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He can’t pick up the phone when you call him? Can’t he say you are a friend? As a 50-year old man who hasn’t come out to his parents (they are very religious and living in denial about the obvious signs that I am gay, but that’s a whole different topic) I can say that a person doesn’t “have” to come out. ) I am out at work and to everyone who’s not in the circle of my parents. My relatives wouldn’t care and have probably figured it out, it’s just that my mom is super religious. But you have to decide what is right for you. If it’s a deal breaker than it’s a deal breaker. My current BF is out to his family but not to his coworkers cause he is afraid of losing his job. It’s pretty annoying cause we can’t go to local gay things or Pride together. It’s starting to be a deal breaker for me, cause he is super paranoid about it.
I think part of the reason why my old gf broke up with me was because I was not out to my mom. I’m from a pretty liberal family, but my older sister had just “come out” (cause she wanted to marry her gf of 6 years!!) so in my mind at the time felt like too much too soon. I understood where she was coming from though and I have no hard feelings at all, she was just in a different place than I was and I wasn’t able to catch up to her.
I think different people move at a different pace and that’s okay! But also it’s important to recognize that we all have different needs. If you want to wait it out cause you feel like there might still be something there then good for you, my sister-in-law definitely waited a long time but they’re happily married now. But if you want to move on cause you feel like you’d like a partner that’s “out” then that’s totally valid too and you shouldn’t feel bad either. I haven’t heard from my ex but I can tell you that I’m still not out to my mom so she definitely made the right move 😂😂
His parents tell him to stay back in the burb once his lease is up. Whenever we talk about when he is going back to the city, he keeps mentioning his parents’ advice. Which is unfair since they are not even aware of my existence. And now I just feel like I don’t really see a future in this relationship because of him hiding his sexuality. He is an only child and his parents divorced so I understand his desire for status quo. Even though he told me his presents are very liberal, he is still afraid coming out is gonna affect their relationships. But this lack of transparency is really taking a toll on me and our relationship.
My gf and I went through this, I not being out to my parents and am now with them during this time period. I totally get the frustration on your side, but to shed some light its been super difficult not to be open with them, but also as this life becomes the new norm and more comfortable in the chaos of everything going on right now, ive decided adding to that chaos by telling them now would just make things worse ( for my own experience, just trying to give you the other side). But having said that I do hope to tell them when things have calmed down, and I never thought it would be this hard to tell them ( pretty liberal family) but it is, and makes me more impressed and in awe of people who were able to do this at a young age (currently 22)
I am sure it’s a very tough situation. My bf and I have been together for 4+ years. For the first two years, he was not out to anyone. I had to go home when his friends/family were coming over. It was tough but we really enjoyed our time together. I resisted my urges to rush him. I am sure I asked when he’s gonna tell his friends/parents. As I remember, he always said he doesn’t know. Finally, he started telling his friends the third year we were dating and invited me to their events and eventually he came out to his parents last Thanksgiving and they have all been very understanding/supportive. Everyone’s situation is different. I am not sure if I could offer any advice that would be directly applicable to you. You need to follow your heart and know how much tolerance you have and if whoever you are dating is worth waiting. Everyone is growing and figuring him/herself out. Some people might just need more time. Good luck!