Is it easier to make friends in NYC or the Bay Area?

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Depends on how you define friends and the type of friends you seek: "acquaintances", "confidantes", "mentors", and "sounding boards" are very different tiers of friends.

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I think it’s more about you than the location. It’s hard but putting yourself out there and being comfortable with rejection is a must. You’ll find your people if you try.

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I’ve had better luck in NYC than I did in the Bay.

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Depends on how much you pay them

smartfunny

I live in NYC, partner lives in the Bay area, and had some friends who recently moved from the Bay to NYC. My friends from the Bay and I all made friends here really easily, both loose and close friends. There's so much to do where you can meet others outside of work (social sports, interest clubs, gallery openings and other cultural events, etc) and I find that even in bars conversations with strangers happen organically more easily than in the Bay.

They talk about a Seattle Freeze but I think it's the same with the Bay. My experience there is that people cling to small groups, and folks who've lived in the area their whole life cling to their childhood friends rather than branch out (this is true of my partner...still mostly just hangs with the same people he's been hanging out with since grade school). In bars people seem to stick to themselves. I'm sure there are similar options for things like social sports and such, but it doesn't sound like as pervasive there as it is here.

I think it might be partly due to geography. The bay area is expansive and largely commuter. SF itself isn't that big population-wise itself, more spread out feeling, and the trains aren't 24/7 which I do think makes a difference.

In contrast, in NYC people, neighborhoods, and social attractions/areas are more condensed, and getting around the city, Brooklyn, and queens, in particular, is easier around the clock. I also think people who are attracted to NYC may be hardwired for networking a bit more which does lead to friendships, not just professional opportunities.

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I don't doubt you. I haven't lived full time in SF myself, so my observations are not complete in that way. I do know that I have built such an amazing, diverse community here and it was not nearly as hard as you'd expect...it snowballs!

Congratulations on your move! If you'd like to grab a coffee when you are here, let me know. FWIW, I'm industry adjacent, too (I work in healthcare comms).

The quality of connections in nyc is a lot worse though.

Lots of awful terrible people to filter through. In other cities you won’t have this problem with the exception of LA

Quality > quantity always

Also this city is extremely segregated and fake. Not just on a racial/economic basis but weird things like neighborhoods, political views, colleges, industry or company within same industry you work in all of which you get judged for.

The cliqueness and pretentiousness is absolutely cringe and very unique to nyc. There is a reason people only stay a few years here because well adjusted healthy people have nothing to gain from investing in these kinds of people and relationships.

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I'm sorry you feel this way. I've been here for over a decade and this has absolutely not been my experience. I have a larger, more genuine group of friends made here than I have in any other city I've lived in and made outside of college. And far more diverse. Most people I know who moved did so just to the burbs and because they wanted a little more room to grow their family. I also think people are so much more direct and honest than the average city. We're actually kind of known for that...

I think the moral of this story is experience may vary, as it does anywhere. And I think attitude may play a big role.

likefunny

Just moved recently to NYC. The thing I’ve realized that acquaintances is easy but friends are harder anywhere. Solidifying connections into friendships is hard. The best way is to go to a setting (work, cooking classes, events) that is frequent. Once you see the same people time and time again it’ll form the connection. Best of luck!

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I realized earlier on that most people would only befriend if they think that they can use you in some ways

smart

Lol stop gaslighting D2. Fakeness is an especially nyc problem.

I’ve been living in NYC for almost 2 years and have made a lot of new friends/acquaintances! Some close, some just more-so loose connections. I suggest BumbleBFF! It’s a great tool to meet new people. Or Meetup is good too. I haven’t lived in the Bay Area but NY has a lot of cool people to meet :)

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