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I’m actually so validated by this thread— OP thank you for posting. I got married earlier this year and was 100% taking this personally. And now I see that humans have just gotten ruder over time (in this respect at least)
So this may be petty, but I ended up sending thank you notes to everyone who came to the wedding regardless of whether they gave a gift. I just said “Thank you for attending our wedding. It was great to have you there to celebrate with us.”
I figured it might also remind some people who had forgotten to give a gift or alert them if they did give a gift and we had somehow not received it.
We ended up getting a few more gifts after sending these. I didn't care that much about the gifts, but now I don't feel ill will towards the people.
+1 - We also did this for our wedding in September. People ended up forgetting half the time and gave us a late wedding gift. And if they don’t, that’s okay too. At the very least we have no ill will between us and our guests. Should they have? Probably. Does it hurt our friendship? Nah.
Big etiquette nerd here. Being invited to a wedding is an honor- it is one of the biggest milestones in someone’s life. Even if you don’t attend, the general etiquette rule is that you are still supposed to send a gift because it is that much of an honor to be invited. To attend a wedding and not being any gift, or even a card, is just inappropriate.
This happened to me and I took it as a “thank you” for the future. I won’t give anything, and I mean anything, to them now. I go against my rules and show up empty handed. No gifts, whatsoever. Giving should feel good (another general etiquette principle 😊) and giving them anything just simply doesn’t feel good for me… so “thank you” for freeing me from the obligation. Also, would hate to make it awkward since we are clearly not in a friendship etc. of giving and receiving. So take it as a “thank you” (ps- this last part might not be “Emily post” but I’ve convinced myself it is and I’m sticking to it)
SC1- agreed!! If I don’t receive a thank you, I always check to make sure the gift was received. Not in a way to accuse someone of not saying thank you- but just to make sure they got it because things happen.
Same with us. Maybe 25-30% of our close friends gave a gift, if that. Wild. I always give a gift when I go to people’s weddings…..
Same. Even when I was in grad school I still gave a gift and card.
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Omg same here! Thought I was the only one bothered by this. I understood if people form out of town didn't give a gift but a card saying congratulations is like 5 bucks? Also the people in town not in the bridal party that brought plus ones and didn't give anything really annoyed me
Wow that's ballsy. The person who ignored me at my wedding and didn't give a gift or card also brought a plus one. The gall of some people
I just had my wedding recently as well, and that happened to us as well. I’d say less than half of our immediate friends/bridal party gave us a card or gift. I know them attending is a gift to us as well, but still feels weird since I know many of them are single with good jobs.
Exactly, same for us on the guest book! And for my bridal party I bought them pjs and small earrings which weren’t terribly expensive but just a little something as a thank you. So it is really sad that I didn’t get even a card.
Same for me. It is weird to me that when people go to house warming, birthday or any other event they will bring a gift, but when it comes to wedding, many just don't bother to give even a small gift. I have a friend that gifted me a $14 gift for my wedding, it really surprised me because we have known each other for a long time, and for her birthday, her wedding I get her gift or cash, not sizeable, but decent, or I pay when we go out together. I consider her family. We make the same salary. I can't really digest her thought of that $14 gift. It is not that I am materialistic, but this is the time when you realize how people really think of you.
I totally understand this. My best friends who make double my salary didn't bother to give a gift or card and haven't said a peep. All the people who gave gifts/cards are older family member and friends and family in the next generation above me. There's clearly some generational gap going on and it's shocking. I guess this is the way weddings are going to be from now on
The same thing happened to me. We got a few gifts months later, but I have a friend who is literally a millionaire that didn’t give a gift or card. It did hurt a little that they didn’t acknowledge us. Like others have said, I didn’t expect gifts from our wedding party or out of town guests, but the people who didn’t give were mostly local. It was really eye opening.
Wow. Sorry it happened to you too. Eye opening indeed. My best friends didn't give a gift or card so I definitely feel weird now. And have no one to clearly vent to
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This is such a weird trend.
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Accenture, I was agreeing with OP. just adding that I thought the behavior was also self-centered. I absolutely would be hurt.
I wish I just got a card from my friends… no cash needed
Not getting a card on such a big day sucks. I still read the cards I got and the sweet and thoughtful messages make me smile
Time to get better friends.
/:
Pro
we’re they all in the wedding? and had to spend money on bridesmaid dresses, suits, etc? i think it’s becoming increasingly common for wedding parties not to give gifts, and unfortunately too many people only think about giving cards when a gift is involved. i’m sorry you’re dealing with this i don’t want any of that to seem like i’m excusing them because i’d be hurt too!
I agree with you SC1. Funny thing is that a couple of these friends know etiquette quite well where in the past I've consulted with them more than one on what's the proper etiquette for a certain situation. Mind blowing
Rising Star
May you and your husband have a long, happy life together. Toasting to the adventures that await!
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If they came, they didn’t totally snub you. I can totally understand how it hurts, but try to reframe it. Don't let their lack of manners spoil your memories. Writing a heartfelt note in a card is a gift to both the writer and the recipient. Sadly, also a sign that many young people don't really value marriage or understand the significance.