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Rising Star
The right person will respect your professional obligations.
I feel for you! 16 years as a physical therapist and I can’t stay in one place for more than 5yrs (management likes to dump me after building my department…it never works out for them, which makes me happy). So my schedule is ever changing and I’m usually stuck with the “new guy’s” crappy timeframe, but there’s been times when I volunteer to cover the late shift so my coworkers with kids can get a break (we’re cat people). BUT my husband works in broadcast news and has been on the morning schedule for all but 2yrs of our marriage and we’re coming up on 19yrs (he literally started that shift the month we got married). Morning shift means he gets up at 2am, gets to work by 4am, is off just after 12:30pm and should be in bed by 6:30pm. Dinner together is a rarity as he’s usually in bed by the time I get home but tries to stay awake long enough for a goodnight kiss. Holidays off do NOT exist in television (unless you’re in sales or management) and really bad weather is no excuse either, as typically in winter he’s out driving before the snow plows. We have to plan vacations or time off about 6 months in advance, so, just like you, asking for a sudden Friday off is nearly impossible. I’ve worked so many late nights and weekends, time together requires a lot of strategy. If you’re trying to explain time off scheduling, use visuals like a venn diagram to get the point across. You’ll know if your partner is a keeper (whether they understand scheduling or not) if they make an effort to ensure that whatever/whenever you have time together is special for the both of you.
The right person will understand your scheduling constraints and learn to adapt with it
I suppose I'm kinda-sorta in the same industry as my wife (RN on weekends, CRNP rest of the week)...but even if I wasn't, my mother is a semi-retired nurse, so I already knew what to expect! Long hours...working holidays...medical terminology and jargon (MI, emesis, urinate, defecate), the war stories. ("How was work, mom?" "Broke a guy's ribs restarting his heart. How was school?" 😅)
My wife has told me horror stories about some of the men she had spoken to/dated in the past...like the genius who thought she could/should just drop everything to take a lunch break while working on the hospital floor. No, dude. Just...no. It doesn't work that way when people's health and lives are at stake.
So point being...date a nurse's kid! They may not work in healthcare, but they'll probably have a better understanding.