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Hi Fishes, Can Anyone please tell, one of my friend joined Tech M in August, At the time of joining she was 3 months pregnant and now shes worrying about her manager. She wants to inform them about her pregnancy; is it right time to inform? Or she needs to wait for 6 more months for that to inform? Anyone please clearify.. HCL Technologies Newco Tata Consultancy Accenture Deloitte
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I don’t know if this helps at all but I had baby after lockdowns also and have been in survival mode with my husband and I both working from home without childcare, and I get very stressed at the thought of being home alone without my husband also. Which in normal times I would’ve done for long stretches as soon as his paternity leave was over, but because we’ve been figuring this out together from day one I feel unbearably dependent on his support. We also don’t have any family around aside from no childcare. I think having a kid during everything going on has just been incredibly stressful. You’re not alone! There’s still a lot of adjusting ahead since people who became parents during Covid will not be “returning to their old life”, we have to figure things out all over again as things continue to change. Don’t feel bad about yourself, and hang in there.
I never understood what the anxiety I had around being with my baby and working while my husband ran out, even for an errand. The dependency on support is brutal and adds a whole dimension of stress. That just gave me so much insight. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
It really is true that if you worry whether you are a good parent, you are. Because actual bad parents don’t worry about it. Kids are HARD! No one ever has enough patience. Most of us need to work on that. But I bet you have great parenting qualities as well - make sure to recognize those. Are you very attentive? Steady? Reliable to your kid? Loving? Affectionate? Supportive? The good and consistent sticks with kids even more than the outbursts. So work on you patience along with most of us and remind yourself of all the great parenting you do.
Not sure anyone on this site will agree with this but here is my story. I was exactly the same as you at first. I worked full time in pharma advertising and preferred that to the endless hours of running after toddlers. I could not wait until my full time nanny would come and take over. She worked 7:30 to 6:00. I asked my pediatrician about it and she said that what worked for her was when she was with the kids she did not think or do anything for work and vise versa. It worked. But, I did not fully get it until I got laid off, let the nanny go and totally immersed myself as a full time mom mode! I had to know it was all on me, this was my thing and I was in control. Soon I was back to work, but when I now had the kids I liked total devotion and control and tried not to split the time, I needed to own it. I learned not to always look at the clock to see when someone would take over for me.
We parents are all in the trenches of an unsustainable way of living!! You aren’t alone at all. I have been impatient with my toddler too, and I kick myself for being reactive afterward when it’s not his fault. Just know that how we parent in our worst moments doesn’t define how good of parents we are the vast majority of the time. ❤️
Don’t minimize how exhausting it is to move - especially with a little one. I did it when mine was 6mo and again at 2.5. Take a break from settling in and get a few good nights of sleep - boxes can wait. And if the mess is making you insane, can you hire a babysitter to keep kiddo occupied while you and your husband power out a room or two?
This right here! Moving by itself is one of the most stressful life circumstances you can go through. Having a child makes the list too (and 11 months is still, in the grand scheme of things, very new!)
I don’t even know where to put global pandemic / unstable or no childcare on there.
I will also second the note above re: hormones. I was relatively lucky in that I had a somewhat easy birth and recovery but we moved when my son was 8-9 months old and the process + work + childcare struggles + that particular age range he was in really did me in.
I also weaned right around then in an attempt to get more better sleep and honestly the emotional rollercoaster (which in retrospect was in part hormonal) from like 10 - I feel like it was nearly 18? months f’d me up real good. I ended up quitting my job (which I don’t necessarily recommend!) because something had to give. And eventually, finally, getting my brain medicated, which actually helped me climb out of it.
Anyhow! Solidarity to you fellow mom, hope today is a better one!
I too get so sad at myself for how little patience I have with my eldest who is now 7. I feel like it has become worse as she is older but it could very well just be the pandemic. I feel like have more patience for my 2 year old son but I’m not sure if it is 1. Because he is a boy or 2. Because I’ve lived through the ages and stages and I see how he is still in that well-intentioned sweet phase.
Whatever the reason, it’s tough for those stretches I’m on my own without my husband. It’s tough not to think “what’s wrong with me?”
One thing I’ve been trying to do (with some success and some failure) is to think ahead of time how to set myself up for success and make the situation fit what I might need in the moment. For instance, I’ve found it’s worse if we are at home with no agenda. Or if I haven’t prioritized myself and gotten ready for the day yet. So for those times I’m on my own with the kids I may have my husband watch them before he leaves so I can get ready and then head out for a walk or to the park or to get coffee with them. All this is easier said than done. Yesterday morning I was already at the end of my fuse by 7:45am.
It’s trite but I’m in month one of a newborn and realizing everything is worse when I’m
Not hydrated, eating enough or getting in naps. As my husband reminds me, putting your oxygen mask on first is the best for you AND your kid - and your relationship. Take care of yourself!
I have a couple of kids, and 10 to 14 months was always the absolute hardest. They don’t just lay there like a newborn, and they can’t entertain themselves like an older toddler. Plus no one tells you that the 10-11 month mark is when your body sheds all the leftover pregnancy hormones, which is why some women shed hair like crazy, and everything dips… your emotions, your self-worth, your everything. Everything comes down at once. So have patience with yourself, work out a little you time (even if it’s just to take a walk for 15-20 minutes alone, or an uninterrupted bath or shower) every day, routinely, with your partner. Get outdoors. Talk to other moms who’ve been through this, breathe deep, look ahead: you’re smack in the midst of one of the hardest stages, and you should be congratulating yourself for getting this far.
Agree with the advice above. You’re doing the best you can, please give yourself a break! Moving is incredibly stressful and your baby is at a tough age for testing your patience. It will get better.
I also highly recommend reading Hunt, Gather, Parent. It helped me shift from a mentality of having to “watch” my toddlers to making them apart of my normal daily routine, household tasks, etc. to instill independence and helpfulness. My 16 month old is so annoying when I am trying to chill out in a room with him (“sitter-vising”) but if I am being productive around the house, he occupies himself or even tries to help me out with his play broom or dusting. Then I rest when he’s finally napping. 🙃 you’ve got this!
I have a 4 year old and 10 month old. Baby phase is tough, my 10 month has been so hard. Give yourself some grace because just like the baby learns, so will you. That said, postpartum anxiety and postpartum rage are very much a think that I recently learned about and have accepted that I suffer from after this second pregnancy. I’ve been seeing a therapist and it’s helped a lot. Placing a name on it and recognizing it for what it is helped me feel less alone and less shitty as a mom.