I don't have the financial reliability to pursue a relationship outside of my friends and family. Its tough enough to maintain the relationships I do have because of my job related PTSD but I can't contribute financially. Even something as small as bringing a cheap dish to a potluck gives me anxiety. I used to be generous to a fault and now my identity is gone.

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Nah money doesn’t exist in relationships for me. I don’t mess with it. It’s not important. As a man if you show confidence in your beliefs and show it with conviction no woman can challenge or dispute it.

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I'm not a dude but contrary to a lot of thinking women do want to provide for their family and friends and also provide the emotional and household labor so its always so much guilt and anxiety. I used to be the person who even when broke I could drive two hours taking my friends places and then pay the gas and parking even if I had nothing to eat. But I am below that point now with more debt than I can pay off for the rest of my life. I will never be able to pay for a friends $3 tea and be ok. When a server accidentally charged my card for my lawyer friends meal, I had to pretend it was ok because I genuinely like this friend and did not want her to venmo money but the $15 was such a stretch for my budget. Its things like this that most people don't have to think about.

I was like Love is More Important than money’s my way into dating a bum for a long time… accept the love your friends and family give you and stop seeking things before their time. The love they give you and grace will allow you to heal from your PTSD. They won’t be perfect but they will give you food and shelter I presume. You have a long road of work and accessing what your self worth is derived from and unpacking all of that. We have been trained as WOC to be betas. Don’t let that stop you from being all you can be. You can be a good person and still succeed. Success and being self-centered will attract people who will respect you more frequently than not. Personally defined success.

Right now I can't afford to gas to go out and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. My PTSD is so bad that I know at times I come off negative or morose and people see it and try to ignore it. But when it gets bad I get much fewer invitations to go out and the wealthy ones with PTSD are invited. Money does help with all mental illness, its not a cure but its like wearing a helmet vs not having one.

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