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Daycare. I’m confused here… do you not have daycare or a nanny? I crank hard in my daytime hours, break from 4:30-7:30 for family time and log back in if I need to after that. My wife does the same.
Do you have a designated work space (assuming you WFH)? I have to shut my office door and treat it like an actual office.
Pro
I also have a door sweep on my office door to help with noise (and my bad words!!!)
This is why I left Consulting. There are many jobs that won't make you feel like you are being unproductive or doubt yourself, simply because you are at a different life stage and need the flexibility to prioritize young kids during regular business hours.
I have 3 kids under 10.. the issue that the 2.5 is always coming into your office and wanting to talk to you? Obviously the 4 month old just eats sleeps and poops right? I also have a 2.5 and I find that she has been pretty understanding the last few months even if she can hear me. Just explain to her that you are working and really wish you could play with her now but you can’t. And you’ll be available after her nap or whatever.
My daughter is also out of the house or napping for a decent amount of time throughout the day (say 2 hours at a class in the morning, then a 2 hour nap, then usually an afternoon activity). I actually love being about to see her a few times during the day and even play with her or read or something for 5-10 min here and there. It means a lot to both of us. Sometimes this lack of productivity means you have to do a little bit of work after 7 when she goes to sleep.
Finally, when I have a heavy day, I do go into a work room in the local library or into the GH office. Maybe this is once a week. That really helps as well.
It sounds like you are a good person and just trying to balance life. It’ll be tough for the next few years but hang in there!! You’ll be great.
Start considering day care, even part time, for the oldest. It gives you some relief.