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My name is Neskens Jr, I am an Anti-bullying advocate and a Youth Empowerment Speaker, as a former victim of bullying and childhood trauma, now I share a relatable message that focus on helping young people overcome bullying and be the hero of their story.
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I have gotten a CPI certification in the past and one of the things they teach in verbal de-escalation is the difference between challenging questions and information seeking. If she’s truly seeking information then offer it. If she’s seeking challenge it could be to gain control/autonomy or to gain attention - either way she’s communicating a legitimate unmet need. If you can figure out which you can meet that need in a more positive way - relationship building, academic choice, classroom responsibilities, etc.
I have done the one day verbal de-escalation training which I’d recommend to anyone working in a school where they see challenging behaviors for sure! I’ve also done the two-day course - the second day is physical interventions including restraints that are used in a crisis when the student is a physical threat to themselves or others. This portion I’ve used much less often but can be helpful if you regularly have students who are physically aggressive. At our school we limit the people who have the physical intervention training to school leaders, behavior techs and SPED teachers.
And yes my school did pay for it and has paid to renew it every two years since I’ve been with them.
Couple suggestions that I have used in the past: older student mentor , teacher mentor , have lunch with her to just talk not about behavior or school, set personal goals for the day where she can cash them in for non tangible incentives, tell her how it makes you feel in a combative way, ask family for help, or just simply ask what’s on her mind each day. I hope these help !
Those are all great ideas!!!
I’d take the whole child approach. Figure out how she’s feeling: mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally. Something might be happening and she needs to share how she’s feeling. You can google “mindful student check-ins” and great activities come up to help kids identify how they’re feeling!
I agree, those are great suggestions. Also, this student doesn’t seem to see the value in what she’s learning. Have you tried discussing your lesson rationale with your students. I start my lessons with what we are doing today, how are we going to do it and why we are going to do it (how it will help them in the future or work to build on something they already know).
I am an admin. One thing I tell my crew is that to remember, if this is a new behavior, to ask yourself why? The child might be crying out for help if something is going on personally for him. Reach out and give him a calming space to get refocused. All my teacher have this in their rooms and it has helped with kids disrespect because when they start they are provided a calming space to refocus.
If you haven't yet, try some relationship building activities. A lot of people are offering suggestions for if this is a new behavior from this student, but if not maybe you and him/her need to bond a bit. I recommend doing the 2x10 strategy. Talk with the student for 2 minutes for 10 days in a row about whatever they want. Nothing school related but it can be about their hobbies, interests, what they did that weekend, etc. Sometimes something like this gets students in your side!
Yes! Relationships are key. Our district uses Conscious Discipline, and the website has lots of free resources on concrete strategies for building relationships and teaching self-regulation with children who seem hard to reach. Dr Bailey also has a great podcast called “Real Talk for Real Teachers” This particular episode might be helpful for you:
https://youtu.be/eGS_F9i5XlM
I suggest just spending some time each day to ask her how her night went and try to build a rapport with her. I have seen this help and only once have I seen it backfire in that the kid is worse in class. She is obviously trying to keep everyone out so she needs to have someone who won’t give up on her.
Honestly though when my students ask my why should I I reply because I’m the teacher that’s why. You’d be surprised how many of them say oh 👌 ok. They just need an answer at times.