I came to the US at 16, faced extreme poverty, worked my butt off and got an engineering degree. I am 25F and I make 110k. My husband 30M doesn't have a college degree and finally realized the importance of education and going back to school. I am so proud of him and told him I will help with the tuition. Recently he came to me and said he would like me to completely support him financially as he wants to quit his job to study for 4 years. I don't know how to feel about this!

There are some programs out there that do require a lot more time and energy - like nursing is a great example. And there are some master programs that squeeze 2 years of work into 1 year.

Both your reaction and his question are legit emotionally.. once you have had time to sit with this, you and your husband need to have a deep conversation about long- term plans, ideas and what those plans look like in reality.

Student loans suck.

The non-traditional college student experience after 25 is not what he is thinking full time college should be. These are working adults that just want to finish. And I strongly suggest becoming something. - engineer, teacher, candlestick maker over getting a general degree.

If the program doesn’t allow for full time work - then he should be looking for a Starbucks job for 25 hours a week. At least he is still contributing financially.

That said, there are programs that will allow for work experience and testing out of credit hours that might shorten the time in program.

Don’t take this the wrong way but why did you marry someone without education? You seem to know what it takes to make it in the world based on what you did for yourself. Maybe you got marry young and didn’t know he wasn’t going to pursue an education. By the way, I’m 33 and married for 5 years so I know the importance of supporting your partner to a certain extent.

Regarding your question and as someone who came to the US from Mexico alone at age 18 and had 3 jobs to pay not only for bachelors but Masters tell him he’ll have to work numbers of jobs while studying if he really wants that. You can still help him in someway but this is not a free ride and you never know what the future holds.

Nope. Tell him unfortunately, this isn't going to happen. I think he's testing water.

My husband went back to school part time and worked full time. It sucks but it's doable. We couldn't "afford" to have him lose his salary. You should save some of your pay to build up your retirement. You should save some money for emergency. You have to be a little "selfish" about your financials because you never know what could happen in the future.

He needs to contribute the fair share financially. You can help with the tuition, but not covering all expenses. It's the attitude that matters.

I have bad examples. I know someone who doesn't work and asked her first husband to cover her bachelor's degree. Then got a divorce. She asked her 2nd husband to cover her Master's degree. Then got a divorce. Now she's working and collecting alimony from both ex husbands.

I worked full time through an MBA and a JD, he needs to suck it up and work while going to school part time. Yes, it's hard work, but the things we want often require sacrifice.

It's a hard no for me. If he wanted to go to college and not work, he should have gone right out of high school on his parents' dime. Going back as an adult-and a married one at that-means working and/or getting loans.

And feel free to ignore your MIL. Ask her if she still has his college fund and can help out. 😂🤣

How long have you both been married?
Do you have kids together?

Unless you're a sugar-mommy, say no to him giving up work 100%. He can study and work part time. He's a man-child if he expects you to support him financially for 4 years.

One of my best friends supported her husband to go to college whilst she worked double jobs and looked after 2 young children. Once he graduated, he ran off with the nanny. And I know not all men (or women) are so disloyal but it does happen more than it should.

Everyone, thank you so much for investing your time and energy into writing your responses. I apologize to those I didn't get around to responding. My husband and I had a lot of serious conversations the last couple days and it doesn't look like we will make it. It's mostly coming from him as he finally admitted to me that he is not at the right mindset to continue the marriage, the responsibility that came with it, and being a parent in the foreseeable future. My heart is truly broken. I know I gave this marriage my all and I know I will be ready for whatever the future holds.

Such a luxury! I would say no, work and school is attainable!

SPM1, You are absolutely right! I would hope for the best but that might not be the reality for me. My parents are also dependent on me financially as they have disabilities and are unable to work. It's honestly my absolute pleasure to help them as they have done the very best they could. As much as I love my husband, I don't think I need to be financially responsible for him. Maybe I am biased but he is a white male who grew up in privilege. Why would my immigrant ass has to pay for his expenses 🤣

Personally, unless you're making really good money, have a large amount saved and are ahead on saving for requirement, I wouldn't. He could go to school part time and work full time if needs be. That's just too much risk at hand -- especially in this economy.

