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Which comedian? And yes my initial reaction is that you are overthinking this.
Not familiar with him but that is pretty intense, is this some underground comedian or something
I follow over 3000 people on Instagram. None of it is an endorsement, and unless he is posting the comedian I would let it go.
If I see something offensive that they posted, I will remove. But let’s say for example I was following Louis CK (i don’t think I am but if I was) I probably wouldn’t search for him to delete him. Point is I don’t even know who I am following anymore because I follow so many people.
I personally think you’re overthinking it. Siblings are different people and you married one sibling, not the other. While I understand the concern that being raised together, they may share similar views, you being married to one doesn’t necessarily mean you get to opine about the other.
I’m very careful to chose opine even though that may not be the right word. I don’t mean to suggest you’re not entitled to an opinion. But are your spouse and his sibling so close that you’re concerned brother in law’s views may mirror spouses? If not, while I don’t agree with racism, I also believe others are free to their opinions.
Hard disagree. If anyone in my husbands family was harming me bc of their racist views I definitely have a right to confront them and tell them to stop. Racism is completely wrong and it’s not an “opinion” anyone is entitled to. If anyone’s “opinion” is that one race is better than another, then they are trash and should be confronted. I would stand up for my spouse if anyone in my family was harming him as well.
The question my original post asks was whether simply following a racist reflects on my bro in law and I think it doesn’t in this specific instance bc my bro in law is otherwise a kind and non racist guy. I think he may have accidentally followed him bc he didn’t like any of the racist’s posts.
I dont think you are. Can you ask your SO to minimize contact between you and your BIL?
I don’t blame you for being angry and being disappointed in your husband’s reaction.
You did not share whether any of this humor is shown in your presence or home.
Unfortunately none of us can control other adults.
So you may want to focus instead on doing things that immediately and directly impact you.
State your position calmly and clearly to your husband and ask your husband to share with his brother. DO NOT argue. The point is you feel uncomfortable and hurt by that type of humor and TELL him that you would appreciate that kind of humor not being shared in your presence or home.
I’m afraid expecting more than this will lead you to be just more frustrated.
If your request is not honored, then you may truly have a more severe problem.
I respectfully wonder why we often believe other people don’t have the right to be or think something we strongly disagree with. Your BIL in fact is not hurting you. You found out he listens to someone you disagree with. (Rightly so by the way, I don’t agree with racist jokes either). But that knowledge is not the same as your BIL doing anything to you. You do get to choose your reaction to this knowledge, but the thought that you get to control another adult is problematic.
C1, I got your point. I just disagree with the degree of impact this has on OP and what OP can/should do about it. But to your point, we get to disagree
@counsel 1- you probably shouldn’t tell people what is hurtful or not hurtful to them. I was trying to understand whether he was actually racist or not. And if he is, he either changes or I remove myself from him presence. respecting other people is not the same thing as being controlling
@partner 1- arguments that make fun of our shared occupation are so lame. If you think it’s okay for people to be racist, then that’s your problem.
I hope you get to a conclusion that works for you. Genuinely. I don’t have to agree with everything someone thinks or says for their pain or discomfort to be valid.
If your husband doesn’t want to address it, probably it means he doesn’t think it’s a big deal to discriminate against your ethnicity. Have you ever considered the possibility that your husband wants you to be the wife because he has yellow fever which itself is a kind of discrimination and dehumanization of Asian female? People simply don’t change their values and views. If you feel it’s disturbing, I suggest divorcing your husband.
He’s also Asian but we’re different ethnicities but yeah I find his not wanting to address it with his brother pretty messed up. I’m going to address with him again. Thanks for your thoughts!