an Elementary School Speech Therapist
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Kids are totally spoiled. Even younger kids who aren't driving yet tend to have some pretty expensive gear. And they don't seem to care about it all that much. I seem to remember when I was a kid if you broke or lost something that was it, you were out of luck. Kids today just lose things, break things, and none of it matters, the next day it gets replaced. And yeah, I totally missed the boat on having rich parents.
Coach
Yes I remember that as well. I imagine it really does have to do with your circumstances and where you come from. My grandparents are blue collar immigrants and raised my Dad to be very similar. As a family each generation has done just fine, I'd say lower middle class, but not rich by any means.
My poor kids- driving inherited cars- one has a 2001 Honda and the other a 2012 Toyota… they are just lucky that they even have cars to drive. If they did not inherit their cars from grandparents, they would not have cars at all until they could afford to buy one themselves. They both think it is embarrassing to have their cars parked next to the new Jeeps and BMW’s their classmates have but oh well- like I said- lucky to even have cars at all… there is a sense of entitlement with today’s kids for sure.
Coach
How do you have these conversations with your kids? Do they ever bring it up and how do you handle it? My kids are still in elementary school so I'm still a little ways out but even my 4 year old keeps telling me "Mom you should buy a Tesla"
We started teaching them about gratitude and the difference between needs and wants pretty much since they were toddlers. In a kind and loving way, but sticking to our non-materialistic values. Many, many conversations were had, especially in elementary and middle school when they were really comparing our lives to their peers. I acknowledged their feelings of envy and jealousy when other kids were going on their annual trip to Disney World, but we were spending February break going sledding at the local golf course and participating on free evens at the library, when their friends were getting phones and tablets in elementsry school, and they were not, when their friends were wearing $100 sneakers, and they had to choose something under $50 or make up the difference with their own money… We talked a lot about how there will always be people who have more than we do, but there are always people who have less, too. Making sure we participate as a family in charitable giving, letting them see poverty, and having honest discussions about living within our means has paid off. We started teaching them about basic money skills when they were 5 by teaching them to save 1/2 their birthday money and then letting them spend the rest. They had to navigate makijg choices based on how much they had, and we did not cover the rest if they picked up something they could not afford. They were taught that they could save up for it or make a different choice. We also talked about the importance of having an emergency fund, delaying gratification, and choosing to have things or to do things. We let them feel both disappointment when they could not get what they want as well as the pride when they saved up for something they really wanted. They have become smart, hard working teens who are much more prepared for independent life than their peers. They both make comments to me about how their friends don’t really understand money.
They are not deprived. We went to Disney when they were 6 and 9. We went on a cruise vacation last year. We live in a modest home in a nice neighborhood. We have a swimming pool in our backyard and go on annual beach vacations in the summer. We just tried really hard to raise them to be appreciative and grateful for all the things we have and to understand that you can’t buy things that you can’t afford. It is a lifestyle choice and really about raising them with the values we believe in. Honestly, it is important for kids to not have everything they want all the time and it is ok for them to feel envious and disappointed so they can learn to navigate the ups and downs of life. Isn’t the goal to raise our kids with love to become independent, kind, and balanced adults? It is not easy, but totally worth it. I totally love and enjoy my teens. They are great young people.
It is so amazing that your kids have come out of the “materialistic teenage hood syndrome” unscathed. I cringed each time my child said, “Mom could I get a ____ because Johnny has one.”. They would sulk for days until they got what they wanted. I guess I was a softy when they were growing up. Today they both work at labor intensive jobs and sometimes it is really hard for them. They have learned to become more frugal over time.
They are still young and my daughter still struggles at times but we just acknowledge how challenging it is and let the math and money truths keep her in check. 🤷♀️