It really depends on what he’s going to school for. IE: if he’s going to nursing school he may not be able to work, however if he’s going to school for an engineering degree he can work at the very least part time.

Doesn’t sound like you had it that easy and you started from scratch. NOPE. He can do both and he should. Boundaries! Dont allow him to put all that pressure and responsibility you. He will appreciate his accomplishments more if he’s all in.

You should be clear with him that is not an option you can consider. He has a personal goal that he wants to accomplish, it will help you both in the long run sure, but no one knows what the future holds.

You have personal goals too, like the desire to help your sister and you would be sacrificing that and ultimately regret it. I don't know your relationship with your parents, but you may need to help or take care of them down the line too.

After my ex husband finished his part time MBA program, he quit his job to look for a new one, we ended up having to pay his old job back for the tuition coverage they provided during his employment. And I also supported us until he found a new job nearly 8 months later.

I bore those expenses, and none of that factored into my divorce settlement or will benefit me in the future.

I know this thread is full of worst case scenarios, but unfortunately those are more common than stories about how everything ended in rainbows and sunshine and the man developed a phenomenal work ethic, conscience, and treated you like the queen you are.

NO. What about your savings? What if you lose your job? He needs to do something and sooner or later in this study journey, get something on his area of study if possible. If he does not understand that very simple logic, you say goodbye, wrong 30M.

He wants a mommy and an atm. You ma’am have a bum on your hands. Not a man.

Hi! This is a tough one! It’s depends all on the man you’re married too. I saw the other comments.. I have know these stories: some men run off with the nanny.. or the intern..
I would say seek out a therapist and a financial advisor… for advice... to see if you can afford it. I got 2 masters degree successfully and worked full time in HR about 45-55 hours week and still graduated with a 3.9.. #Get out of here with that! LOL.. others have obtain JD and other advanced degrees while working FT/PT.. Like everything else. It can be done.

I worked full time while earning my degree and paying a mortgage solo dolo.

My husband was the breadwinner in our marriage when we first got married right after high school. He works a blue collar job in trade work as a toolmaker. I worked part time while in college and I was so young I didn’t even have the slightest clue what we were doing in school or what to study. But I knew one thing was certain: I was getting a BS degree. I eventually had to quit my part time job and devote my time to full time studying. He supported me in this.

It's completely depends on your chemistry and the trust you have on him. I am in similar situation, where my husband left job and now started pursuing his passion in Arts. He is a good artist, started selling his paintings, making very little money or no money some months also. I support him financially because I know one day he will do something big with it. Probably he may not be the richest person but he will be happy at the end of the day. For me partnership means to support each other in their time of need. I support him financially, he support me by doing 90℅ of the household work in weekdays beside his paintings. I believe that's also a contribution, I earn money and he support me to grow financially ( I need not to take care anything in the household almost), a big relief. This is my second marriage. In the first marriage, my x husband and me both were financially independent, but nothing was ever good in there. I would suggest to analyse yourself, how is your relationship with your husband, also is it possible to have a good life in single income. If yes, why not.

for me, probably wouldn’t fly. I think it depends on the program and realistic jobs with salaries included he could get after completing the degree based on when you live. I struggled in grade /high school (late diagnoses adhd so now I see why..) and did better in college. I didn’t live on campus as I couldn’t afford to and I commuted. This allowed me to work 30-40 hours a week in retail. I also worked for a company (Reebok) that reimbursed some of my college degree. More time (unemployed) wouldn’t have helped me be successful (or more successful) in school. I think he needs to deeply understand his barriers before assuming unemployed and focusing on a degree is necessary. Unless the degree was very specific and intensive (like nursing, etc) I would not be on board with this.. and at a minimum, they’d need a part time job, even low pay, or lots of volunteer.. 🤷🏼‍♀️