Is it possible to be a full-time attorney and put my family first? I'm a first time mom, my baby is 7 months, I went back to work at 5 months but I'm really struggling to juggle both. I am the breadwinner so quitting isn't an option. How do you all handle this?

Likely unpopular opinion:

It is not possible to be a full time attorney and put your family first.

It’s just too many hours. Anything over about 1,600 hours means most of your daylight hours will be spent billing, not focusing on your children.

IMO it is very possible to work part time and put your family first. With a nanny and a flexible schedule, you can be with your child 1/2 to 2/3 of the day your child is awake.

There are many ways to put your family first. Working and earning a stable income to provide for your baby is one way to put your family first as an alternative to being a SAHM.

Hopefully (1) your partner is leaning in and helping out and (2) you have a daycare or caregiver situation for your child where you know that they are safe throughout the day and your child is learning new skills. Then think about quality time with your child and not quantity of time. Block off certain windows to be there for your baby (and for your own self care). Recognize that it’s okay sometimes for items to remain on your to do list until the next day/week/month.

From a full time biglaw attorney, fellow breadwinner, and mom of 3.

I'm a single mom of two, and the only in house attorney on a team of 500. My best advice is to focus on being there for the core memories and create sweet little moments with your family - and delegate/hit the easy button with all the unmemorable stuff. Your kiddo won't remember who made dinner 5,000 times, but they will remember (apparently forever) if you have to send grandma in your place for Muffins with Mom in preschool because you had a board meeting. Prioritize those little memorable things over work every time. I read that the most impactful 10 minutes of your kids day is the 5 minutes after they wake up and before they go to sleep. So, I try to prioritize that time. I take PTO so I can be the mom that went on the field trip - because it's what they will remember. And, it gets easier. Hang in there.

I’m in biglaw billing over 2000, and I definitely think it’s possible! My husband is a SAHD. I’m the only breadwinner. I work early mornings before my kids get up. I go to sleep not long after they do. When I am with my kids, I am WITH my kids. We are doing crafts, baking, playing Barbies, etc. We do a family dinner almost every single night. Some nights, I have to work late but that is very much the exception not the rule.

SAHD is the cheat code

Of course. I do think the key is finding the RIGHT in-house role. I’ll provide myself as an example.

I’m an in-house 2020 grad in Atlanta. I’m in two days a week, and the legal team has a 10 AM-3 PM culture. I’m able to do drop offs and pickups for my 2 children. Currently make around $250k cash comp with great benefits and an 8% 401k match. I do not work evenings or weekends. In my last role I made 30% less and was fully remote.

I think it’s very realistic to accomplish this if you’re open to in-house transactional work. You just have to be patient in finding the right opportunity.

I do think it’s possible to do both well. You will learn to set boundaries and you’ll be surprised how much people actually do respect them. I have an 11 month old and a 2.5 year old and have finally learned how to balance both a career and being a present mom. After my first, I didn’t think it was possible. I’ve now learned to say no - I don’t respond on weekends but do work late after I put my girls to sleep. I think the key is hiring help at home- a house cleaner, meal prep, and nanny when needed. Speak up at work and prioritize your children. Many partners have been in your position before and have felt the burnt out and dilemma of trying to juggle both. These younger years are temporary and will get easier as your kids grow.

Yes, it’s possible but you need to be really good at multitasking. If your husband works full time too, then you either need a full time nanny or you need to live near family support + daycare. Daycare alone without any extra help doesn’t work well. You need to either work remotely a significant amount of time or live very close to the office. No long commute unless you’re only going in 1-2 per week. You need to set boundaries and not schedule work calls during your window with your baby (whether that’s 6-9 pm or the morning hours), but you still need be checking emails and responding so people think you’re more available than you actually are. Make sure you’re empowering your husband to take the care of the baby solo. Hire a cleaner for your house 2-4 per month. Buy prepared food for dinner or get good with a crockpot. Don’t think you can get 7-8 hours of sleep a night, work out most days, and do everything else too, you can’t, at least in this phase. Something has to get sacrificed and it might be sleep or exercise or both. Not forever, when your kids are older, you’ll have more time to do both. If you need to work from home because your baby is sick or take them to a doctors appointment or a school event, don’t announce that you’ll be unavailable. Just do it and get your work done around those personal commitments. But don’t constantly remind everyone that you’re not available as you used to be because you now have a baby, it’s annoying to others.

Depending on your husbands free time he needs to pick up anything he can household wise or you outsource everything you can have someone else do so your limited downtime is quality time with your family. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. A house manager is immensely helpful to keep track of things. There’s a big cost to doing this and it is a very privileged response, I freely admit and my spouses income more than offsets it. But this is the best way I’ve found to feel like I can have quality time with my kids and not fall short on work.

One day at a time. I don’t work nights or weekends unless absolutely necessary. Saturday mornings are mommy-kid time without exception. I only bill about 1500 hours a year and am lucky to be able to do that.

Its definitely possible but can be exhausting. Both me and husband work full time and we have 4 kids. When kids were younger we relied on daycare, as they got older primary support has been with drop off or pick ups. We rely a lot on car pooling with friends for extra-curriculars

Idk. Not a parent yet but our plan is for my husband to be a sahd when we figure out how to afford it. Idk how any two-parent working family does it all these days. How does your kid get to soccer, dance? How do they have enough time to do homework/projects with you if you're not getting home until 6:30 and eating at 7:30 for an 8:30 bedtime? How little sleep are you getting to do all of this? I really admire working families it must be really hard.

I got a job that was 10 minutes from my house and then went solo. I make my own hours now, and work around my kids’ schedules. I don’t work in BigLaw but I did have a stint in mid law (blech) and left to work for a solo doing family law. After 5 years there I went solo. Best decision for myself and our family.

Honestly, I barely handled it. My husband had a very good PTO policy so he was the one taking off work for things. I eventually decided I didn’t want to be the bread winner anymore and starting working part time only.

I didn't read the comments and I've only been back to work less than a month, but what's helping me feel like this is manageable is the following:

I work fully remotely which I started before having baby. Anytime I look at new jobs I think how every hour commuting is an hour away from her or less time for me to take care of myself.
My husband takes care of the baby from home while I work, so I can see her/feed her during the day.
"Ramp up time" for my first month back puts less pressure on me to be 100% back on pace from day 1.
My annual is 1850 so roughly 8 hrs billed a day. I'm expecting to load up on hours during q4 and might pull some weekends when she's sleeping so I can have more waking hours with her on weekdays.

So it's possible, but I think you have to look critically at each hour of your day and what your family can adjust. Reducing your billable so that your total working time is 8/day instead of total billing time may help. Obviously 1850 billable means more than full time when you factor in actual working time / meals!