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How to overcome a breakup. I'm heartbroken 😭
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My husband and I decided it would be best for him to stay home when our kids were born and he left his job when I got pregnant so we got to let go of our housekeeper and landscaper, etc. which was great. And he was able to do some passion projects as well (he started a podcast, flipped a house, and started a photography biz) We didn’t feel comfortable sending our kids to daycare until they could talk and also felt that it’s really important to be the main caretakers in their first years of life.
Daycare is also crazy expensive in our area. Plus our friends who do send their kids to daycare spend so much time at home with them bc they get sick SO MUCH! They are basically paying full price to only send their kids like 1/2 the time. Does not seem worth it. If you can afford to comfortably live on 1 salary - I say do it! You’ll never get that precious time back with your babies!
** after reading the reply that you aren’t married yet - it’s good that you guys are having this convo now as opposed to later. Best to align before getting engaged/married as this is a pretty big deal in terms of way of life. Good luck ❤️ but just bc he is a stay at home dad doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t / can’t be bringing in money (as mentioned above - my hubs doesn’t have a 9-5 job anymore but he makes more doing 1 wedding weekend per month than most Americans do working every day in a whole month)
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My husband has stayed at home off and on throughout the years. We have one child who is old enough that childcare isn’t a significant reason for one of us to be home. It can work in a lot of different ways. Our biggest challenge was what the long term plan was. He got bored and felt crummy about being home and (in his words) “not contributing” but holy crap was it helpful to me as the one who was working like 60 hour weeks. He did groceries and cooking and cleaning and pet care and I didn’t have to worry about those things.
Stay at home with no kids… nah. Unless they are so truly unhappy at their job it’s making them miserable and even then, they should get something else even if only part time.
Right? Without kids it just feels like laziness.
If I can make enough for us to comfortably be living on 1 salary I would do it in a heart beat! Not only for the benefit of having all the cooking and cleaning and chores and shopping off my plate, but I know it would be SOOOOOO good for my spouse's mental health! They are much more aligned for that type of role than I am... crazy enough to say haha! But... I also agree with the people that pointed out the "partnership." You cannot look at what's "fair" or you'll talk yourself into a whirl wind that will just keep spinning and spinning. A partnership is no longer YOU and ME ... it's WE. WE have joint bank accounts, WE are both on the home morgage, it's OUR vehicles, OUR debts, OUR [fill in the blank].
This separated mentally is what will split you up, not the matter of who works outside the home and who works in.
Can he SAH and work from home ? So many of those jobs now !!!
Did he mean it earnestly or was it just dinner conversation chatter?
Are you married @op?
No, they aren’t even engaged yet lol
Well…not a fan. Personally, I think finances are typically the #1 battle with couples. Money comes and goes, but boy does it go faster than it comes. What happens if the only income goes? What is the plan, then? I get it if someone loses a job for a minute, but….
Depends on the state. NYS could force you to pay alimony, especially in the areas outside the City. Lots of fathers rights groups entertaining judges. My daughter will ask for a prenup.
I wish my husband was stay at home dad. He works from home but I would love for me to be the main bread winner and he can do the chores. Lol
If you don’t feel comfortable with it, then it’s a no go. Plain and simple. A stay at home partner usually has an important role in the relationship but it’s mutually agreed upon. You’re nobody’s sugar mommy. I would set my expectations quite clearly. I would give the exact recommendation to a guy in this situation.
Ugh, my spouse got laid off and hasn’t gone back to work. Sooooo, I am supporting both of us, I work six days a week. Two jobs and I’m exhausted and resentful. Trust your gut.